Who should sponsor me to Blissdom. (Or, why I’ll never be a Real Housewife of Smythe County.)

They say that when searching for a sponsor for your blog, or for an event, that you should first go (and when I say go I really mean beg shamelessly) to the companies or brands that you and your family use the most. Okay. Here goes.

1. Goodwill. What can I say? Frankly, it’s recycling at its BEST, and if we ALL shopped there, then none of us would feel like hiding when we run into parents of kids in our classrooms, or co-workers looking for gag gifts. If we really wanted to go green, we’d ALL be shopping there.

2. Ramen Noodles, Mac & Cheese and Barilla Pasta with Generic Sauce - Thanks for keeping my family in food for the last ten years. I didn’t think we’d be eating it QUITE this long, but we’ve all convinced ourselves we’re eating it because we love it. (Pasta = big savings. And apparently a big butt.)

3. Middleswarth Barb-b-Que chips. You are the BEST chip in the WORLD, and I’d like to thank you for the 25 pounds I plan on losing in the next six months. I wish I could quit you. Well, you and the cheese.

4. Angel Soft Toilet Paper- Not only are you CHEAP, it seems we are constantly in need of you. You’re kind of like funeral homes and beauty shops. Even in a recession, you’re always packed.

5. Dawn Dishwashing Soap – YOU can thank my crappy dishwasher for our constant need of you. Oh, that and the fact that our coupon saver always has your coupons, and Giant doubles them. (Jesus, you’re practically FREE.)

6. Nikolai Vodka- I can’t for the LIFE of me figure out why they don’t sponsor me. Don’t they have RECORDS of people who BUY their vodka? I pay their SALARIES for the God’s sake.

7. Wal- Mart. I know, I know, but for us poor people it’s like the Holy Grail. Not only do I spend MORE than what is in my account there each month, they have given me TWO GIFT CARDS to give away. (If I could keep them and get away with it, I would. Let’s be honest.) (More on the giveaway tomorrow.)

8. Bissell Carpet Cleaner and the Carpet Cleaning STUFF that goes with it - You can thank my two dogs that continue to pee all over the carpets. One is senile (so we forgive her) and the other is just trying to piss me off. (It’s working.)

I'm sure I could come up with a few more, but apparently I need to start some Christmas Shopping, perhaps some baking, my Christmas Newsletter and someone is insisting I clean. (Where's my shotgun?)