5/3/08

The call...

Okay, so, I promise not to wallow, but I at least want to the share the story of my sister's crushing night. Then, I promise, I will be on to laughing, ranting, raving and joking. Just bear with me as I can't seem to quite move on from the memories. Here's the piece I wrote in my journal not long after the accident.

Well……… my sister got the call. You know - THE call. I think any parent of a teenage driver knows what call I’m talking about. The call that deep in the dark recesses of our heart we expect; the call that comes in the middle of a dark, quiet night; the call we dread with all our hearts.

“This is the police. Your son has been involved in an accident. We’re on our way over to your house.”

I got the call from HER the next morning.

“D. This is Karen. You need to sit down. Are you sitting down? Can you sit? Hey, Robbie was killed in a car accident last night. Yes. Yes. No, I’m not. It’s true.” The rest of the conversation, I have to admit, is a bit foggy. I remember some screaming, lot of crying, and then thinking……

“She called me herself??? How can she function?”

The horrible truth of the matter is, I realize now, you do function. You take the next breath, and time does not stop. How can that be? How can it be that the world continues to revolve? It just doesn’t seem right. Frankly, it isn’t fair, either. The worst possible thing that can happen to a parent has happened, but time keeps on.

I try to gather my thoughts. Who do I call? - my brother, my aunts, maybe just one cousin who can do the other calls? How do I tell my own kids that their 16-year-old cousin, close in age to them, whom their very close to, has been killed?

The children were told, the calls were made, and the tears began. The rest of the day is a bit of a blur. I remember crying in my husband’s arms, my heart broken for the sweet life cut short - my heart broken for the loss of a bright shining spirit - my heart broken for my sister who was bearing an unspeakable sorrow. My heart is broken, also, for the brother and sister left behind trying to comfort their parents during this ordeal.


I remember the phone calls from an aunt, and an uncle, trying to clarify the details of the accident. I remember a visit from a friend bearing coffee, muffins and comfort.

Then both of us, mothers of 16 year-old drivers, sat in my kitchen and cried for the woman we both know, we both love, the woman coping, the woman grieving, the woman who received “the call”.

41 comments:

Phat Mama said...

This was actually one of the first posts of yours that I read.

I am the Mama of two teenagers. My oldest, darling bitchy, has her drivers license.

I never learned how to go to quit worrying & go to sleep before she was safely at home.

I've had to imagine the pain of losing my son to his illness. Just the thought of it was an entire body physical pain.

I'm so sorry for your sister, for the entire families loss.

There are no words to make it better.

Only knowing that our family and friends are there with a hug and love makes it bearable.

Under the Influence said...

The thought of "the call" puts the fear of God in me!

darsden said...

Losing a kid would have to be the hardest death to deal with. I could not imagine that. I fear the day I lose my folks but I tell you I fear if I should ever lose one of my babies so much more! You take all the time you need. We will be here. Don't put a limit on yourself. Do what you heart tells you to do.xoxodar

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

You are so right that is the call we all secretly expect to get. Every time they return home safely it feels as though we've dodged a bullet.

I'm so sorry for your family's loss.

only a movie said...

Your blog, your rules. You take all the time you need. I'm sure I'm some level it's all new and fresh to you no matter how much time has passed.

Sandee said...

How horrible honey. I can't imagine and I don't want to ever have to go through this. We have a granddaughter that's is about to get a car. She'll be 18 in July. I worry too. I don't think we ever stop either.

Biggest hugs ever honey. :)

AirmanMom said...

As a mom, my heart hurts as I read these words.
It is only by the grace of God that any of us are here today. What a reminder that each day is a gift.
I am so very sorry for your entire family!
~AM

Beth said...

As my father said at my brother's funeral, parents aren't supposed to bury their children.

I've thought about you and your sister often. I am so sorry for this loss.

Lora said...

I am so deeply sorry for your family's loss.

Ann's Rants said...

May his memory serve as blessings for all of you.

Terrible tragedy.

Scary Mommy said...

Oy, I'd never read this before. I'm so, so sorry. How horribly sad. :(

OHmommy said...

Im so sorry your your family loss... I can not even begin to imagine. I hope that by the time my toddlers are legal to drive the age will be changed to 21.

Call Me Cate said...

I can't imagine how that would feel. Terrifying and unreal maybe. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

Fragrant Liar said...

Yes, I remember getting the call from my mother, who was telling me in the middle of the night, waking me from a sound sleep, that my baby sister was gone. Car accident. The way she told me, yelled through tears into the phone . . . I'll never forget that.

Losing someone so sudden, so young, is a heartless, miserable affair.

Vivienne said...

Dear God in heaven, that is horrendous. I'm sorry for your loss and worry for all of us with kids on the road.

ms. changes pants while driving said...

a friend of mine's 16 year old daughter died a year ago yesterday. we got together and had a bonfire. i still don't know how they did it, how they did anything. how do you even BLINK after that?

it was an accident. just an accident. no one was drinking. she wasn't even in the car. she was walking on the sidewalk. it was poorly lit. just like that. gone.

Gaston Studio said...

One of my brothers lost a young child as did one of my sister in laws, and I still can't relate because it's unfathomable unless it happens to you.

My heart bleeds.

Sherendipity said...

I have a 15 and a 17 year old, and I'm terrified.

ModernMom said...

Life is too too fragile. Blessings to you and yours ....

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

I never read this before.... I am so sorry for your sister's and your family's loss. That is definitely "the call" that you never, never want to get or even hear about. I will be clinging to my boys extra tight tomorrow thinking about this.

Joanie M said...

Oh that is heart-breaking! My condolences to you and your dear sister.

Rachel Cotterill said...

I lost one of my cousins in a road accident when I was much younger - I think he was on a bike, so not even driving. You never quite get over it.

KekeLynn said...

Oh I am sooo sorry to hear of your loss. I cannot imagine how hard this must be on your entire family.

We are all thinking about you.

Randomly Elly said...

I think having your child pass before you would be the HARDEST thing to deal with. My grandmother dealt with it, and recently, our neighbors lost there 21 year old to a motorcycle wreck...you and your family are in our pryers

Magpie said...

Oh, oh, how awful.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Although I've read this before, the impact is still the same. I don't know how your sister and you have done it but you've gone on. Please don't apologize for revisiting these posts. They are therapeutic for you and for us as well. God bless you. Sending big hugs.

Fancy Schmancy said...

I'm terrified of "the call" and am so very sorry for your sister for having to go through it. Hugs.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

I am hoping that Chinese Anonymous Guy was expressing his deep sadness for the death of your nephew in that overly long comment he left. Or maybe it's just a copy of a Chinese menu?

Either way, found you from that crazy chick Suzy, and glad I did, and I'm sorry for your sister, for you, for your children and their cousins, and for the rest of the family that now endures life without your nephew.

Jessica said...

I just can't begin to imagine what either of you had to deal with - especially your sister. I can't imagine losing a child, when you feel as if you're supposed to go first - and I hope that I never, ever have to!

Loukia said...

This is devestating... I'm so very sorry for your family's loss... I can't imagine the pain.

Live.Love.Eat said...

OH gosh, I guess I was just meant to cry my heart out tonight. Please tell me, how is your sister doing these days?

My son is 6 and losing him is the only thing in this world that could truly kill my soul.

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The Rambler said...

Oh Vodkamom.

I am so sorry for your sisters loss. For your loss.

I know this is an older post but still...((HUGS)).

xoxo

Monique said...

Your brother has mentioned your blog to me on many occasions. I'm so glad that I finally took some time and found you. You haven't changed a bit! That's a good thing! This particular blog had me crying. I still keep your nephew in my prayers even though I have never met him. It is heartbreaking - unthinkable. I will continue to check in with you from time to time. Say hello to your hubby and give my love to your sister. Take care and congratulations
on the success of your blog!

Merrily Down the Stream said...

too sad. A heartache that never ends I imagine. oxoxoxox

deardarl said...

Hi, I just found your blog and this was the second post I clicked on.
Irony...
You see - I've had that phonecall too.
I was at school (I'm a teacher) and the police told me to drive home *very carefully*. Then they told me my husband had been killed in a car accident (he was at work, testing a car that had come into the workshop: he was the passenger).
Then I had to tell my 7 yo daughter and 5 yo son.
That was 7 months ago....
You are right when you say that the only way you can keep going is breath by breath. You have to keep functioning, because there really is no alternative. Especially when you still have to parent your kids.
Hugs to you and your sister....

Mrs4444 said...

Simply heartbreaking. I'm sorry for your family's loss and will pray for your continued healing.

noexcuses said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that God's love is felt in the hearts of everyone in the family.

Tay Talk said...

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I have this anxiety issue that I think the worst in particular situations. If I know that someone is suppose to be home and no one answers the phone I begin a series of calls to everyone’s phone, repeatedly until someone picks up. I have gotten better over the last year, but before then it was pretty bad. I fear ‘the call’. With all my heart I fear it. I’m not sure I would be able to function if I ever lost someone so dear to me. And while my faith tells me that they are in a far better place, it is still a dagger to my heart when I think about it.

Keep going, keep functioning, one day at a time.

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