To the person or persons who have discovered my secret raspberry gardens along the bike path behind my house:
When I wrote that piece in the newspaper last summer describing their location, and I stated that there were enough black raspberries for everyone…I LIED!! There are obviously NOT enough to go around, and I would rather you all go find your own secret raspberry patches.
Oh, and just this morning I saw MAN-EATING daddy long-legged spiders crawling around the bushes; as well as HUGE raspberry-eating poisonous disgusting SNAKES that hide in the bushes. (Scary-looking carnivorous ones that look extremely hungry.)
So next time you feel like picking berries, just walk right on by. But – could you leave me a good recipe for piecrust? I’d greatly appreciate it.
Oh, and a note to the masses – if you are planning on wearing a cute sundress or something that shows your legs to a 30-year high school reunion NEXT WEEKEND, do NOT go berry picking. Odds are great your arms and legs will be scratched to hell before you realize what you’ve done. (Yeah. I’ll be the chunky ex-gymnast with scratches all over body.)