7/5/09

Do not pet the snakes...


To the person or persons who have discovered my secret raspberry gardens along the bike path behind my house:

When I wrote that piece in the newspaper last summer describing their location, and I stated that there were enough black raspberries for everyone…I LIED!! There are obviously NOT enough to go around, and I would rather you all go find your own secret raspberry patches.

Oh, and just this morning I saw MAN-EATING daddy long-legged spiders crawling around the bushes; as well as HUGE raspberry-eating poisonous disgusting SNAKES that hide in the bushes. (Scary-looking carnivorous ones that look extremely hungry.)

So next time you feel like picking berries, just walk right on by. But – could you leave me a good recipe for piecrust? I’d greatly appreciate it.

Oh, and a note to the masses – if you are planning on wearing a cute sundress or something that shows your legs to a 30-year high school reunion NEXT WEEKEND, do NOT go berry picking. Odds are great your arms and legs will be scratched to hell before you realize what you’ve done. (Yeah. I’ll be the chunky ex-gymnast with scratches all over body.)



49 comments:

Unknown said...

Thank you for this wonderfully amusing public service announcement!
~AM

Angie Ledbetter said...

Reunion pals will just have to wonder what you've been up to to get all those scratches and scrapes!

PS Buy the pre-made pie crusts. Can't tell 'em from made-from-scratch. (Sorry, bad word choice.) :)

The Seeker said...

Thanks for adding the #thankyouaaron thing.

As for pie crust, I use the pillsbury dough stuff found in your freezer. It is just as good as the homemade stuff, and not to expensive. I sprinkle sugar on top.

WeaselMomma said...

Dude, a man was eating Daddy long legs spiders and you didn't get a pic?????
I'm just being stupid of course. Enjoy the berries, or what's left anyway.

Kathryn Magendie said...

*laughing* we feel that way when tourists come to the cove and start picking all our blackberries - HARUMPH! Hey, there's copperheads in those blackberry bushes - huhn.

Hit 40 said...

Tell the scratches are from ROUGH SEX!!!

Hit 40 said...

How the heck can I be the first person to say this crude comment??

Kim said...

Hhhhmmmm...maybe those snakes and spiders are eating the berries? Oh wait, you said they were CARNIVOROUS. Never mind.

a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

jiffy pie crust. pretty much rocks it sister!

man eating daddy long legs. i like it.

Liz Wilkey (a.k.a. A Mom on Spin) said...

Perhaps all the jealous ex-cheerleaders would have scratched you up if the raspberries hadn't already done the job for them. . .

confused homemaker said...

here i thought only my basement had man-eating-daddy-long-legs.

Anonymous said...

We have a secret raspberry picking spot as well right along the railroad tracks that are near my house. Luckily, only a few people know about it. Yesterday we went picking, and now the whole family is covered in scratches. Plus, my mom is deathly afraid of snakes so whenefer she went in the high grass and someone said anything about snakes, she would FREAK out (it was really funny).

LadyFi said...

Scratched legs are in this year... as are huge raspberry-loving snakes! ;-9

Lola said...

Perhaps the public service announcement should have been included in that piece for the newspaper. Hindsight is 20/20 isn't it?

Hope you have a happy and safe 4th of July weekend.

Please stop by Lin's Duck and Wheel With String to vote for me, Lola, in her First Official Dork-Off Contest. Vote for my photo, because my kindergarten photo is THE dorkiest.

http://duckandwheelwithstring.blogspot.com/2009/07/first-official-dork-off.html

Thanks!
Lola

http://lolasdiner.blogspot.com/

Smart Mouth Broad said...

ACK! My reunion is coming at the end of Aug. (30 yrs also). I'll be the fat chick. I just know it.

Boozy Tooth said...

Don't forget the vampires and serial killers that like to hang by the berry bushes. That ought to make some folks pause before eating all the goodies.

Right?

Travis Erwin said...

That's way to much trouble for berries if you ask me.

Anne said...

I am a pie crust freak...I love the one out of my Better Homes red & white checked cookbook. Recently I've been also using the recipe from Ree-The Pioneer Woman's recipe and it is fabulous too...

Pseudo said...

Those pie crusts in the red box by the cookie dough are pretty darn good... and no need for a recipe.

Melissa B. said...

I admit it...I'm the culprit. I put the spiders and the snakes in the raspberry bushes to scare off everyone else. Beware...While you're off at your reunion (sundress, scratches, and all), I'll be in the bushes, poaching your berries~BWAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Midlife Roadtripper said...

Oh, well. At least they will notice you. And I love black raspberries - but I didn't steal them from you. I would, though.

Michel said...

Secret to great pie crust is ice water! Not sure why. My grandma told me - always flaky.

We used to have a huge raspberry patch when I grew up. I was traumatized by the damn spiders that hid on the backside of the berries and would randomly jump out at you.

Plus, I was also creeped out by the berries that had a large bite out of them - bc i always knew i would one day meet the spider that ate that mother f'in thing!

So what I'm trying to say here is: IT WAS NOT ME!

But i do love berries. I just won't pick 'em

Zip n Tizzy said...

Even blog queens need to keep some things secret!

Ron said...

Oh I cannot wait... we are on are way there next week and I already promised the kids the can get to pick the berries. Growing up it was mandated that we pick 50 qts to freeze for winter... it's not so much fun when it's mandated.

I miss PA.

(and thank you for the "kiss." I am humbled.)

Unknown said...

I know you are not chunky! You will look great for the reunion. And I hope the Daddy long legs gets that thief, but not before he/she leaves that pie crust recipe.

Ann On and On... said...

Now...where is that secret patch of berries? I was just talking about making jam. Hee Hee

I was just at my 20th reunion. I looked at my husband before going in..."two hours max". We ended up staying 4, it was a blast. Make up some fantastic story about your scratches.... just for fun.

Ice Queen said...

A reunion sounds like a good place to cause some trouble.

Fragrant Liar said...

Hey, at least they'll think you live your life dangerously. You could say you've just returned from a secret mission in the Middle East. Afghanistan. Poppy fields. You'd probably get, like, the Most Worldy, um, Heroine award.

flutter said...

well thank you! I feel ready to face the world, now

The Mind of a Mom said...

Oh I live at the edge of the Niagara Escarpment (In Ontario Canada) and we have amazing fresh fruits this time of year.
Here is an amazing recipe for pie crust
Remember that everything needs to be very cold and do not over work the dough
But most importantly enjoy your berry pie!


2 cups all purpose flour
1 tsp sea salt
2/3 cup shortening
2 tbsp unsalted butter, softened
4 - 6 tbsp ice water

Combine flour and salt then cut in shortening and butter. Add 1 tbsp ice water at a time. Mix until all flour is moistened and dough almost cleans side of bowl. Divide dough into two balls and shape into a flattened rounds. Place the one round on parchment paper. Cover with another sheet of parchment paper. Roll dough two inches larger than inverted pie pan. Remove top piece of parchment. Place inverted pie pan in centre of the dough then slowly flip bottom parchment paper with crust into pie pan. Repeat for a two crust pie inverting onto filled pie or for one crust pie make two pies or freeze the remainder.

Sandy said...

Right up there with "don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff."

Unknown said...

I promise not to pick your berries!

Brenda Susan said...

Yum, I don't blame you for putting a huge disclaimer on your berry patch! Maybe bear-traps would help?

Desert Songbird said...

Ewwww...did you say the "S" word? Me no likey dem. In fact, me hate dem!!!!!

Maggie May said...

this is so summer

cheatymoon said...

No worries about the scratches, VM. I bet there won't be any other bloggers w/ 900 followers at your reunion. I'm sure you'll have a lovely time.

:-)

Anonymous said...

At least you have rasberries AND snakes, we just have snakes here in Texas.

Liz Mays said...

Scratches are in. Raspberries are out. No worries.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Poachers! And I'm sure you'll look lovely in the dress - You can get rid of those scratches in a week. Just put some good ointment on them and don't pick. And makeup can always help. I wiped out on asphalt a month before my cousin's wedding and covered a huge pink patch on my shoulder with some makeup.

Jen said...

If you want to MAKE a piecrust (I do, they taste SO much better!) the one in Ultimate Southern Living's Cookbook comes out perfect every.single.time. I don't make anything else now. If you want it, I'll be happy to email you.

Lola said...

Thank you for voting for me in the First Official Dork-Off at Lin's Duck and Wheel With String.

http://duckandwheelwithstring.blogspot.com/

The votes are in and the winner has been announced. Thanks so much for your vote. Be sure to come back and check out Lin's blog and my blogs.

Thanks again!
Lola
http://lolasdiner.blogspot.com

Formerly known as Frau said...

You had me at spiders and snakes I'm not touching your raspberries!

Beth said...

I knew it! Those granddaddy long legs DO eat people! I've been telling my husband for years and now I have proof.

This is proof, right?

The Nice One said...

yea, my arms look like I've been wrestling with a large litter of kittens from picking all the berries. i guess it's worth it, they are so yum!

Joanie said...

I swear it wasn't me picking the berries. But I wish it had been. They sound good.

And I'm glad I won't have all the scratches for my reunion (25th), although I bet my legs are chunkier.

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Joanna Jenkins said...

What a hoot!!!
I just finished making blackberry jam-- but not from YOUR blackberries :-)

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