Why do I have to be so much fun to mess with?

Well, there have been some very interesting developments in this last year of teaching here in Smythe, Oregon.  

I was SURE that I would enjoy and love every SINGLE day of this, my official last year of teaching.  I was sure that I would sing, dance, laugh, paint, dance and glitterize everything single thing in sight, until I twirled out of classroom in June.   I was sure I would handle all that the year had to offer, enjoying each day like a fine chocolate. 

And then God laughed. 

I realize that I have been blessed beyond measure in many ways.  I have an amazing partner who loves every bit of me- even the cracks and flaws.  He has shown me a part of the world I never knew existed, but more importantly shown me what true love really means. 

I am also blessed to have three kids who love me MOST of the time.  They don’t all love me ALL of the time- or at the SAME TIME, but in the end, they are amazing souls who are still finding their way.   They deserve a few bumps in the road.  It’s what helps us grow every single day. 

So, I admit, life is grand.   But I’m afraid I might have said that a BIT TOO LOUD.  Cause this last class?  This class that is destined to be my last? 

They are turning out to be the class that might just kick my ass ALL THE WAY TO JUNE. 

I’m pretty sure The Powers that Be had a meeting. This is how it went. 

“Hey, I see vodkamom has a pretty great life right now! She is so very happy. ” 

“Yes, she does.  Well, she certainly deserves it.  We have given her many lessons to learn in this life! It could have been that she was a slow learner, but she did learn them with a smile.  Most of the time.” 

“That's true.  But honestly, she is SO much fun to mess with.  Isn’t she? Even when we throw &$^# at her, she manages to come up smelling like roses.” 

“You know, you’re right. She's fun to watch in action! And frankly, aren’t we a little bored?  Let’s shake her up a bit.” 

“I KNOW!  Let’s throw in ALL OF THE CHALLENGES anyone can have in ONE classroom, and give her the send-off she truly deserves!!!!”

“BRILLIANT!!!  Let’s DO IT!” 


Sigh.   I was SO hoping to fly under the radar.  Now, someone pass me my blood pressure medicine (or a LARGE BOTTLE OF VODKA) cause this is going to one hell of a ride. 


Someone cue Stanley Holiday...

Oh Bitchy, wasn’t it just yesterday that I was fighting with you about homework? Weren’t we yelling about curfews, parties, clothing and if you could take the car or not?

Wasn’t it just yesterday that you piled ALL your Christmas presents on the kitchen table and insisted we return ALL of them?  Didn’t I just uby you some Polly Pockets? And I am pretty sure it was just last night that I found the naked Barbie Doll in the refrigerator. I know we have been through a lifetime since then, but come on. It feels like yesterday.  

Only it isn’t.

And now, here we are.

You’re 29 years old, on the verge of being very, very adulty.  You live as far across the country as you can get (Seattle, people)   working for the government providing nutritional advice and care for the less fortunate at the WIC program. ( of course your nutritional advice for me is no chips.  hmmm.) You also work another job on occasional weekends, just because that’s who you are.  You have developed a hard work ethic that I applaud every single day.

We have a nice mother/daughter routine where we talk everyday after work. Sure, I don’t always have anything NEW to report, but just hearing your voice settles my heart.  Of course if you would accept my Facetime calls it might be even more fun, but that’s another story.

Then, I got the call.  

Not the call all parents fear, but the call that certainly does shake a parent to the core.  It was the call from the prince who has been a part of Bitchy’s life since she was 16. I looked at the phone as it rang and was very frightened.  “Oh, no!!” I thought.

It rang again as I continued to look at the name, and thought, “oh,  oh, oh…….OH!!!”

“Hello?” I said hesitantly.

I listened as he spoke.  He started with some very kind words, and then got to the point.

“Your daughter has made it perfectly clear for many years that if I ever wanted to ask her to marry me, that I would need your permission.  And so now, I am asking your permission.”




I cried (just a LITTLE BIT) and I gave permission.  I let him know how proud I was that he was going to be my son-in-law. Then, he asked me something more.  “Please don’t say anything to anyone.”


Now that the deed is done and the calls have been made, I can speak.


Buckle up, everyone.  This is going to be a crazy, crazy year!!

Now, if only I can convince her to use the #BitchysBethrothed hashtag, then all will be golden.



I have a sneaking suspicion that this kid is gonna be a star. (aka A New Frank Cometh.)

Yesterday was technically my 30th “Meet the Teacher” Ice Cream social. I say it’s 30, but honestly I am brain dead so it could possibly be my 31st or 28th, depending on whether I showed up for all of them. (But we’ll keep that to ourselves, won’t we?)

These socials give the new children a chance to see their classrooms before the 1st day, meet their new teacher, eat four or five ice cream sandwiches and run around the building when no one can yell at them. To be perfectly honest it’s always fun-and I love seeing their reactions to the classroom.

The first little fella who came into the classroom was one of my international students.  I’m pretty sure he’s from China, and his parents have given him the American name of “Hans”.  (I am gonna love that this year.  “Never tell me the odds, Hans.”  or “It’s not wise to upset a Wookie”.)

Anyway, Hans ran up to me and said, “I have sumfin for you!” as he held out his clenched fist.

Because I’m no rookie, I placed my hand under his hand and he dropped something into it.  I was hoping for a diamond.

As soon as I saw what it was I SHUT MY HAND AROUND IT IMMEDIATELY!
It was small, chirps in the grass and frogs love them. Frankly,(I prefer them dipped in chocolate.)

It was a cricket.  A LIVE cricket. “Um, thank you!” I said.   He smiled and ran over to the legos.

And with that, this fella reminded me that even though I’ve been doing this for many years, I am still a rookie.