Someone needs to find the PayPal address for my guardian angel ASAP, because she seriously needs a RAISE - or at the very least a grand donation.
I had no longer posted my thoughts about wallowing in my own crazy wallowness, when Sassy reared up on her hind legs and hit one OUT OF THE PARK! (And without a field hockey stick, no less.)
The screaming at me Sunday morning because I had the AUDACITY to look her in the eye and ask her what her plans were that day?
How dare I.
Haven’t I learned better after living with raging teenage estrogen for these many years? (Apparently not.) I was lulled into a trancelike state by her graduation exuberance and “hope for many gifts and money” strategy to think that she would ever consider raising her voice to me a week before said event.
Then, the screaming at me insisting that she WASN’T screaming? Well, that was an ingenious touch. Frankly, if I hadn’t seen it several thousand times in the last four years, I would have given her a standing ovation. Unfortunately, the force of her lungs basically knocked me on my *$$, therefore rendering me incapable of the standing “O”. By that point I was laughing so hard that I couldn’t think straight.
The laughter? I had strategically hidden her car keys after my morning coffee because I had a crazy inkling that a storm was a brewin’.
Call it mother’s intuition.
(Now, can anybody out there cross stitch? I’m thinking about a small sign that says, “Don’t let the door hit you in the a$ on your way out.” In red.)
I suck at cross stitch but I bet I could paint you something.
ReplyDeleteWell, now... that's what you get for caring...
ReplyDeleteI am soooooooooooo dreading the teen years... I feel karma laughing at me already.
M
sorry, no cross stiching here...lol
ReplyDeleteOoh, I might need a sign just like that one :) I dread those days and they are zooming toward me fast!
ReplyDeleteAs a mother of a sassy 9 year old at the moment, I am really dreading these years!
ReplyDeletenice hit on hiding the car keys...maybe a cross stitch key ring...
ReplyDeleteTeen years are U.G.L.Y. I wish you luck in surviving them.
ReplyDeleteDI
You know it is always "grand" win you when that battle of "mom vs the kid", no matter what age! My 28 year old pregnant daughter, and mother of my 3 year old Riley, just SCREAMED at me at the top of her lungs and hung up on me. My feelings on that one, "thank you Jesus" I know longer have to have verbal pollution! Girls are not always that easy, now are they?
ReplyDeleteTake care, Sue
Remember how UNCOMFORTABLE God made you in your 39th week of pregnancy. It is his way of making us look forward to the extreme amount of pain we are about to experience...so we can convince ourselves we are ready. I think he's up to something again.
ReplyDeleteCan't pass up commenting on the phooto. Anybody remember Blockhead, the old stacking game? Who ever created this stack must be the world champ!! Unbelievable! :)
ReplyDeleteHAHA! Wow, all I know is whenever Mom start laughing at me when I'm having a total breakdown, it only fuels the rage...:)
ReplyDeleteI laughed at my mom once and got slapped across the face... so I am careful about that sort of thing.
ReplyDeleteMom's laughing ? that would be great .. break the tension, make you feel like an ass but then better about it because she is laughing.
Just don't stand too close when you do it.
I had forgotten this part of having a daughter.. I am always amazed that we both lived through it ...
Ah, I admire the hidden car keys trick. How satisfying...
ReplyDeleteThat's a lot of estrogen. I hope Golden Boy doesn't hit hard on the testosterone for awhile, so you get a break in between.
ReplyDeleteI can cross-stitch, as long as you don't want anything fancy or in a hurry. Maybe I should make a few of those signs and market them to mother's of teens...heh...
ReplyDeleteDid she ever find the keys? Or realize you'd hidden them??
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
hilarious :)
ReplyDeletetotally unrelated, but my lesbian friend's girlfriend cross-stitched her a book mark that says "You ain't seen nothin' til your down on the" with a lil' picture of a muffin. Run DMC song lyrics, in cross stitch. Everything's funnier in needlework.
ReplyDeleteSometimes being a mom is just evilly delicious! Poor Sassy... she's just no match for you.
ReplyDeleteI've been x-stitching for 30 years.
ReplyDeleteE-mail me. ; )
Can I go back in time and grow up in your house? if I so much as OPENED my mouth to yell at my parents that was INSTANT grounding. No allowance, no parties, the list is endless.
ReplyDeleteMy sister never opened her mouth to my parents. She was never punished and got everything she wanted BECAUSE she was good. You'd think I would have caught on after a while, but I DID NOT.
Aw, but haven't we all been there.
ReplyDeleteThe week after I graduated, my mom demanded that I still drive my little brother to band practice. Ugh. I was already to hop on the adult bandwagon and throw away the cares of responsibility. Unfortunately, my brother was a tattle tale and his ninth grade self marched up to the bedroom and told my half awake mother that I was not taking him. (she has odd sleeping habits, up until 2 am, sleep til 10, 11, or noon, which is why I was supposed to be taking him) Since she was woken up from a sound sleep and then dressed and took him, I had car keys taken away. First time I'd ever been "grounded" and this after high school graduation.
And I was sassy about it, because I said it didn't matter, usually I wasn't the one driving, so my friends would take me out. So I wasn't actually forced to stay at home, just carless for a week. It's all inside of us somewhere.
I could probably do something for you in Lego or grilled cheese.
ReplyDeleteNeedlework allows you to say anything, anything, and have it still look disarmingly charming.
ReplyDeleteHiding the keys is a nice touch.
ReplyDeletejj
I think you will always get the last laugh!
ReplyDeleteI think I will start calling my 10-year old bitchy. The shoe is fitting. Go ahead...mess with her while you can.
ReplyDeleteThey say when you have kids that you get double what you gave as a child. She is in for it if that is true. One of my daughters, grown, talked to me in a very ugly manner. I just hung up and refused to talk to her for a period of time. I told her that I didn't deserve it and even if I did I was her Mother and would not be talked to that way. She tried it again recently and my other daughter jumped down her throat over the disrespectful way she talked to me.
ReplyDeleteOn that note: There is a site you should look at. It's
ReplyDeletewww(dot)subversive cross stitch(dot)com
You will get a good laugh. It's exactly stuff like that. Cute little cross stitch items that seem nice, but when you read them? Watch out! I love it.
<3 Your Super Best Friend & Stalker
=-)
I LOVE to cross-stitch & would happily make you a red-letter sign! Let me know how big, & if you want those exact words, the a$$ form, or "Don't let the door hit you where the Good Lord split you!"
ReplyDeleteMy oldest is a 9 yr old girl, & the drama is already too much for me...I'll probably need to make this sign in duplicate!
Aw hell, I'll start cross stitching for this cause !! LOL
ReplyDeleteYou will still miss her when she's gone.
ReplyDeleteA moment here, a moment there . . . Can't wait to read about it!
NICE touch on the car keys, Mom! I feel like I'm learning from the master!
ReplyDeleteYou should make a little stamp and leave messages all around the house that say I love you or you are the best daughter but then stamp that in bright red at the end of each note! I'm not nice.
ReplyDeleteI already get crap like that from the 13 year old.
ReplyDeleteWhat are you doing this afternoon?
Who knew that was such a loaded question!
Always one step ahead, you....
ReplyDeleteWe are going through this in my house as well. I hope we both survive. My boys are soooooooo much nicer to me. I don't cross stich, but I have a crap load of Sharpies if you want to borrow one. They are permanent you know. I'm just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteI'm too distracted by the fact that she's standing in MY airport to leave a real comment!
ReplyDeleteGotta love Mother's Intuition. I like the hiding of the car keys, I'm going to have to do that. Dear teen son had me in a snit today. He was yelling and when I told him he was yelling he responded just like your daughter, "I'M NOT YELLING!" Uh-huh.
ReplyDeletePriceless! you are amazing. May I live vicariously thru your latest victory??
ReplyDeleteI used to HATE when my mom took my car keys! I know how your daughter feels! (don't take that the wrong way, I am on your side, but I was a bitchy, bitchy teen girl myself, sorry)
ReplyDeleteAnd all I can say is thank goodness I got two boys...
As you know, "Ask and you shall recieve."
ReplyDelete