Bitchy: "Mom, I have a question for you."
Me: “Okay, what is it?”
Bitchy: “Well, come here. Sit down and let’s chat.”
Me: “Oh God, what is it? Are you pregnant or something? Haven’t you been taking your “allergy medicine??? Oh My God...”
Bitchy: “MOTHER! NO, it’s not that. I was on your “blog” today, and I went over to that Humor Blogger thingy. It says that you have 213 votes.”
Me: “Do NOT give me a heart attack. Okay, well, that is great! That is a ton of votes!”
Bitchy: “Are you kidding me? Mom, if you have 980 followers, and 213 votes, something is up. Even YOU can do THAT math.”
Me: “Well, maybe the readers don’t think I ‘m that funny. Or maybe they voted for someone else!”
Bitchy: “I thought you said they could vote for as many as they wanted. Didn’t you help me vote for a LOT of people?? Mother? I voted for every person you ever heard of over there, and then some. And anyway, why don’t you just ASK them to vote?”
Me: “Because. Well, I did it once, and to do it again is, well, that’s just rude.”
Bitchy: “Oh, please. Don’t pretend with me. Cheeze-us, I’ll do it for you.
If you love my mother like I do (Don’t tell her I said that!) then why not go over there and vote? It might make her feel a little better about turning FIFTY in a month.
(Pssst. Anytime something from the AARP comes in the mail I put it ON THE FRIDGE. You should hear her scream! It cracks me up every time.)”
There, I’ve done my job. Now let’s go to Starbucks. You and that wad of money are buying.