6/21/15

The measure of a man...(Happy Father's Day....it's a tough gig, isn't it?)

I am posting this for my father; a man who was kind, gentle and brave. I miss him every SINGLE day, but I know that he watches over me...



My father was a quiet and gentle man, with a sharp mind and a very quick wit. He served our country faithfully in the Navy for 28 years, during which time he attended law school and retired with the rank of Captain – an officer of the Navy JAG unit.

When I was young, he would tell us stories here and there of his life as a soldier.  He shared one particular story of being on a ship in the water at the beaches of Normandy. If my memory serves me correctly, he was on a ship that was responsible for transporting the wounded to safety.

He often told the story about being stationed in Korea during the Conflict, and standing next to a Jeep that had been shot. (The shot landed where you might typically find a gas tank.) He called THAT one of his lucky days.

His crowning moment, however, came during his high school football career when his team, the Geneva Bulldogs played their archrivals from Ashtabula. He was the center for the team, and the big play of the game was the center sneak, where he pretended to hike the ball-tucked it under his shirt and sauntered slowly across the goal line. He smiled and laughed every single time he told that story, and so did I.

He died of a massive heart attack when I was 19 years old. The doctors and nurses, who just happened to be dining at the country club at the same time as my parents, could not revive him. He was 58 years old.

There are many lessons that my father taught me before we lost him, but the most important ones were about empathy. I know that he felt the true measure of a man was in the way he treated others. He showed me, by example, that you treat people with compassion, kindness, and a gentle hand. I saw this every single day as he helped so many coal miners in our depressed and tiny town and never reminded them that lawyers were supposed to get paid.  I think he knew that his pay would come at the pearly gates; I just don't think he knew it would be so very soon.  Yes, he had a gentle hand and often, always stretched it out to others.

And those hands?  Those ones who grab ahold for dear life?  Those are the ones that will reach out to you and pull you through those holy gates. You know those gates- they’re the ones you enter before you are truly judged, by the one person that really matters.







Empathy.  It's the real deal. 

134 comments:

Eric said...

Gone but not forgotten... My dad passed away last December.

Paula said...

He sounds like a great man.. and a fabulous Dad. You were blessed... not all of us have that.

He was blessed too. He had you. =]

Shawn said...

Aww, thankfully I still have both of my parents.

I wish you still had yours also. They both sound like wonderful people that certainly left their mark on their daughter.

WeaselMomma said...

Those are great stories and memories. Thanks for sharing. It sounds like your Dad measured up very well.

Gaston Studio said...

"..compassion, kindness and a gentle hand." Truer words were never spoken.

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

Makes me miss my dad even more so.

DI
The Blue Ridge Gal

Rick Daley said...

A person who is nice to you but is mean to the waitress is not a nice person.

I love being a dad!

Beth said...

You brought tears to my eyes and a flood of memories to the front and center. I'm so sorry you lost your dad so young.

I'm sure he is watching you and I know he'd be proud of you. You compassion and humor touches a lot of lives.

Angie Ledbetter said...

Aww, sweet! Love my daddy too. :)

Antique book giveaway going on at my place today.

blognut said...

You honor him by sharing his memory with us. It sounds like he was a wonderful man.

dizzblnd said...

What a beautiful tribute to your dad! You have to know he is very proud of you

Phat Mama said...

It's wonderful that he was the kind of Dad to make such an impact on your life.

You both were blessed.

only a movie said...

Beautifully written, VM. I'm glad you still feel him near you. He has to be really proud of you. :-)

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

That is beautiful...you are lucky to have had someone like that in your life, if for just that short time.

Thank you for sharing.

Dana's Brain said...

I love hearing about your parents. It is no surprise that your Dad was a wonderful man - just look at the daughter he helped create.

SkylersDad said...

Wow, 58 years old. Far too young for such a great soul.

Sass said...

This was a beautiful post, VM...

There's nothing better than a truly great father.

And the visiting in your dreams....my grandmother does that lately.

And I think that's okay. It's a little hug, when we need it most.

Hal Johnson said...

I'm lucky in a sense, I guess: my dad was just fifty-nine when he died of a heart attack, but I was 35. Still, it stabs me when I think about how much he would have enjoyed being a grandfather.

Still, I treasure the time we had together.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

you were truly blessed honey. i have my great memories like this with sarge though, not parents.

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

i see chuck today! ps

zelzee said...

There's something about fathers and daughters......a special bond.

My dad has been gone for 12 years, and there is not one day that goes by that I don't wish I could talk to him just one more time!

I miss him so........

Pop and Ice said...

I still have both my parents, so I still get to hear the funny stories of my youth. Do I remember the cows that used to peruse our neighborhood before it was finished? Because there was a farm? Yes I do. And I am thankful.

Mango Girl said...

My father was a coward; my mother a lunatic. I just LOVE, LOVE, LOVE hearing stories about inspirational parents... I am so very sorry you lost your father at such a young age...I am so glad his inspiration lives within you.

Peace and Blessings...

darsden said...

Wonderful tribute to your dad. I am sorry you loss both your parents so young!

The last sentences sums it all up! Very profound and true!

Sue said...

"Empathy" is a very important word that sadly, many people in our world today don't know of its existence. The loss of parents is so hard. I was lucky to have my parents around for a long time. And after my mom died, my day died five months later on Valentine's Day. It' funny how life works sometimes. Thanks for your great post today. Take care, Sue

Stacy said...

It seems to me that your dad did a good job with those lessons. Thanks for sharing your memories. They made me think of the lessons my own dad taught me.

♥ Braja said...

Darling friend; you were so young when your parents both left...it is sad...

And yes, it is said in the Bhagavad-gita that the 3 gates to hell are lust, anger, and greed... all ready to stop us...xx

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

So sorry you lost both of your parents so young. This tribute to your father is so beautifully written. You have me all choked up over here on a Sunday morning.

Anna Lefler said...

Oh, I love this.

...A.

Marla said...

That was a wonderful tribute to what sounds like an amazing man.

Fragrant Liar said...

Beautiful tribute to your dad. I can't imagine what life will be like when I lose mine. Best to you.

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Ah, VodkaMom, life is never the same without our beloved parents, non?

We were both very lucky to have loving parents, and the fact that our dads stilll come to see us in our dreams means to me that they are never really gone... Love to you, VKMom! xox

LORI said...

TRULY AN AWESOME-SOUNDING GUY!

gwendomama said...

I've missed you. Glad you're still here too. Mighty oaks and little acorns and all that...your dad was awesome. My life hasn't been the same since my dad kicked it 8 years ago.

Suzy said...

Wow, is your father going to hate my post tomorrow.

Barrie said...

What a loving tribute. Just checking up on you. xo

Scobberlotcher said...

Oh, this is a great post.

And yes, I bet you could find an old copy of ELLEN FOSTER anywhere. It was published in the late 80s so my Half Price store had dozens of them. I know you will love this story. :)

Reveda said...

Hi VM,

I visited your blog through Braja's and liked it. This post was nice.

My name is Reveda....I am a 6 month old and have a blog of mine.....my blog is my own narrative and is maintained on words lent by my father.....

you or your followers can visit me and re-live their childhood @ http://reveda.blogspot.com/

you will certainly enjoy it....

thanks again!

reveda- India
http://reveda.blogspot.com/

Kat said...

Your father sounds like a wonderful man and I enjoyed hearing about his life. My mom was only 60 and she had a heart attack as well. I often feel like it's unfair and that she had so much more life to live. But then I think back to all the amazing things that she did and how many lives she touched and made a difference in and that makes me smile.

Lee Ryan said...

Excellent post!

My father suffered a similar fate when I was 23 (he was 51).

On days when I'm feeling sorry for myself, I wish I'd known him as a fellow adult.

This post reminds me that even at a young age we can learn such important things from our parents.

Madge said...

my dad passed away from a massive heart attack when i was 16. unfortunately i didn't really know him at all -- parents divorced when i was very young.

i love this post -- a wonderful tribute to your dad -- so glad you had the time you had with him.

Lorraine said...

Before I read your post this morning I was washing the dishes and my husband was writing checks and he said "today's May 3rd right?" and I said yes, and I remembered today is my father's birthday. He died 10 years ago, 2 days before Christmas. My heart still aches for him.

mike said...

Very nice tribute to your father. I like the part about him visiting you in your dreams... And I like the Al Bundy Glory Days at Polk High type story, and how happy it made you both.

Coffee with Cathy said...

Deborah -- Thank you so much for sharing these powerful remembrances of your parents with us. Your stories resonate with our own memories and remind us of the important things in life -- the things we carry with us always.

TMCPhoto said...

My father passed from a heart attack when I was 15. He was away working at the time and for the longest time it was difficult to think of him being GONE because he had been gone working for a while before it happened.

I was at the age where you start to pull away from your parents and try to find your footing as a young adult. I was also at the age where I was starting to get to know my parents as people and not just Mom and Dad. I'm glad that I was able to start building that connection before it was too late.

He also comes to visit me in my dreams at times and visit him in the Summerlands on All Hallows. I know he is proud of the person I have become but we always miss the people we love when they are gone. Thank you for sharing.

King of New York Hacks said...

Thanks for sharing that, I lost my Mom when she was 57, yet she left so much behind as your Father did. I love hearing stories of praising a parent instead of bashing them as some tend to do too often. Sending you and your Father honks from my taxi as I smile of your shared memory.

Sue said...

I am sorry that you lost both your parents at such young ages. I am happy that you have such good memories, though.

Lisa said...

beautiful memories xx

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

There's some bling for you over at my blog...

phd in yogurtry said...

What a proud legacy, and a loving one too.

Julie B. said...

My dad passed away from cancer when I was 21 and I dream about him quite often...and it's weird that those dreams always seem to be the most "real".

tamilyn said...

What a beautiful post in honor of your dad. So Sorry that you have lost both of your parents at a young age, but it sounds like they both taught you so many wonderful things in the short time they were with you. I know they are both smiling down from Heaven saying "that's our girl"

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

love the one about tucking the ball in his shirt! What a fun guy!!

Joanie said...

Your dad sounds amazing. I'll say a prayer for him.


Da Goddess

GutsyWriter said...

My Mother died at 57, way too young and she always worried my Dad would die first. He's alive and almost 84. Recently I've decided to interview him about WWII. He lives in Paris, where I grew up. You reminded me that I need to go visit him soon.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

What a great lesson your father gave you. He was a smart man. Your own compassion shows you've learned the lessons well.

Anonymous said...

dads and field hockey brought back memories thanks

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Lorna said...

What a beautiful tribute. You are lucky.
~Lorna

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justsomethoughts... said...

another beautiful tribute

Angelia Sims said...

What an incredible man. I love his sneak and the joy it brought him.

I lost both my dads in the last year and half. I know your heart still aches. I think mine always will....keep replaying those memories.

Cindy @ Chalk it Up! said...

What touching memories! You must miss him very much.

Katherine said...

Very sweet! Your Grandfather sounds like an incredible man!

tattytiara said...

That football strategy is one of the best examples of work smarter not harder that I've ever heard.

gaelikaa said...

Wonderful memories

TheShoppingGirl said...

You brought tears to my eyes. And you reminded me that even though my dad can be a pain in the neck at times, I'm lucky to still have him.

heather said...

thank you for sharing this, so touching. i'm sorry you've lost your dad. it is always hard, but even sadder as he was way too young. please know that he is watching over you each and every day. i surely believe that.

on another note it's a blast from the past. i lived for my first 10 years in jefferson, in ashtabula county. my dad coached football for jefferson, playing teams from ashtabula and geneva.

did you ever live in that area? i remember geneva-on-the-lake. and boating and beaches on lake erie... fond memories.

thanks again for sharing your dad with us.

{ Persis Shah } said...

they say you can tell a lot about a man from the way he treats animals, children and the poor.

great post! Happy SITS day! I'm super excited to have discovered your fab blog...

see you soon! x.

cat said...

What a lovely tribute to your dad. A real man!

Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry" said...

Nice post about your dad here. Love that football story and certainly agree with the measure of a man.

Congrats on your SITS Day!

Elizabeth a.k.a. Type A Mommy said...

Thank you for sharing that, made me think about my dad, who passed away six years ago. Sounds like he had a lot in common with your dad.

Christine said...

I think your dad sounds like he was a wonderful person...all the way around. I wish he could have stayed longer.

A lovely tribute...great post.

JDaniel4's Mom said...

Thank goodness the man behind the gate will say, "I have pay the price in full for all that was wrong."

Your dad sounds like he was wonderful.

Fiftiesmom said...

Perfect timing for revisiting this wonderful post. Yesterday would have been my dad's 80th birthday and I've been thinking about him a lot. Even though I didn't know your dad well, I remember that I was always a little bit awed that he was a Captain!

Louise said...

Sounds like you miss him a lot. I'm not surprised - from what you say, he must have been a wonderful father.

Jen said...

Sorry for your loss however I can surely relate. I lost my Mom 32 years ago when I was 10. A close death at a young age DOES teach you alot about humanity and mortality as well as making you a much stronger individual.

Herself said...

What a lovely tribute to your dad! It's not often these days to hear words of honor spoken about parents.

Annie @ astonesthrowfrominsanity said...

What a lovely tribute to your dad! He sounds like a wonderful man.

knit1kids4 said...

What an excellent post.

Pam said...

Your Dad sounds like a wonderful man. How sad that you lost him at such a young age. Apparently, he left you with fabulous memories and important lessons.

Mrsbear said...

Sounds like a great guy. Sorry you had to lose him so early. He had a lot of powerful lessons to teach.

Melissa @ Cellulite Investigation said...

I miss hearing the stories and sayings my grandfather always repeated. It's amazing how many times one man can fit into conversation: "I'm a lover, not a fighter."

Shana said...

What a nice tribute to your dad. He sounds like a wonderful man and I'm sorry that you had to lose him to young.

Marie said...

I am sorry to hear of your tremendous loss at such a young age...He sounds like he was an amazing man.

Tracy @ Hall of Fame Moms said...

Beautiful story about your dad- that is the impact he had on your life. I'm sorry he died at such a young age in his life and yours.

Truly, the ONE Judge that matters is the one we should be ready to meet. The great fact is that HE (THE judge has already provided a payment for our sins- it is the only "get out of jail free" card). But it is only through repentance of our sins to trusting Christ as our final payment. Romans chapter 3 and John chapter 3.

Liz @ the Brambleberry Cottage said...

Wonderful memories of your dad. I too have great admiration for my dad. He has taught me much as well.

gringationcancun said...

Beautiful. The football story sounds awesome!

Natalie at Mommy on Fire said...

I'm beginning to believe we might be twin souls - I am a former teacher (stay home full-time now), mom of three little ones and lost my father unexpectedly nine years ago. I couldn't agree more - I look forward to holding Dad's hand as I pass through those gates some day. What a joy it will be. Beautifully written. Thank you.

glenna said...

Your dad was a real man. Touching story!

Skooks said...

He sounds like a wonderful man. I'm sorry you lost him so young.

Heather said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Now I'm going to go hug my dad.

Stopping by from SITS.

Joann Mannix said...

So beautiful.

My father, died far too young, also. He was 66 years old and the picture of health- a runner, a vegetarian, a man who tried his best to keep the bad away.

He was patching a hole on our family's roof when he had a massive heart attack. He was doing what he did best, taking care of his family.

He, too, showed me the right way to live life, through the sharing of his heart, through the time he always made for us, no matter what he was doing, for the love he so generously gave to all of us.

We were both blessed to have good men in our life. They're watching over us, you know.

Thank you for your lovely words.

Mommie Daze (Colleen) said...

So sweet. He sounds like a very special man.

Writer Mommy said...

This was really beautiful. You are so blessed to have had such a loving father. There are many in the world who never get to experience that.

Meanbean said...

beautiful...wow I love this. He sounds a lot like the man I'm married to...empathy and compassion are his biggest traits, and things he holds in impossibly high regard. What a blessing your dad must have been to others!

Randa @ The Bewitchin' Kitchen said...

That was a beautiful post about your father

Kim said...

I'm sorry your dad passed away before his time.

marit said...

such a sweet post about your dad. it's nice of you to share the wisdom that he passed on to you. it's so so obvious how much he meant to you!

Bea said...

I'm glad you have such sweet memories of your dad. It sounds like you learned some valuable life lessons and that he's still very much alive in your heart and soul.

Bentley Boutique said...

What precious memories you have of your dad. I'm sure he is proud of you as he watches you live your life..

AmericanTribal said...

This is a really beautiful post. Your dad sounds like an amazing man.

Mama Kat said...

I can only hope that my kids can take away such wonderful lessons from my example when it's my time.

Leah Rubin said...

What a lovely tribute. My dad died too young, too-- 66, in his sleep. I found him. Worst part: my 5-year old son was with me. I miss him every day, and it's just short of 23 years!

Love, and good parenting are forever. (Sadly, so is bad parenting.)

Merry Mack said...

I also had a father who knew kindness has no ends. He taught me how to be a true friend. He also died at 58 of a heart attack. May we both treasure our moments with great fathers and pass it on.
http://merrymack.com/?p=239
Happy SITS Day!

Pastor Sharon said...

Wow. . amazing dad you had!

Sara Plays House said...

What a lovely tribute to your dad, and what a valuable lesson he taught you. I'm so glad I read this.

Andrea said...

What a lovely tribute to your dad.

mom2kmjx2 said...

He sounds wonderful, You were blessed with an awesome dad.

Mom of the Twinkies and Tot! said...

It sounds like you had a great father and were lucky enough to have a very full relationship with him even though you lost him at such a young age. I don't know what I would do, but it sounds like your father's memory has carried you to where you are today. Thank you for sharing with us.

Renee Weatherford said...

Oh my - he sounded like a wonderful man! My dad has a similar story of the war. They are true heroes!

Kristin said...

What a beautiful post. I'm so sorry for your loss. But how lucky you are to have had the time you did with him!

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

抓姦 ,
抓姦 ,
抓姦 ,
抓姦 ,
抓姦 ,
抓姦 ,
抓姦 ,
抓姦 ,
抓姦 ,
抓姦 ,
抓姦 ,
抓姦 ,
抓姦 ,
抓姦 ,
抓姦
外遇 ,
外遇 ,
外遇 ,
外遇 ,
外遇
離婚 ,
離婚 ,
離婚 ,
離婚 ,
離婚
離婚 ,
離婚 ,
離婚 ,
離婚 ,
離婚
外遇
外遇
外遇
偵探
偵探
偵探
三重房屋
三重買屋
三重賣屋
花蓮民宿
花蓮民宿

Roshni said...

Wonderful memories! Thank you for sharing! I see that the Chinese commentor before me is very eloquent in his/her emotion for this post! :P

Karen said...

My dad was in WWII and the Korean "conflict" as well (Air Force). When I was 17 he suffered a massive heart attack and spent three months in the CICU. He was 57. He died of a massive heart attack at the age of 60 (6 days before his 61st bd & 4 days before my bd - I was 4 days shy of 21). My oldest brother was a Lt. Commander in the Navy. He died last year of a massive heart attack at the age of 60 (two weeks before his 61st birthday). I last remaining brother (USN) (I originally had 3) will be 60 this year.

You never stop missing them. And yet, life moves on anyway. I do like that that the funny memories eventually crowd out the unhappy ones and you end up with happy stories and memories. It's been an amazing process.

You are one of the strongest women I've never met.

Audric's Mom said...

A big salute to your dad. He sounds like a great man, and I'm so sorry for your loss.

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quiltmom said...

One of the things I love about your blog is that I never know whether I am going to laugh or cry but I always know I am going to think and feel- that is what empathy feels like to me. You have it in spades, my friend.
Thank you for this touching post( it should have a disclaimer of needing a tissue or two)
Wishing you and yours a lovely day. May you celebrate the joys of being a loving person that brings much to others.
Warmest regards,
Anna

ChiTown Girl said...

I love reading this every year, and being reminded about what a wonderful man your dad was.

Now what the HELL do you mean you moved AGAIN?!?!?!