Oh sweet Mary and Joseph, am I the only one around here NOT running for the Real Housewives of Blogging Country? Am I the only one NOT jumping at the chance to share my dysfunctional family and hideous haircut with the whole civilized world?
Everywhere you click on the blogoshere you’ll find bloggers vying for the chance to be on the Project Mom reality show. (Frankly, you should go leave a comment for Ann, Amy, Brittany and Jess. THEY would seriously kick butt on this show.)
Well, this is MY post on why I don’t want ANYONE nominating me or contacting me regarding an audition for this opportunity to cut myself open in front of the whole continental United States. (Plus, and correct me if I’m wrong, this MIGHT interfere with my daily quest to maintain my anonymity.)
These other bloggers are amazing women and I have to applaud their bravery in their attempts to have their every move recorded for billions of viewers to enjoy. I, however, am not one of these women.
Top ten reasons why the producers of the show do NOT want me.
10. My children hate me.
9. Some days I hate my children.
8. My husband occasionally hates me.
7. Occasionally, I hate my husband.
6. My dogs bark too damn much; but unfortunately, they love me.
5. I hate the dogs.
4. I hate to clean. I DO it, but I hate it.
3. Bitchy and Sassy say the word fu*& so frequently, that they’d be bleeping through the whole bleeping show every bleeping night.
2. There are about five billion empty/ripped water balloons under the second-hand couch in my 6x10 ft sunroom. I forget they’re there each day, and remember when I go in there each night to relax and watch OTHER people on reality shows.
1. My hair is too damn short.
So please, for God’s sake, do not leave a comment here explaining to the producers why I should be chosen for this endeavor. Instead, go to one of the blogs mentioned above, and leave copious comments about why THEY should be chosen.
Now, pass me the hair-growing tonic. Please.