11/21/09

Those Pioneers Were Brilliant....


I’ve discovered the reason that the pioneers and people from the “old days” wed their daughters to strangers when they were 15.

It’s because their daughters were bitches and they couldn’t stand them anymore. It’s true.

Now, I don’t want anyone out there with young girls to shake their heads and say, “Oh, my little Apple would NEVER be like that. She will never tell me to go to hell, or flip me the finger, or say ‘f*#$ you’ to me.”

Guess again. Yeah, I said those words. I judged people. I shook my head. And now, am I eating crow, man, or what?

When Bitchy was about 14 (I’m just ballparking here) she began to earn her nickname. At first I kept my mouth shut; I screamed; I’m sure I took a swipe or two; and I distinctly remember dragging her down the hall by her hair and shoving soap in her mouth after she called me a b*&$#. Then, I ran screaming to the liquor store and that’s where I’ve been ever since. (They know my name.)

There were many, many nights I would lay awake in bed and ask God “How can it be that I do not like my daughter?” I’m here to tell ya, I really, really, really, really didn’t like her AT ALL. I thought that I must be the most horrible person, let alone MOTHER, in the world! (And yeah, now I know why many animals eat their young.)

The good news is, I really did try to maintain some self-control, and I have to say - in all honesty, I really do love her again. It’s true!! Oh, we still have our moments, she is 20, after all, but I can honestly look at her and feel the deep, unwavering love. Whew.

However, back to the killing of the young thing; Sassy is 17 and I feel like I’m in a bad movie that is repeating itself. Did someone hit the rewind button when I wasn’t looking? Didn’t I tell my bff that this would NEVER happen to Sassy? Didn’t I? Yeah, and now I am shaking my head and laughing at myself.


At this point in my ranting, I’d like to give a little advice to Sue. Take two martinis and we’ll chat in three years.


By then, you’ll see a glimpse of that lovely young lady we all once knew and loved.

55 comments:

WeaselMomma said...

God sure does know what he is doing. He starts them out so cute, innocent and sweet in order to make us love them. It's the only that keeps them alive during those teen years when it seems impossible to like them.

Sara J. Henry said...

I think this means you're doing something right - obviously they're not repressed or afraid to express themselves! Trust me, incredibly well-behaved teen girls do exist, but problems break out later. Hang in there, count backwards from 10 (or 100, if need be), try not to scream (they win then) - you may not be able to change their behavior, but you can change your reaction (and perhaps the repercussions for their behavior).

Maybe go to the simple list method: x number of infractions, maybe with a certain number of points each (name-calling, screaming, breaking curfew) equals specific penalties (losing phone for a week, grounding, etc.)

When all else fails, watch Supernanny. Or call her.

otin said...

Do they make enough vodka to deal with teenagers??? :)

Ace said...

Three years might be optimistic. My Princess is 17 and she still makes me consider lobotomy as a vacation option on a daily basis.

Alix said...

Ohmygahhhhhh! It happened to me too! Juvenile Delinquent Son and I Can't Believe I Gave Birth To You Daughter. I was borderline suicidal for seven years, and then * voila * they became human people. People I even like.

No, love.

It happened to me. Finally, praise Jesus.

And it will happen to you.

I promise.

You will survive - if by the skin of your martini glass. Hang in, VM, hang in.

ChiTown Girl said...

And THIS is one of the many reasons I thank God every single day for giving me a SON!!!!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

There is always a trade off... but were those pretty pink newborn outfits really worth it?

Seriously - my daughter is only three - so I'm just enjoying her harmless defiance while I can. I know what waits for me in the future!

Lori said...

Amen to that and thank you. I thought that maybe I had lost my mind and someone had apparently switched my 16 year old with some strange clone about a year ago. Whew!

Mary Anne said...

NOT looking forward to this! The Girl is ten, so I get the occasional glimpse of it, but she still loves me and hasn't discovered profanity yet. My niece is 16. When we see them, she's great and my SIL comments that it is nice to see that the human is still in there, somewhere.
I will enjoy being loved while I can and take comfort in the knowledge that, when she does go off the deep end and push me over the edge, it will only be for a few years . . . (that's comforting?)

Joanie M said...

Do you mean to tell me that I might actually LIKE Dani again? That the mean selfish bitch will leave and a decent human being will emerge?

She's been home for 12 hours and I'm already counting the hours until she goes back to school.

Just Vignettes said...

99% of teen girls go through this phase with their mom. It's just a given that one day you will wake up and wonder what happened to the darling little girl. So nice that it does pass and they grow up to be our friends!

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal
and
Just Vignettes

Joanie M said...

OK, for verification, my older daughter is here overnight (she's singing in a friend's wedding today) We're getting ready to go to breakfast. She asked me, "Should I wake up Satan, or should just the 2 of us go?" I rest my case.

Vodka Logic said...

My daughters are 15 and 20, so I could have written that post. I must say though the older wasn't as "bad" as the younger. Luckily I didn't have the bitchy one first.

thanks for the laugh

Scary Mommy said...

I love what you call your daughters. It's perfect.

Secretia said...

After 13 years old, all the kids are running wild, but some are better at hiding it than others.

Secretia

LilliGirl said...

Sooooo been there done that...getting ready for round 2

SkylersDad said...

Even my kid, who can't talk and is in a chair, turns and gives me that look and grunts at me. I just know he is telling me to stick it.

Michele said...

Boys do not do this. They say, "F&^k this" then go hide in their rooms. Which is so much better.

IB said...

Reading about your daughters makes me appreciate my son on a whole new level. Thanks for that!

Monkey Mae said...

Sweet Monkey Mae is 9 weeks old. Now I fear for my life (and hers) when she reaches her teen years.

Scope said...

So you're saying that suddenly going from being a bachelor to having a 13 year old stepdaughter may not be the easiest transition in the world?

Now you tell me.

only a movie said...

Teenagers. They make you nostalgic for those sleepless colicky baby tending nights.

xo

Madison said...

If you haven't been called this verbally by your daughters yet, believe me, it's written somewhere. Read their journals.

3 Men and a Lady said...

I am so very glad I have boys.

Cora said...

Ever seen the Animaniacs episodes of Katie Kaboom? If not, go catch them on youtube ASAP - there's SO much truth in them, you'll die laughing.

My daughter just turned 13. She still hugs me everyday and tells me she loves me and still wants to cuddle up to me on the couch. I know these days are numbered. *sniffle* That's why this year I'm asking Santa for a helmet. I figure it might come in handy soon.

Madge said...

i have two boys and i have to say, even when they were like one years old and we would play with little baby or toddler girls the attitude in the girls was all over the place. the boys just dismantled the house.

not sure i would have survived girls. ok, i would have, but would have been hanging at the liquor store with you.

wait, i'm doing that anyways. i COULD have handled girls.

Anne said...

Oh dear... mom of three girls and in 5 years they will be 13, 14 & 17 all at the same time. Is that when you suggest we move out and pay some nice prison guard to come in ~ as much for their protection as for our sanity?

Moonlight Hollow Musings said...

Yep, you are paying for those fun nights in the sack! :)

Malisa

Brian Miller said...

you make me so look forward to the teen years with my boys...lol.

Lynn from For Love or Funny said...

Oh, no, no, no. My sweet little 13 year old won't do that! (Just thought I'd write it down so you can show it to me in a couple of years when I'm complaining about my teen.)

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

LOL...I laugh with you, not at you sweets...

My little sweet ray of sunshine is only 10...I have seen a glimps of my not to distant future...I only hope I can hang on...cause she is only perfecting that look of death...and I have to remain strong.

xoxo
2 martinis might help!

Irish Gumbo said...

Oh, no, now I'm skeered...my daughter is 5, how much time do I have to build a panic room?

ms-teacher said...

I am right there with ya! I've always loved my daughter, however, I've only recently started liking her again.

I wrote about it here: http://middle-school-teacher.blogspot.com/2009/11/letting-your-child-grow-and-making.html

I have some friends that have young girls and I'm telling them to enjoy them now.

CatLadyLarew said...

So true, so true! If you can keep from killing your kids during those awkward teen years, they grow up to become quite delightful people!

LazyMom said...

OMG...my daughter is 12 and I am already seeing glimmers of all out drama queen behavior.
Ahhh!

Masala Chica said...

Is it a bad sign if your daughter is already Bitchy&Sassy rolled in one at 2 1/2? If I reprimand her, the child smirks at me.

She actually smirks at me.

Not a good sign. I know who I will turn to when she becomes a teenager.

tattytiara said...

I don't have children yet, but I'm already pretty sure I won't like them. Love them, absolutely, but like them?

I remember my teenage years. I'm familiar with the concepts of genetics and karma.

I'm realistic.

Suzy said...

I remember my mom slapping me and screaming I wish you'd never been born! She claims she never said that but does remember slapping me. I was a HORRIBLE teenager. And as an adult, no real change there.

Oh My Goddess said...

Mothers and daughters are very complicated relationships. Don't be too hard on yourself.

It's the hormones, right?

Lynn said...

You speak the truth, oh wise one

jessica said...

i once started a blog about hating my daughter (she was 13-she's now 15) but i was too afraid someone would find out who i was and then everyone would know i hated my own kid so i deleted it. so great to hear someone else say this out loud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm tired of hearing how perfect everyone's kids are or the flip side- what a bad/kooky/clueless mom everyone is (that would be every other blog out there) it's nice to hear that sometimes our kids just fucking suck!

Zip n Tizzy said...

And that's why I had boys!
(I planned it that way... REALLY ;)

Mariah said...

My daughter turned into a bitch the day she turned 11 and she still is at 18

Joanie said...

Oh, those "I hate you" moments have a way of ripping your heart out. And then the progression to "can't I just sell this one" comes into play. It's so much fun!

Thank God they grow up. That's all I'm sayin'.

gretchen said...

All I can say is thank God I've got a son. Because I'm thinking all teenagers are bad, but nothing is like a teenage girl. Because I WAS ONE. I clearly remember knowing with all my heart that my mother was the stupidest human being on the planet, who couldn't possibly understand anything about me or my world. And now that she's gone, I desperately wish I could just apologize for my horrid behavior. But then, she was probably like that to her mother too...

Desert Songbird said...

Oh, great. My daughter turns 14 in three months, and I feel like I'm waiting for the guillotine to fall.

Twenty Four At Heart said...

Laughed out loud at this one ... but only because I can relate so, so much!

This is the only thing you didn't mention and it's related to family life. Life expectancy used to be early 20's ... marrying someone "till death do us part" was never intended to be for more than 10 years. What? Now they expect us to stay married for 60 years? To the same person? Who snores and drools in his sleep?
Sheeeeeeesh! : )

KaLynn said...

Ok. When does it stop? My oldest daughter is now 26 and I am in the second (or is it third) go round! Talk about a bitch! It has been this way since she was 15! some years better than others but not always........good luck ladies.. you have my heartfelt sympathy! Even empathy!

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Wow, marrying them off at 15....
Maybe they were the "good ole days," huh?

Jan said...

Been there. Done that. Three times.

The 17-year-old? Yeah. Not happy right now, and neither are we. Which is why she's back at her mother's. :D

Jan said...

Been there. Done that. Three times.

The 17-year-old? Yeah. Not happy right now, and neither are we. Which is why she's back at her mother's. :D

Kris said...

Myy sister and I put my mom through hell when we where teenagers. Now I adore my mother and she's the greatest women on earth.

I have a 4 yr old little angel. I told my husband when our daughter is 13 I'm leaving...I'll come back when she's 18!

Amo said...

"It’s because their daughters were bitches and they couldn’t stand them anymore. It’s true."

That made me snort coffee.

And I love you for it. ;)

La Mere Joie said...

Can Bitchy and Sassy be one 9 year old? I have to keep saying to myself, I really, really wanted her! How could this happen? And what's it going to be like in three years. I better start drinking.

A New Mom said...

Isn't there an old wives tale that says if you were bad to your parents then your kids will be worse? Or something like that.

Now, I know I was horrible to my mom and that is the exact reason why I told her if I ever have a daughter - that girl is coming to live with my mom once she turns 13. Sad thing is...my mom thinks I'm kidding.