Okay boys and girls, that’s our schedule for the day. Any other questions or comments?
Jack: “Did you know I can hold my pee for a really, really, really long time?” (Big smile)
Me: “Huh. Well. Are you experimenting with that theory right about now?”
Jack: “What does that mean?”
“That means – go to the bathroom. We’ll wait.”
Dear Sassy,
The call I received last week at lunchtime shook me to the core. You were on the bus on your way to the game, and you filled me in.
Your voice was shaky, full of terror as you tried in one minute to tell me that Georgie had been at school. You desribed your actions and quick thinking.
My heart stopped and my brain kicked into gear. Events were set into motion that we had hoped wouldn’t occur. Phone calls were made, and you did the right thing by not calling me first. You did all the right things.
I don’t think I will ever be able to describe the feelings in my heart that afternoon. Fortunately I was distracted as I dodged speeding tractor-trailers making their way through Eugene, Oregon as drove to your game. I knew, however, that I couldn’t speak to anyone for a while for fear I would have a breakdown.
I want to give you strength, I want to give you comfort, I want to wrap you in love- but your fragility has made a coherent conversation impossible.
So, I am writing this note to tell you I’m proud of you. I know this has been an incredible nightmare for you -and all of us– but you are learning some valuable life lessons that your father and I could never teach you. You’re one of the lucky ones, and let’s not forget that.
We will also be ready to kick some major @** if Georgie dares to show his face around this house, this town or your life again.
And by the way, there are about 2.3 thousand people standing right behind me.
I dreamed of my mother last night.
It was an odd dream, it had no rhyme nor reason. My mother was living in an unfamiliar house- one filled with antiques and paintings that were made by us - her children. I watched her intently as she spoke to me - almost as if we were neighbors, as if we haven’t been separated by space, time and that nasty inconvenient tiny matter of her death.
Our conversation was insignificant – I can’t even remember what it was. I DO remember that I had an intense feeling that I wanted to hold on to her and never let her go. I knew in my heart she was dead. I watched her intently as she spoke, and joined her in laughing at something I can’t remember.
I’m not sure what this dream signifies. All I know is that for a few brief moments in the dark recesses of the night, I was wrapped in her love.
And it felt good.
Every month after I finish my column I breathe a deep sigh of relief. Whew! Then each month, I panic! “What can I possibly write about next month? I’ll never think of anything! I’m doomed. “ It’s the same routine every month.
As we journey into this land of thankfulness, we have many discussions about why we celebrate this holiday. I asked the class what Thanksgiving was, and I got a variety of answers. Some said it was day where we thanked people, but most said it was a holiday about eating. Now, for some of us (okay, me) every day is a holiday about eating. There is definitely something to celebrate every day, right? I personally like to celebrate the fact that I made it through another day. Anyone with teenagers knows what I’m talking about.
Back to the Thanksgiving discussion- I proceeded to explain to the children why we eat on Thanksgiving. I got to the part where I told them that the pilgrims came across the ocean on the Mayflower and landed in our country, and at this point one young fella (the unfortunate guy who was absent when the mascot for our local college team made the surprise visit to our classroom) piped up with a loud moan. “ Aw, man!!! I always miss the good stuff! I was at my nona and poppie’s all weekend.” He felt better when I explained that this happened a long, long time ago. After a lengthy and confusing discussion, we talked about what we were thankful for. I told them some of the things I was thankful for, hoping to be a good example, and this is what they told me,
· I am thankful for my sister Heather’s kitty Pepper. I love her!
· I am thankful for my dog. He’s dead now. But, I am thankful for him.
· I don’t really know, but there is something stuck on my shoe.
· I am thankful for my Illinois Jersey
· I am thankful for my fish.
· I am thankful for my family. (YEAH!)
· I am thankful for macaroni and cheese.
· I am thankful for toys.
· I am thankful my mom borned me.
· I’m thankful for tissues. (So is the teacher.)
Some days it is hard to conjure up things that I am thankful for. There are many days when things just don’t go right. The bills are due, someone needs lunch money, it’s time for new winter coats (Why do kids have to grow?), that winter sport is not free, they need new shoes, haircuts, and the car battery is really, really dead. On top of that, the dog needs to go to the vet, grandma’s birthday is next week, the laptop died, Smith library needs to be paid for that missing book, someone is screaming for money, and we could use a few groceries.
But then, when the hectic day is coming to an end, I sit back and relax. I think I can come up with one or two things I am thankful for. My children are healthy, fairly happy, and safe asleep in their beds right now. (The best time of day, don’t you think?) My parents might be gone, but I have a wonderful brother and sister that I am truly thankful for. I have a hubby that I am still crazy about, and his family still likes me. (crazy, huh?) I have great friends and co-workers who graciously carried my family through two tragic losses last year. (You know that social fund to which we all contribute each year to ensure that flowers and cards are sent to colleagues when needed? Well, it is not a good sign when you end up with all the cards and flowers.) I have a wonderful class this year, as always, with children who are caring, loving, and very, very funny.
Yeah, I’m thankful. When everyone’s in bed, the house is quiet and the day is done, you’re darn right I’m thankful.
I have decided that it would be remiss of me not to share some of the classics that I’ve been reading with all of you. Frankly, I am ready to give them away to one or two lucky winners.
First, let me share the books. In this first classic, the hero meets the heroine, they fight, they make up, they kiss a little and live happily ever after. It is set in London.
In this second classic, the hero meets the heroine, they fight, they make up, they kiss a little and live happily ever after. It is set in Scotland.
In this third classic, the hero meets the heroine, they fight, they make up, they kiss a little and live happily ever after. It is set in Ireland.
And in this fourth, there’s a twist; the hero meets the heroine, they fight, they SOLVE A MURDER, they kiss a little and live happily ever after. It is set in Murdertown, U.S.A.
The rules?
1. Donate a couple of thousand dollars to the “Send Sassy to boarding school” fund over at the Paypal button on the sidebar.
2. Find me an agent who loves a vodka-swilling mother that teaches kindergarten.
3. Do fifteen jumping jacks.
4. Vote for me over at Best Humor Blog (It’s called Waitress Where’s My Martini.)
5. Make me laugh.
You may choose ANY or NONE of the above. I will print out your names, put them in a hat and throw them off my deck. The first one that lands in the dog poop wins these classics.
Oh, and if those books above are just too challenging for your brain, I’m willing to throw in this one by E.B. White. Call it a little light reading.
And if you vote for me (Waitress Where's My Martini) over at Best Humor Blog NUMEROUS times, I'll send you this classic People Magazine. It's guaranteed to increase your vocabulary tenfold.
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