Those Pioneers Were Brilliant....
I’ve discovered the reason that the pioneers and people from the “old days” wed their daughters to strangers when they were 15.
It’s because their daughters were bitches and they couldn’t stand them anymore. It’s true.
Now, I don’t want anyone out there with young girls to shake their heads and say, “Oh, my little Apple would NEVER be like that. She will never tell me to go to hell, or flip me the finger, or say ‘f*#$ you’ to me.”
Guess again. Yeah, I said those words. I judged people. I shook my head. And now, am I eating crow, man, or what?
When Bitchy was about 14 (I’m just ballparking here) she began to earn her nickname. At first I kept my mouth shut; I screamed; I’m sure I took a swipe or two; and I distinctly remember dragging her down the hall by her hair and shoving soap in her mouth after she called me a b*&$#. Then, I ran screaming to the liquor store and that’s where I’ve been ever since. (They know my name.)
There were many, many nights I would lay awake in bed and ask God “How can it be that I do not like my daughter?” I’m here to tell ya, I really, really, really, really didn’t like her AT ALL. I thought that I must be the most horrible person, let alone MOTHER, in the world! (And yeah, now I know why many animals eat their young.)
The good news is, I really did try to maintain some self-control, and I have to say - in all honesty, I really do love her again. It’s true!! Oh, we still have our moments, she is 20, after all, but I can honestly look at her and feel the deep, unwavering love. Whew.
However, back to the killing of the young thing; Sassy is 17 and I feel like I’m in a bad movie that is repeating itself. Did someone hit the rewind button when I wasn’t looking? Didn’t I tell my bff that this would NEVER happen to Sassy? Didn’t I? Yeah, and now I am shaking my head and laughing at myself.
At this point in my ranting, I’d like to give a little advice to Sue. Take two martinis and we’ll chat in three years.
By then, you’ll see a glimpse of that lovely young lady we all once knew and loved.