For the last three months I have been searching for something.
I wander the house, rearranging and moving things here and there with no real purpose. It’s disconcerting, this journey I am on; the act of releasing these birds from their captivity.
They fly hard and fast in different directions these young birds of mine, and yet they maintain a closer bond to each other then I ever witnessed when they roosted in this house.
They leave behind their brother, and although his wings are small he is already testing their strength.
And you know what I found as I searched through this almost empty nest?
In Sassy’s closet I found a stack of 26 sweatshirts and many other various items, purchased during her years of soccer and field hockey. Stacks upon stacks of things that still bear the smell of youth, cheering crowds and Friday night football games.
In Bitchy’s closet I discovered the remnants of an outrageous shoe collection; a sweater collection and many prom and homecoming dresses that we HAD to drive FAR, FAR away to purchase. They hang in her closet, harboring memories and secrets that she holds close to her heart.
As I search through the rooms and the halls of this quiet, confused home, do you know what else I discover?
Bits and pieces of… myself.
I vaguely remember that woman, the person I was before joy, love, heartache and painful parenthood interrupted me.
And I am slowly but surely putting myself back together.
I’ve decided, however, to put some of the pieces back in an entirely new order.
Oh yeah, it hurts a bit, but so does everything else in this wonderful, unpredictable, crazy adventure we call life.