School Supplies:
Bitchy (college): NEW bedding; big freaking pillow; many little baskets for all her crap; books that cost a million dollars; granola, crackers, apples and Luna bars so she can maintain her tiny figure; office supplies; ink for the printer, all shower and bathroom supplies; carpet; tons of other useless crap that princesses going to college might need.
Sassy (high school): Hollister Jeans and shirts; Abercrombie perfume; Victoria Secret underwear and other what-nots; notebooks; binders, pens, pencils; expensive calculator; shoes; jacket; every piece of varsity athletic sportswear on the team order form (I'm a SENIOR MOM, I need it ALL); LOTS of make-up.
The Golden Boy (sixth grade): A couple T-shirts and some shorts. And maybe some Axe.
(Who needs school supplies. He says he's got a pencil and a tablet somewhere.)
Mom: A BIG bottle of Advil; good sneakers; a case of diet pepsi from Sam’s Club, and A LARGE bottle of vodka.
poor bitchy, i feel so sorry for her only getting that much krap, i mean stuff for school. she'll be fine mom, honest. her little wings will be flying fine!
ReplyDeletehugs, bee
xxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
i'm so glad you left plastic red cups off the "mom" list....this means you will just open your mouth, tip back the old noggin, pour in a little soda, pour in a whole lotta vodka, swish, swallow, and repeat.....often....
ReplyDeletehey, I need some VS undies, a pair of hudson's a manicure and a pedicure. k?
ReplyDeleteget on that?
Jones needed some new shirts. And maybe some new underwear. S.P. asked if they were too small and he said, "well, they are kind of tight in the morning but then things settle down and they fit fine again..."
ReplyDeletethey say this is the most wonderful time of the year? Is it? LOL gotta love dem cheap lil boys...but wait ... wait till he gets added on to your driving insurance!
ReplyDeleteThis is the time of year I'm ESPECIALLY glad I didn't have kids. And Christmas. And birthdays, Halloween, Easter and Prom. At least you have New Year's Eve. Sorta kinda.
ReplyDeleteThe Young One went to Freshman Orientation on Thursday and starts high school on Tuesday. When asked about school supplies, he said, "We need paper and pencils. I think."
ReplyDeleteBoys are a cheap date. Yes, indeed.
This makes me think I need to pop out some boys some day....
ReplyDeleteYes, we man-folk are quite simple beings, aren't we?
ReplyDeleteI just took my 13yo on her first trip to Victoria's Secret. $130 for 4 bras. Insane!!!
ReplyDeleteThe love of Vodka is the root of all.... well all you need it Vodka...
ReplyDeleteCraig
Bottom's up.
ReplyDeleteI can't really say anything since I am one of the problems.
ReplyDeleteYou are an awesome mom, I hope they appreciate you. I got Target and Walmart bras and undies when I was in school. You rock.
ReplyDeleteI thought getting one kid (going into first grade) was stressful, it sounds like you have your hands full! Vodka well deserved...
ReplyDeletehmm... sounds like Sassy needs a job.
ReplyDeleteI love boys. We discovered a giant bag of hand me downs on our porch, dropped off from our neighbor, last week.
T took one look inside and shouted, "Look! Back to school clothes!"
God bless them!
Not a CASE of vodka? Rookie!
ReplyDeleteMalisa
this town has...wait for it...ORGANIC VODKA. Holy shit.
ReplyDeleteAmen, VM. Amen.
ReplyDeleteBean talked Hubby into buying me a bunch of green school supplies at Wally World for my desk...um, kiddo, I'm only student teaching.
ReplyDeleteThat's ok, I love em!
Everyone who's anyone goes to OSU, because OSU ROCKS! :-) BTW- my 'free' public education sixth grader cost me $151 at registration...and there will be another $45 spring sport fee that I opted to wait on paying...
ReplyDeleteOur district also took a voluntary 10 day pay cut...ouch. I am afraid to see my paycheck September 30th...
Our school gives me almost all the material I need, I always buy more stuff just in case, but it's so expensive, these things should be cheaper.
ReplyDeleteSchool shopping is something I loathe. Shopping for liquor in bulk, however, is something I adore.
ReplyDeletelol. i am pretty cheap still...few desires...my list looks about like your sons...school starts monday, here...
ReplyDeleteOnce again, thanking my lucky stars that I have two boys...
ReplyDeletexoxo
It's amazing the difference between boys and girls. When Gina went away to college in 2002, it took 2 cars and 2 trips to get all her stuff into the dorm (and lugging all that crap up 2 flights of stairs... no elevator). It's a damned good thing her school was only 40 minutes away from home!
ReplyDeleteIn 2006, I took Tim to school, 90 minutes from home. we got all his stuff plus tim and Dani into Pontiac Vibe. Took 20 minutes to get everything upstairs (elevators!! yes!!)
Next Saturday I get to take Dani to college, 5 hours away. Her father spent $700+ to get all her shit (and I'm not even counting books!) My job was to get underwear and socks and a few pairs of jeans (because she lost a few pairs. I think one of her friends has sticky fingers.) I definitely got the better end of that deal!
Gee, I dunno. The boy is pretty high maintenance with his need for Axe and all.
ReplyDeleteThank you for perfectly summing up the particulars of each age--so concisely, too. You've never not made me snort when I stop by.
My oldest used to work for VS and it was good deal, now the 15 yo with a C cup (OMG) costs me a bundle. Oldest is at American Eagle now...guess where we clothes shop.
ReplyDeleteAnd since oldest lives at home no need for the crap list...she steals mine.
I still buy the vodka though... lol
xx
i'm so afraid.
ReplyDeleteI love being a guy, I always have. Things that should be simple, are.
ReplyDeleteAh, princess crap - lasts half a second, but it takes you a lifetime to pay for it...
ReplyDeleteBut what kind of Axe? There are like 100 different types these days and if you get the wrong one...
ReplyDeleteOh that was funny! I remember going to college - I brought everything I could fit into my parents car! Her list sounds about right to me. hehe.
ReplyDeleteToo funny... I'm glad we only have one princess who will be going to college (in about 13 years) and a cheap-date son (who has 16 years to go).
ReplyDeleteLooks like we're going to have to start saving, though...
Somebody warn Golden Boy, Axe Body Spray attracts cats that are in heat... seriously, it happens to me all the time.
ReplyDeleteWhy have boy's clothes always less expensive than girl's?
ReplyDeleteI think I like your list best! Advil and vodka... can't get through a day without either :)
ReplyDeleteAww..thanks for the sidebar love!
ReplyDeleteI need new sneakers myself..do you think those Sketchers that are supposed to give you a tight butt really work? :)
Peace - Rene
Hey, I sent ya an email letting you know I stole your Meanest Mom crown and title.
ReplyDeleteThe kidlets in this house must be gainfully employed by 16, keep honor roll grades (and the 2 in college gotta maintain their GPAs to stay qualified for the TOPS program AND pay the tuition difference.) They buy their own brand label clothes if they want 'em. Mwaaahahaha!
college! HS! for some crazy reason I had the idea that things would just get easier as they got older!
ReplyDeleteI bet you gave us your list in reverse order of priority.
ReplyDeletewe have the same thing going on at our house...I had to convince my son that he at LEAST needed a decent sweatshirt for school...but my daughter has a gazillion new "must haves"...
ReplyDeleteI guess my daughter and I must be half way thankful.My grandkids have to wear uniforms for school.So then its the matter of skirt, pants,shirts( polo and dress shirts).Then the fun starts of the finding dress shoes and sneakers.Then when the time comes it will be the sweat shirt and the little zip up jackets.Yeah I know what you mean.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck for the new school year (all around)!
ReplyDeleteLoved the article it was FANTASTIC !
ReplyDeleteMake it a big bottle of Svedka and you'll thank me in the morning. Citron flavor might go nice with DP.
ReplyDeleteHigh School boy: Couple jeans, shoes, paper ("Mom, I don't need that." ~ "Please son, I want you to do well.")
ReplyDeleteElementary aged boys: The darn school is asking for everything, I don't mind the regular pencils and crap, but hello... the teacher requests: 48 Ticonderoga pencils, because I can only find a pack of 12 for $4 (yes, that's on sale)x 4 packs = $16 x 2 (remember twins) = $32 FOR PENCILS! Ummm, teacher? Not happening.
Loved this post, how true and so darn funny.
So I take it you will be looking for a second job now??
ReplyDeleteGetting to put up a post like this? PRICELESS!
This year back-to-school shopping was very easy. I'm not quite sure why, but I'm not questionning my luck, ya know?
ReplyDeleteWait 'til said boy goes to college....
ReplyDeleteEnjoy it while you can.
I need some of that aspirin.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm not cheap. I want the good vodka, preferably Ketel or Stoli...
ReplyDeleteI totally agree. My kids are only 10 and 7 but my son was fine with "pre-used" school stuff but my daughter wanted everything new. Make that vodka a double
ReplyDeleteThe boys have never cared about "stuff". I have never included them in it, because honestly? I don't want to hear the specific requests.
ReplyDeleteSo for us? School supplies is cheap!
Hope it's a good year!
Wait til you have 2 in college. The list grows exponentially! And as for the Boy? Watch out for that Axe...he might be trying to cover up something smelly...
ReplyDeleteSometimes boys are easier, eh?
ReplyDeleteYou need to buy yourself some new school clothes, VM!
So I had a really cute, whitty and thought-provoking comment, but by the time I scrolled ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE, I forgot it.
ReplyDeleteBut it was a good one, dammittohell.
Isn't that the truth? Thanks for keeping it real.
ReplyDeleteI think I need a therapist with all the excitement around here. Is that available at any back to school counter?
ReplyDeleteOh I love back to school season! Except of course for the rapage a the college bookstore... that I could do without.
ReplyDeleteOh man... if they sold vodka in those plastic bottles like they do for ketsup I would mail one to you.
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha! I noticed this weekend all the parents hauling truckload after trunkload of their daughter's stuff into the dorms. Saw some of them later huddled in the corner of the bar, a drink in front of them, sleeping.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I have boys.
Senior Year Girl: "I need some stuff". My sister reads me the list. It's short.
ReplyDelete7th Grade List (he's also in AVID this year, ugh): Binder, binder, sixteen different kinds of paper, two different pencil cases, three different types of pencils, two kinds of pens (in three colors), highlighters in four colors, sharpies (at least two colors), rulers for both binders, two calculators (in case one fails, not that they're allowed to use them in class), oh yeah, and since LD's grown about three feet in two months, they want him in new shorts because his just barely graze the top of his knees (cost: $15 because he has to buy them right then and there at school and they couldn't call one of us to bring a cheaper alternative), book covers, two small staplers and boxes of staples, paperclips, and one or two thousand other things.
I just went and refilled my pain meds. It's easier that way.
ReplyDeletethe article is very petrifying, hopefully it can be useful and an important lesson.
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