On a field trip, sometimes the teacher learns FAR more than the kids.

Things I learned on our (incredibly LONG) walking field trip to a park today.

  1. Sometimes the dogs next to the school won’t stop barfing at George as he walks by on his way to school in the morning. They are LOUD when they barf at him.  He likes the quiet dogs that don’t barf.
  2. Never pour grape juice on a Platypus.
  3. Don’t pull a dog’s paw cause he’ll toot. (AND, I’m pretty sure we’ve discussed tooting in one way or another for the lasts 141 days of school.)
  4. Charlotte and Isabel (two people I’ve never heard of but MUST be Susie’s neighbor friends) decided to paint Susie’s little brother’s fingernails.
  5. Susie is not allowed to use nail polish anymore without her mom being RIGHT NEXT to her.
  6. Laura will smack you in the back if you try to cut in front of her in line on a walking field trip. If you try it again, she might punch you in the face.

Last but not least? The teacher CAN remember some of the incredibly interesting things that kids shout at her on walking field trips even when they ALL TALK AT ONCE.

Today’s lessons?  There isn’t enough Advil in the world to help the “all the kids are shouting at once” headache.  So, perhaps something in liquid form will have to do…..


Here's the bench, Frank. You've been relieved of your duties...

We were sitting on the picnic tables at recess.

“I have to leave the dining room table if I have to toot at dinner-time,” Liam said.  "So I stand up and BACK UP like this,” he explained as he shuffled backwards bent at the hip with his hiney stuck up in the air. “And then I scoot my butt into the other room and toot. Then I come back to the table.”

I looked at him, trying INCREDIBLY hard not to laugh. “Well, that is GOOD to know.” I said.

“Yeah.  I toot a LOT. A lot, a lot, a lot!!!  And sometimes, I just say ‘Pull My FInger.’ ”

“And THAT,” I said, “Is even BETTER to know!”

He skipped away, completely unaware that he is THE BEST KID EVER.”  .   


I make mistakes like it's my job. (aka I'm a mom, what do you expect?)

Bitchy has been living in Seattle since November. And that’s Seattle, WASHINGTON, people! While I know it’s close to, um,  Smythe, Oregon…it feels like it’s almost all the way across the COUNTRY.

She’s been working diligently to try to land a job as a Nutritionist, all the while working as many hours as she can at Anthropologie. (Frankly, I have a sneaking suspicion the store is making out on that deal.)

She was thrilled a month ago to land several interviews, but it was the one with the WIC program that particularly thrilled her.  That was the job she left before moving across the country!  That's where her heart is! 

After not hearing back from the people at WIC for several weeks, she was resigned to the fact that she wasn’t going to get the job. Last night I got her call.

“I thought I wasn't going to get the job and drank a whole bottle of wine last night.  Then, I got a call just now. I GOT THE JOB!  I GOT THE JOB AT WIC!”

We were squealing like schoolgirls and my heart was bursting with pride and RELIEF for her.  And of course, after hanging up, I did what any respectable, embarrassing mother would do.

I went on Facebook.

My phone rang immediately. “MOTHER! MOM!!You DO know that I’m friends with everyone I am currently working with?  I would like to at least quit my other job before you announce to the world what I’m doing.  Delete that….PLEASE!”

I deleted the post. I sat at my table shaking my head. “I will NEVER learn.”  I said out loud.

My phone beeped.  “Thank you mother,” Bitchy texted.

“Come on,” I replied,  “You KNEW I would f*%& this up. Right?”

“LOL.  Yep, I guess I did. Love you anyway.”

(Pssst…..my baby’s got a REAL JOB!!!!)