4/30/09

Some new diet tricks...


I’d like to add two items to the “Tips for Anorexic’s” list that I started a couple of weeks ago.  In addition to putting hot sauce on EVERYTHING and drinking ICE COLD WATER, try these two things.

 

1.    Watch yourself on a movie someone made in your classroom while you were hosting the “first grade dance party”.  (Picture the beached whale dancing with tiny water sprites. It AIN’T pretty.)

 

2.   Get in a little bit of trouble at work for your blog.

 

 

These are my new top two ways to jumpstart your diet.  You can drop four pounds in six days.  Fool proof.  

97 comments:

Liz said...

One caution... the trouble at work part... can lead to weight gain in some situations. Been there, done that.

Hit 40 said...

Get in a little trouble...

This is why teachers count down the days until summer!!! Folks think we are "saints or priests"

And... they expect more from us than they are even willing to do for their own child :-(

My favorite example of this.... my child's daycare workers told me that most parents expected them to toilet train their children. The parents did nothing at home to support the training.

Mrs. D said...

Yikes, I wondered if work/blog was the problem... how's it going then? Was it a pissy parent? Or a colleague? You know what I always say? F*ck 'em if they can't take a joke.

Marie Reed said...

I'll be puttin' hot sauce on my chips then:)

WeaselMomma said...

a 1/2 gallon of fudge ripple should make you feel better.

dizzblnd said...

I have a feeling my blog might get me in trouble at work.. but until then.. f*ck it! Life's to short to have someone tell you how to live your life.

only a movie said...

Hang in there, VM.

Susan said...

Or just get divorced... or watch someone you love go through hospice... ugh.

I hope you are on your way back to happiness in your heart.

TRB Holt said...

You know in the "olden" days the work thingie never would have happened.

signed, baby boomer

American in Norway said...

hang in there girl! We are all here until you feel better!

Pop and Ice said...

Yes, having a total stress freakout can have its benefits. Like having to buy some new clothes. But ultimately your nerves can only stand so much. I am glad you are recovering and still with us.

Gaston Studio said...

Sounds like a plan to me except I usually EAT during a crisis!

I almost choked on my coffee at Hit40's comment about toilet training! Where the hell do these so called parents come from? Never mind, I don't want to know.

lizspin said...

Good job, Vodka, find the positive in everything!

♥ Braja said...

Ha! That's like my facelift tricks: get in a car accident and end up with a free plastic surgeon!!

xx

Renée aka Mekhismom said...

Wow, I know you work out so I don't think you look like a beached whale at all. And I hope that trouble is over now.

mo.stoneskin said...

As a rule I never think about beached whales dancing.

It's not that they can't dance...

...it's that they dance so damn badly.

Sass said...

I'm so the opposite...Stress hits me, I pig out.

I wish it were the other way around.

And I wish you weren't having any struggles right now.

Big hugs to you.

Rebecca said...

Can I put sauce on my hot fudge sundae?

Cora said...

Of course, I don't know the details, so feel free to call me an ignorant boob and tell me to shut up.

(I can take it.)

(Maybe.)

(*sniffle*)

But I fail to see how your amazing blog is of concern to people at work. Whoever is throwing a hissy fit really ought to back off and mind his/her own business in my I-don't-know-what-the-hell-is-going-on opinion.

So there.

((((HUGS))))

Krystyn said...

Stress is a great diet plan!

Hope they're off your backs now.

Coco said...

That never works for me. I can be so upset and sick that I can't eat for days and having the runs and STILL not lose an ounce.

Sucks.

Hope people at work get over themselves.

Coco said...

AND....that is why I blog under Coco. Sometimes I really NEED to say things about people from work.

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

Must tread lightly when it comes to speaking of work related things on a blog.... Very careful.

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

Christy said...

Yeah! You're really back. I'm so glad!

*Lissa* said...

Sweet! I'm off to get my teaching degree! ;o)

I hope today is better for you!

XOXO

blognut said...

I have no video of a first grade dance party to watch, so I just use a picture of my fat ass and several of my chins, and I call it up whenever I think I'm hungry.

Lesha said...

Definitely glad to see you back and all, but I hope the work thing works itself out. I think the stories from your students are awesome, sort of like a new age Bill Cosby "Kids say the darndest things" glance at how my kiddo will be in a few years. Anyway, if you end up needing new material, I'll lend you G for a while. He comes up with some doooozies, and he's not even 2 yet!

Suzy said...

I blog about all my evil neighbors and PRAY they read it.

Under the Influence said...

A little problem with the hot sauce - I LIKE hot sauce.

I am sorry about the work thing. Some people just have NO sense of humor.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

trouble? what do they know? bastards... congratulations on the loss though...

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

i would have gained four pounds! ps

Midwest Mommy said...

So my big question is who ratted you out? Another teacher? Parent?

Angie Ledbetter said...

Well, there will always be haters and green-eyed monsters. Go eat a hunkin' piece of cheesecake and enjoy the fact that you're Most Popular...and your kids love ya too. Nanner nanner boo boo!

zelzee said...

Hell of a weight loss system.......

I would rather do the "30 Day Shred".........

CK Lunchbox said...

uh huh, and when do we get to see the dance movie?

Just think, it could be the latest episode in the "Bring It On" franchise! "Bring It On IV: Teacher's Revenge"

LPC said...

Thanks for the hint. Glad to see you.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

That job/future job thing is why I try pretty hard to protect my anonymity. 'Course I'm not famous like you, so there is a trade-off.

Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

Serious stress makes me drop lbs too. Hope you are doing ok. And how about that redesign? I was following that at Nap Warden's place and it looked amazing!

Scandalous Housewife said...

It is my life long goal to become an anorexic, but I am always foiled weekly by a big bowl of queso and chips. It is my kryptonite.

Magpie said...

I wondered if #2 was what was going on. Sorry about that. People have no sense of humor.

darsden said...

LOL - been there - saw that of me- eeewwww- I will pass on #2.. I don't like to be in trouble, but boy I love to get others in trouble...LOL (just kidding)

Sprite's Keeper said...

What if you put hot sauce on your employer? Get thin AND even?
Glad you're bouncing back, Vodka Mom!

Sue Jackson said...

Guess a "little" bit a trouble is better than a "shitload" of trouble! Take care, Sue

for a different kind of girl said...

My first grader has a music program I'm attending today. He informed me last night there's some audience participation in the way of dancing involved. I immediately put the ice cream back in the freezer without even taking a scoop out. Then I had nightmares. Yeah. It's a feasible diet program!

Marinka said...

Also, those fucking masks that we're supposed to wear in honor of Swine Flu Week? They're like some kind of a condom for food or something! How are we supposed to eat?!?!

Char said...

uh, I thought that was "Joke em if they can't take a f**k".

Michel said...

I would like to thank you for this informational series. I, too, have been searching for a way to catch anorexia, but am seriously worried that I am immune.

However, have you tried putting hot sauce directly on the parents and work colleagues??

Cindy said...

Trouble?
You've never said one bad thing about anyone. You only tell the truth :)

SkylersDad said...

Whatever happens, continue with your blog. Quit work if you have to, but keep this going!

Signed:
Your readers

The Devil's Daughter-In-Law said...

I don't even want to think about the kind of trouble I could be in for my blog...

Let's hear all about it! You're already in trouble, right?

Dawg said...

trouble indeed works best

unless you stress eat, then your fucked

Dana's Brain said...

Ah yes - the stress tricks. Love those! (Happy to hear it was only a little trouble.

xoxo

Sandee said...

You do some scary things. You really do.

So how did you get in trouble at work with your blog? Language? Some disgruntled angelic mother? Just asking.

Have a terrific day. :)

Laggin said...

Ah. I wondered if that was it. Crap.

PLO said...

People suck sometimes!

Gladys said...

The divorce diet seemed to work for me. I lost 30 pounds in about a month...then I gained 60 in about the same time. So maybe that isn't the best diet.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Seriously - the only upside to stress at work? Loose pants!

jill jill bo bill said...

Can I get a job there? I need to lose 30. I can really piss someone off I need to.

Paige said...

Ohh, not good. That happened to me at work last fall. Just one more thing contributing to my down fall

Julie B. said...

I just wanted to send some love. I was away in Disney from April 14-21and am FINALLY getting back into the swing of things...I logged on to read what I missed...and well, you know the rest. I can't believe you deleted everything! I thought there was something wrong with my browser at first. Miss your "stories". Some people seriously need to get a sense of humour!!! Don't they know you made their children famous...oh well, there's always next year's class :)

Jeanne said...

Hope things are solid again -- that had to be scary with hubby out of work.

Heather said...

No one ever looks good on camera. As for the blog it is fab don't change a thing.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Thanks for the tips. I can really use these. You forgot to mention get a really BAD cold and worry yourself sick that you have the swine flu. That worked for me this week...

Captain Dumbass said...

Being on the run for a major felony works MIRACLES as well, but it helps to have a solid alibi once the exercise is up. Although prison food is quite nutritious.

Fancy Schmancy said...

I hope all is better, soon!

Wunderwoman said...

Hang in there! I really wish I didn't eat when I'm stressed...

Desert Songbird said...

It's your blog; screw it and eat up. Diet, schmiet.

LiteralDan said...

Also, take a picture (bonus points for a picture in profile) of yourself touching your chin to your chest as best you can.

While smiling.

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Watch myself in a home movie? I can't even look at my driver's license!

Dr Zibbs said...

I wonder where Kirty Ally falls into this plan?

Our Crazy Life said...

Some people just have no sense of humor!! Hope your trouble passes soon because I love reading your blog!

Ann's Rants said...

See upside to everything. ;)

Beached whale or not, I'm STILL jealous that you EVER had a tight ass.

WeaselMomma said...

I left you a little something over at http://worldofweasels.blogspot.com/
I hope you like it.

phd in yogurtry said...

I dropped the ice water .. and I do put hot sauce on nearly everything .. neither has helped. Guess I need to try getting into trouble with my blog?

Anna See said...

i'll keep my 6 extra lbs if it means i don't have to go through a week like you just had!

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

hey! That's something positive, isn't it..the weight loss?!! :)

A Woman Of No Importance said...

VKMom - Will you be planning to wear one of those badges reading, Lose weight now, ask me how? It may be a way to gain some British pounds ($) in cash! Just thinkin'...

Love to you, sweetie - Hang on tight, we are getting ready to dig those ditches, just you wait... x

anymommy said...

I hope it really was only a little. I've been thinking of you!

Phat Mama said...

As often happens, your post today inspired my own.

I hope reading it, you'll know how glad I am that you've returned.

*hugs&

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

I can't imagine having the will power of an anorexic. But I CAN imagine getting into both of those situations pointed out in your tips! ;-) Another tip: Get diagnosed for ADD and start taking the meds! They're like little miracle pills!! :D

SassyTwoSocks said...

By "little" do you mean some other educator with a stick up their ass didn't like that you were writing about your students?

You know what I say? They can suck it.

Counselormama said...

God, it just takes one person to complain...and then, damn! I try to lay low about my blog, I've only told teachers I really trust. But, then I don't have the readership that you do, makes it hard to stay incognito I would think!

MereCat said...

Wow! The whale and the water sprites? That would make a good disney movie. But the whale would have to be a real whale, not a beautiful princess like yourself. or what about a whale princess? That's it! Call disney!

Lorraine said...

As much as I'd like to lose weight I'm not about to send the link to my blog out in a school e-mail - even though I don't post half of what I'd really like to say. It would only reaffirm what some of them think about me anyway and I'm the only one allowed to call myself "the office bitch."

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

Well, I'm glad it was only a littttle bit. I'd hate to change the term "getting Dooced" to "getting Martini'd." Though that does sound a bit more fun. Especially since "Dooce" sounds too similar to a female cleansing ritual...

For Myself said...

Do you have ANY IDEA how happy I am that you're back?!?
Seriously. Any.

xoxo

Ice Queen said...

Maybe you just need a different view.

P.S. Your first tip is ridiculous!

AS Amber said...

Shit, bring on summer right? I freakin' hate people that cause problems for no good reason at all.

Jerks.

Oh, I kissed another man when I was still married to my first husband and the pit in my stomach made me not want to eat anything. I lost 15 lbs in a month. Too bad I love the crap outa my husband now. I could stand to drop 50 lbs.

Far Side of Fifty said...

A little trouble..hope the storm has passed.. I am glad to see you posting again. :)

flutter said...

email me, yo. I need to yap at you

Laura said...

Excellent advice. Can I add these to the diet book I am writing? It is called HOW TO LOSE 100 POUNDS BY MID NIGHT.

South City Studio said...

You're hysterical. Stopping by from SITS. I'll be back :)

rightonmom said...

Sorry for your troubles. Those school systems can be so nit picky. Sheesh. Hope all better now

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Sorry that you had the trouble but just glad you're back. Hugs.

michelle said...

Damn Parents.

Mamalikes said...

So does this mean you're staying with us??? Damn nutjob parents...that's what it was, right? I swear that's the primary reason I didn't stay in teaching, nutjob parents.

Stick around please, Vodka! I just got settled in and would miss you terribly on my reader ;).

Joanne said...

Glad that you are staying? You are soooo funny. I also got caught out by 'Greenpeace', I was working for them, not anymore but they are still reading just to make sure!

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