6/17/10

If Band-Aid could make one for the heart, then we'd all be good.


Dear Bitchy,


I used to be able to fix things.


Remember?

I was always fixing the Barbie pots and pans; the Barbie house; your motorized Barbie Jeep; your electronic diary that would never open; Polly Pockets and some of the other bazillion girl toys that have been shuffled back and forth between cousins. (The boy toys? Broken. Every. Single. One.) I fixed them all.

I have also always prided myself on being great in a crisis. Remember when the risers collapsed during my first kindergarten performance eight years ago? I was the first one there lifting them off people while everyone else was screaming. Thankfully, no one was hurt, but I’m still reminded about that now and then in the teacher’s lounge.


And when Sassy jumped off her bunk bed and ripped her knee WIDE open? I’m the one that held it together while driving her to the ER. Tightwad's face was white and he opted to stay home with Golden Boy. I wasn’t even fazed when my own finger was smashed to bits during an impulsive “moving of the furniture” in our brand new school. I calmly held my finger together and convinced the hysterical teacher next door that I would be fine if she could just perhaps drive me to the ER.

And when you fell headfirst off your bike at the bottom of the bike path in our back yard? I ran to you barefooted (Yes, my knees were still working then) and carried you over my shoulder to the car and drove you to the ER in record time. RECORD time.


But this time is different.


This time, this pain and this hurt is something I can’t fix.


I had a feeling in my heart something wasn’t right. College had been out for you and your high school love and I hadn’t seen hide nor hair of him for several weeks. It was unusual. And now I know why.

Watching you as your heart breaks, is a horrible and helpless feeling. I know in my heart that there are no words I can offer that will ease this pain. And so, I haven’t tried.

I watch you closely, though, I talk when I can and offer little things that I think might help a bit. (Frankly, I’ve always found a pedicure is a great pain reducer.) I am thankful that your friends have risen to the occasion, and offer lovely distractions to try to help you through this time.


And so, I have no advice, no brilliant answers and no blame to place, but only this thought.


Often in life, horrible heartache will walk hand in hand with dizzying elation. I hope that in the days and weeks to come, your guardian angel swoops down, and lifts your face to the sun.



I’ll be praying for that.



(In the meantime, I made another nail appointment. Surely that will help. RIGHT?)

46 comments:

Sandee said...

Yep, moms can't fix this one. I so remember losing my first love. It's tough indeed. Now I'm with the love of my life. Funny how that works.

Have a terrific day and my best to Bitchy. :)

The Boob Nazi said...

Getting your nails done ALWAYS HELPS.

Elizabeth @ My Life, Such as it is... said...

a mani/pedi always seems to lift my spirits, even if temporarily. Broken hearts at any age are hard to live through.

Lucia said...

It hurts more then broken bones...but Bitchy will live, I know exactly how it feels after being dumped after 4 years in a relationship...you will find love again BITCHY you will and your friends are the best medicine and your mom taking you out for pedicures hey I'd never say no to that...try to get a facial and some other perks thrown in to that!

Rick Daley said...

So did the little bastard text her that he was breaking up, or something even more cowardly?

Bob Snitchler said...

I know I've still got those days in front of me & I'm less equipped to handle them than you. Currently dealing with daughter losing her BFF!

Crazy Charm said...

The high school love is the hardest to get over...

Jeff D'Antonio said...

I hate knowing how to fix everything except the stuff that really matters. Broken hearts are the worst.

I've never tried getting my nails done, but I doubt it would help very much...

middleagedcrazywoman said...

Oh, that has to be hard to live thru as a Mom. I thought teaching Mayhem that little boys (9) don't often notice little girls as she had a huge crush and wanted to tell him. Man... I can't imagine full on heartbreak.

Good luck to her and you both. He really doesn't deserve her anyway.

#1Nana said...

Oh, don't you just want to hold her in your arms and rock her? When they were little it seemed like the work would never end, and then they grow up and it's even harder to be a good parent.

SkylersDad said...

Yep, there are no words to help a broken heart. I have not had to deal with a relationship issue like that, because Skyler has never had a girlfriend. But his best friend from grade school turned his back on him when it came time for Jr High because it wasn't cool to hang with him any more. That hurt me more than anything ever done to me.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Forget the mani and pedi, go for the ice cream. That is always good for a broken heart.

I'm still trying to lift my baby girl up after she broke up with her boyfriend in January. She still cries and has sad days. Every holiday or celebration makes her miss him. It's hard being a mom because we so want to take away their pain while wanting to de-hair the guy that broke their heart.

Pain will subside...although the memories won't ever go away. Sassy, you will one day look back and see just how you were so much better than what he deserved anyway. (For now, it won't feel that way but trust me, one day you will.) Hang in there!

Mrs. E said...

As a parent--this is the hardest part ever. Standing by helplessly. "Yesterday she smiled and walked in clover. Teach that tomorrow is for starting over."

Gayle said...

Beautifully written. Girls and heartache..that's a tough one. My older ones are boys and they don't let on any of that stuff. Not looking forward to the day my little girls hurts like that.

Snappy Di said...

You never forget the guy who left you behind.

DI

Brian Miller said...

maybe just a little...young love hurts...

Suzy said...

That first love pain is the WORST. We've all been through it and we've all lived although some of us have passed by the adult beverage cart a few more times than necessary.

You're getting pedicures out of this? Oh quit your bitching...uh...Bitchy. MY PARENTS FORCED ME TO GET A JOB AND THEY WERE LUCKY THERE WERE NO WEAPONS IN OUR HOUSE.

Big hugs and remember, boys are dumb.

Linda said...

Posts like this are one reason I wish I had at least one girl in my house. I know, I KNOW that girls + mom = struggles a lot, but so do boys + moms. The difference is that maybe yours will talk to you. Mine talks so rarely that when he does, I stop & listen. But, he doesn't seem to want to share personal "stuff" with me. I try to respect that desire for space, but I can't help wondering why he just doesn't BURST with it. Is it just that guys are made differently? Any advice from you &/or your readers about dealing with just graduated high school (!) and adolescent males would be appreciated!!

Good luck with your girls. Hug them for me. Maybe I'll learn something I can share with you when GB gets bigger...

a Broad said...

Oh God you are a good mother !
Bitchy will be fine .. we all lived through it .. but sometimes without such a good mom, standing there with support if needed.
muchas besos

Joanie M said...

I hope Bitchy's heart mends soon.

I'm bracing for a similar event here at some point this summer. Who knows, though? I could be wrong.

Steven Anthony said...

nothing helps more than a moms love, your handling it perfectly :)

J.J. said...

I was devastated when my first "love" dumped me (over the phone...coward). But now I'm with someone who appreciates me, and shows it.

As they say "One door closes and another (better) one opens."

Just wait, it'll happen (when you least expect it).

Cheryl said...

Oh sweetie, both you and your daughter are breaking my heart. Wishing you both the strength to get through this together.

The Stiletto Mom said...

Aw, Bitchy....life just sucks sometimes. Your mom is right though, a pedicure is a good pain killer. PS: Also, boys are stupid. Always remember that.

Joanna Jenkins said...

That first love and first heartbreak is tough :-( But a mani/pedi and as Choc Covered Daydreams said, ice cream, works wonders.

Hang in there-- both of you.

xo jj

Everyday Goddess said...

me too!

Anne said...

So when a boy breaks your daughter's heart... is there an urge to kill said boy? I can't imagine... it is hard to not go after kids on the playground that aren't nice-enough in my opinion to my girls... Hey, if you didn't give birth to them you have NO RIGHT to not treat them with perfect respect and love at all times... I have to birth right to want to strangle them occasionally.

So, yeah, how do you NOT go after the heart breaker?

Tina said...

Broken hearts take so long to heal. But I totally agree with you about the pedicure. I prefer mine with chardonnay in my coffee cup, but maybe that's just me. Nice to meet you, Vodkamom. Thinking we have a lot in common after reading just three of your posts.

StacieM said...

Poor girl! If it helps at all, you can tell her that I thank my lucky stars every day that my first boyfriend and I broke up 20 years ago. I soon found my future husband and our relationship from the beginning was 1000x better.

I shutter to think what would have been if the first guy and I stayed together but I remember being absoultely heartbroken. I was sick, couldn't eat, actually I did....a LOT and thought there would never be a day I would think about him or "us". Once that passed the feeling was absolute elation.

Feeling Beachie said...

Although moms can't fix this, they can so make it better, although daughters won't admit to it until years later. When I was younger I was involved in a rocky relationship. I spent so many hours crying my eyes out. My mom was always there for me, and spent so many sleepless nights just listening / being there for me. It meant so much to me, and I will never forget it. Sometimes I think she felt like she was talking to a brick wall. But now, years later, she is so proud every time I tell her how I quoted her words from that time to someone who is going through the same thing.

Jules said...

This is a beautiful post. Nothing more need be said..

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Gosh, you said it so well. Lovely post, my dear. Your words would work just as well as that mani/pedi.

just making my way said...

Those heartbreaks do seem so monumental. Hope it's not a long storm, I'm sure the nail appointments will help.

He Who Laughs Last said...

Oh how I dread the days when a kiss to a boo boo is not enough to take the pain away!

(((HUGS)))

J.R. Reed said...

It's been way too long since I stopped by for a visit. I promise to make the time to comment more. Good stuff, baby. Good stuff!!!!!

Ladybird World Mother said...

In the same boat, VM... my boy is heartbroken too... am in tears reading this and will copy and paste your last sentence because that just might help him. Kisses to you and your girl. Doesn't hurting just HURT. Lovely lovely words. Thank you!! xxxx

Diane J. said...

Who knew it could be so hard to not fix something? When teen boy broke up with his first girlfriend, my heart went out to him. He was crushed. He cried. Not just a tear or two, but sobs with streams of tears. Damn, that hurt. All I could do was hug him. All those lame comments of "There's plenty of fish in the sea," or "you're so young," just don't cut it. But the hug...that helped.

Wendy said...

About a year and a half ago, my oldest (now 20) daughter's boyfriend broke up with her. She curled up in my arms and cried real tears for what seemed like hours. I was heartbroken!

But now, for a little over a year, she's been dating a boy who loves her, has TWO jobs, and is extremely handsome to boot!
Tell her better times WILL come.
The pain must run its course first.
Then everything will be all right.
=-)

flutter said...

this mom gig is hard, isn't it?

Perfectly Imperfect Life said...

Oh, I remember the electronic journals! My daughter could never get into hers. I suppose the good thing about having a bit of a sociopathic girl child is that she rarely feels hurt... mainly just indignation!

Mimi Lenox said...

It's a helpless feeling watching our kids go through grownup heartaches when we can do nothing to ease their pain. I hope she got that pedi/mani and had a good ole' talk with her mom and girlfriends. This too shall pass. But it's not easy.

P.S. I remember Polly Pockets!

An Open Heart said...

I've been away for awhile and was catching up....this is such a beautiful post.....making me cry....I hear all of your pain for her in every word.

S

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