7/27/10

If those Reality TV people come knocking, do NOT let them in.



Oh sweet Mary and Joseph, am I the only one around here NOT running for the Real Housewives of Blogging Country? Am I the only one NOT jumping at the chance to share my dysfunctional family and hideous haircut with the whole civilized world?

Everywhere you click on the blogoshere you’ll find bloggers vying for the chance to be on the Project Mom reality show. (Frankly, you should go leave a comment for Ann, Amy, Brittany and Jess. THEY would seriously kick butt on this show.)

Well, this is MY post on why I don’t want ANYONE nominating me or contacting me regarding an audition for this opportunity to cut myself open in front of the whole continental United States. (Plus, and correct me if I’m wrong, this MIGHT interfere with my daily quest to maintain my anonymity.)

These other bloggers are amazing women and I have to applaud their bravery in their attempts to have their every move recorded for billions of viewers to enjoy. I, however, am not one of these women.


Top ten reasons why the producers of the show do NOT want me.

10. My children hate me.

9. Some days I hate my children.

8. My husband occasionally hates me.

7. Occasionally, I hate my husband.

6. My dogs bark too damn much; but unfortunately, they love me.

5. I hate the dogs.

4. I hate to clean. I DO it, but I hate it.

3. Bitchy and Sassy say the word fu*& so frequently, that they’d be bleeping through the whole bleeping show every bleeping night.

2. There are about five billion empty/ripped water balloons under the second-hand couch in my 6x10 ft sunroom. I forget they’re there each day, and remember when I go in there each night to relax and watch OTHER people on reality shows.

1. My hair is too damn short.


So please, for God’s sake, do not leave a comment here explaining to the producers why I should be chosen for this endeavor. Instead, go to one of the blogs mentioned above, and leave copious comments about why THEY should be chosen.


Now, pass me the hair-growing tonic. Please.



50 comments:

Rene/ Not The Rockefellers said...

You didn't build a strong enough case
for them not to come knocking..
actually, you are perfect.

Peace ~ Rene

Keyona said...

Your cheek is super cute! Oh and now I WANT to watch your reality show. I love a good F-Bomb!

Elizabeth @ My Life, Such as it is... said...

I'm with you. The last thing I need is to be on TV. What about those extra pounds television cameras add? I don't need more than what I got poundage wise which is too many already. Plus airing my house and dirty laundry (figuratively and literally) -NO Thank You! :P

WebSavvyMom said...

-->I agree!

Ask The Bloggess to bring you an extra wig to BlogHer this weekend. ;-)

~deb

Rachel Cotterill said...

You would be awesome - but I totally get the not-wanting-to.

Ann Imig said...

You are--what Rene said.

I LOVE THAT PICTURE.

I think I might adore your hair.


See you soooooooon ;)

Thanks for the shout out.
xo

Steven Anthony said...

oh come on...you would be perfect ;)

The Boob Nazi said...

I am just not interesting enough to be aon a reality show. I don't get it.

Kris said...

hahahaha! I love that picture.

I have some earrings up for grabs on my blog. Check it out!

http://tinyurl.com/2vollfw

Snappy Di said...

ANOTHER REALITY SHOW!! I can't stand this.... *runs out of house screaming*

Cheryl D. said...

Yeah, I agree. Frankly, I think it's a weird idea for a reality show in the first place. What are they going to show? Women typing at their computers while chugging from a bottle of wine? I know people who've been on reality shows, and in many cases, they've been completely shanghaied and made to appear totally awful! No thanks! My blog does a good enough job of doing that! LOL

Brian Miller said...

sneaky little hair shot there...sow come on out and let us see the rest...

Christy said...

Can't wait to see you next week. You would be perfect for the show, but I totally get not wanting to be on it. I've left comments for the other lovely ladies - hope our friends get picked!!!

Wendy said...

Well if YOU love it, then FUCK what Sassy and Bitchy say!!!
(And don't ask me why i always feel the need to comment on your labels. I do not know why! But, honestly, i do read your entire post. Each. and. every. time. Honestly!)
=-)

Lisa said...

That photo is great. And don't let anyone fool you. We all run hard and fast on hating those we love.

noexcuses said...

Have them film someone chugging a wine bottle while they blog isn't so bad....it's having all those empty martini glasses sitting around that might not be the best idea.

Have fun with all your friends at the conference. Wish I were going. Maybe next year!

Thanks for always bringing a bit of sunshine to my day!

Bee and Rose said...

Short haircut...looks adorable from the little peeky you gave us!

You would be the PERFECT candidate for this show! Seriously!!!

Robin Dodd Photography said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!! That postcard is HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!

middleagedcrazywoman said...

a) pass me the tonic please - am losing my hair and freaking out about it.
b) I wouldn't put my family out there either!
c) I LOVE that list - just love it.

M

Expat mum said...

Cor - serious haircut. Nice.
They apparently cast the Chicago version, and the people I heard were in the running aren't REAL at all. Not one bit of them if you get my meaning.

Crazy Charm said...

bahaha! That picture is hilarious! I couldn't have a reality because:
1. I would have to wear a bra.
2. I don't really do anything other than sit in my apartment and flip off/make faces at my sister's boyfriend every time he turns around.
3. I would really never get a job.
4. I don't think anyone wants to watch me watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey while eating cheetos...

a Broad said...

God chose to spare me reality shows by sending me to Argentina to live.

As my friend said when she had a really really bad short haircut and someone laughed at her... " My hair is too short and you are ugly- my hair will grow."

anymommy said...

Amen. Also, the part about my husband killing me in an unpleasant manner.

Elaine said...

Too bad reality shows have replaced the good old sitcom - cause you definitely have a winner in that category, and you wouldn't have to play yourselves! Don't forget that if you are coming for the hometown fair I have a SPECIAL SURPRISE for you so call me! Oh, and I'm going to be honest, I think your hair is kinda short too, sorry but knowing you it just doesn't look like you!! xxooxxoo

only a movie said...

I love Rene's comment, and I love that photo of you.

Jules said...

I thought those 10 things were the job description. And I have short hair, actually shorter than yours.

Travis Erwin said...

I'm holding out for the reality show looking for the world's hairiest fat dude. that one I might win.

Bodaciousboomer said...

It takes a lot of cojones to carry off really short hair. Obviously your writing shows you do- your haircut just reflects it.

Anonymous said...

人家都說男人到大陸都會外遇包二奶
老婆淚眼說擔心他外遇
他了解老婆的擔心,只好用錢去彌補分離的缺憾
漸漸的,老婆的電話愈來愈少…
她說,她是怕自己太依賴
漸漸的,他知道其實是她有了外遇
於是,面對自己外遇的行為,他忽然覺得好過了些…

Anonymous said...

結婚、離婚、結婚又離婚...
陳經理喜孜孜的帶著他的新婚妻子參加公司聚餐
陳經理一直是身邊親友茶餘飯後的話題
這是他的第四任妻子
背叛似乎是總慣性
也似乎之於陳經理而言,離婚也能成為一種慣性
他總是因為外遇而離婚
一次又一次
當女人渴望名分,他就要求另外一個女人成全
他流連花叢,女人不因他的離婚紀錄而卻步
似乎卻總是認為自己能夠成為那個「特別的人」
結婚、離婚對他而言不具意義,只是一種手段
反正他總是能找到另一個傻女人

GraceesMommy said...

I don't care how damn short your hair is...you are still so damn adorable! ♥

Anonymous said...

人家都說男人到大陸都會外遇包二奶
老婆淚眼說擔心他外遇
他了解老婆的擔心,只好用錢去彌補分離的缺憾
漸漸的,老婆的電話愈來愈少…
她說,她是怕自己太依賴
漸漸的,他知道其實是她有了外遇
於是,面對自己外遇的行為,他忽然覺得好過了些

Anonymous said...

結婚、離婚、結婚又離婚...
陳經理喜孜孜的帶著他的新婚妻子參加公司聚餐
陳經理一直是身邊親友茶餘飯後的話題
這是他的第四任妻子
背叛似乎是總慣性
也似乎之於陳經理而言,離婚也能成為一種慣性
他總是因為外遇而離婚
一次又一次
當女人渴望名分,他就要求另外一個女人成全
他流連花叢,女人不因他的離婚紀錄而卻步
似乎卻總是認為自己能夠成為那個「特別的人」
結婚、離婚對他而言不具意義,只是一種手段
反正他總是能找到另一個傻女人

Brittany said...

Your hair is NEVER too short, just ask Kate Gosselin.

:)

Thanks for the link!!!

Anna See said...

I totally get this. I am so darn glad my family life is not documented, except through the filter of my blog. I respect your opinion to decline, but you know I'd LOVE it if you were on it! Off to vote for the other fab ladies!

Twenty Four At Heart said...

I love several of the bloggers trying out for the show, but I do wonder why anyone would want to watch a reality show about bloggers. In addition, being in the neighborhood of The Real Housewives of OC, I've seen how invasive these type of shows are. I wonder if the bloggers realize how it will disrupt their lives/families/marriages/kid's lives to have TV cameras on them all the time.

Anonymous said...

人家都說男人到大陸都會外遇包二奶
老婆淚眼說擔心他外遇
他了解老婆的擔心,只好用錢去彌補分離的缺憾
漸漸的,老婆的電話愈來愈少…
她說,她是怕自己太依賴
漸漸的,他知道其實是她有了外遇
於是,面對自己外遇的行為,他忽然覺得好過了些…

Anonymous said...

結婚、離婚、結婚又離婚...
陳經理喜孜孜的帶著他的新婚妻子參加公司聚餐
陳經理一直是身邊親友茶餘飯後的話題
這是他的第四任妻子
背叛似乎是總慣性
也似乎之於陳經理而言,離婚也能成為一種慣性
他總是因為外遇而離婚
一次又一次
當女人渴望名分,他就要求另外一個女人成全
他流連花叢,女人不因他的離婚紀錄而卻步
似乎卻總是認為自己能夠成為那個「特別的人」
結婚、離婚對他而言不具意義,只是一種手段
反正他總是能找到另一個傻女人

Anonymous said...

人家都說男人到大陸都會外遇包二奶
老婆淚眼說擔心他外遇
他了解老婆的擔心,只好用錢去彌補分離的缺憾
漸漸的,老婆的電話愈來愈少…
她說,她是怕自己太依賴
漸漸的,他知道其實是她有了外遇
於是,面對自己外遇的行為,他忽然覺得好過了些…

Anonymous said...

結婚、離婚、結婚又離婚...
陳經理喜孜孜的帶著他的新婚妻子參加公司聚餐
陳經理一直是身邊親友茶餘飯後的話題
這是他的第四任妻子
背叛似乎是總慣性
也似乎之於陳經理而言,離婚也能成為一種慣性
他總是因為外遇而離婚
一次又一次
當女人渴望名分,他就要求另外一個女人成全
他流連花叢,女人不因他的離婚紀錄而卻步
似乎卻總是認為自己能夠成為那個「特別的人」
結婚、離婚對他而言不具意義,只是一種手段
反正他總是能找到另一個傻女人

Anonymous said...

人家都說男人到大陸都會外遇包二奶
老婆淚眼說擔心他外遇
他了解老婆的擔心,只好用錢去彌補分離的缺憾
漸漸的,老婆的電話愈來愈少…
她說,她是怕自己太依賴
漸漸的,他知道其實是她有了外遇
於是,面對自己外遇的行為,他忽然覺得好過了些…

Anonymous said...

結婚、離婚、結婚又離婚...
陳經理喜孜孜的帶著他的新婚妻子參加公司聚餐
陳經理一直是身邊親友茶餘飯後的話題
這是他的第四任妻子
背叛似乎是總慣性
也似乎之於陳經理而言,離婚也能成為一種慣性
他總是因為外遇而離婚
一次又一次
當女人渴望名分,他就要求另外一個女人成全
他流連花叢,女人不因他的離婚紀錄而卻步
似乎卻總是認為自己能夠成為那個「特別的人」
結婚、離婚對他而言不具意義,只是一種手段
反正他總是能找到另一個傻女人

Mimi Lenox said...

I love that shot of you peeking out. I do think,like it or not, you would be perfect for this task. Think of the fame, the fortune!
The loss of employment...

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

oh i love reality shows but sure wouldn't want to be on one either. i'd totally suck at it. they'd have to watch me play canasta or mahjong and i don't think anyone would want to see that.

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxo

oh, that haircut used to be called a "pixie".
let it grow out.
please. ps

Kt said...

What a weird concept for a reality show! I don't get it at all. But I also don't get the real housewives shows either... 'cause no one can be that insane :)
Just to be clear, the show would not only expose your family to the people in the US but to the entire world. We get them all in Australia too.

Mrs. Carter said...

Sounds to me like your life is JUST what people want to watch...giggle giggle snort giggle.
I am with ya sister...I want no one following me around every day!

peewee said...

whoa. Those anonymous asian folks REALLY want you to be on a reality show!!

B said...

I think those reasons you listed for them NOT wanting you on a show all make great reality TV. I mean have you seen that crap? :0)

Rachel said...

You are awesome! This is so refreshing. God, I haven't found anyone other than me lately who is so willing to "put themselves out there" (that's what people keep telling me I do on my blog). THANK YOU.

CatLadyLarew said...

But your things on your list make you the PERFECT candidate for such a show!