The New Years Resolution Revolt.

Well people, it’s that time of year again and frankly, I’m sick of making promises to myself that I never seem to keep. I feel a bit like a politician, or Tiger Woods.

You know the same old promises. Ones like these:

1. I promise to lose twenty pounds. (Unfortunately, when I turn around and look in the mirror, I FIND them)

2. I promise to be a better wife. I will NOT put on my sweatpants and stuff (my uniform) every day when I get home from school; I will TRY to cook dinner each night and will arrange “meetings” that will keep us somewhat happy.

3. I promise not to yell at my kids. (Yeah, right. I laughed out loud when I typed THAT one.)

And so on. You get it.

This year I decided to make a list of promises that I am probably more capable of keeping.

1. I promise to gain at least ten pounds. (Hey Middleswarth- send me a few hundreds tubs of the bar-b-que. Pronto!)

2. I promise to let the hair on my chin grow until someone in my family finally has the nerve to tell me it’s there.

3. I promise to get in trouble at work as often as I can. (That’s always a good time.)

4. I promise to piss off my children daily. (It’s a talent. I should hold a workshop.)

5. I promise to fight with Tightwad about money, the kids, cleaning the house and how I always leave the gas tank empty.

There. I think that’s about all I can handle right now. I'm off to work on number 4, hold your ears people, it won't be pretty.