I don’t know how one goes about re-inventing oneself. If I did, this process would certainly be easier than it has been. I’m sure there’s a book somewhere, but I can’t read about someone else’s journey, when I’m sure I’m on a particular path of my own. My steps and missteps are my own, and I have to be authentic in order to find where I’m destined to go.
I DO know that the first two years after a traumatic and painful divorce are certainly full of a plethora of emotions, events, trauma, drama, pain, love, healing, joy and wonder. And then some.
I think it’s very close to traumatic stress syndrome, minus the horrific experience of war.
I’ve spent so many days and nights healing this heart and soul and working so very hard to help those around me heal. It hasn’t been easy, and I’m sure I’ve made many a bad decision along the way. (I have a particular talent that way.)
But that’s who I am, and who I will always be. I learn from doing, and if that means I learn by doing some things in the completely opposite way than they should be done, then so be it. I accept that particular birth defect, and revel in its teachings. Oh sure, it might HURT a little now and then, but without pain I can’t possibly appreciate all the joy.
I’ve realized lately that I lost that girl that I loved so much when I was younger; that girl who took chances; who went on adventures; who was brave, courageous, loving and joyful. The girl my parents were so very proud of, even when they shook their heads in frustration. I can feel that girl's presence now as I think about what I want my future to be.
I hear her voice as I step out of my comfort zone, and I am pleased. I have realized that in order to shape the life I have only dreamed of, I need to make it happen. I can’t wait for things to land in my lap- I need to shake the damn tree, see what falls and grab it for all it’s worth.
And that’s what I’m trying to do.
I was invited to the wedding of a dear intern I had several years ago. It was in Leesburg, Virginia, and I accepted the offer. A dear friend of mine from junior high lives in Reston, Virginia, and I reached out to her before I left. She replied with her typical enthusiasm, and mentioned that perhaps I might want to attend a little barn opening party at a senator’s house after the wedding. If I was so inclined.
Oh yes; oh YES I was so inclined!
And when I stepped out of my comfort zone; when I reached out to friends that I knew would welcome me with open arms, I was treated to a weekend that I will not soon forget.
Those details will come tomorrow, for I have a deadline that has passed, a column a few hours overdue, and one that will be an emotional one. I may rock someone’s world this Sunday, and it won’t be mine.
(But the senator’s barn bash? Absolutely Incredible…)