12/13/12

I don't think there's a band-aid for this one.



We’re like strangers.


I see him on rare occasion when my stalking, nagging and pleading result in a reluctant visit that is fleeting at best, and painful for him at the least.  There are always a million reasons why his father won’t comply with our agreement, but that’s another story.  For now, the boy has chosen to spend as much time with his father as he can. 

My brain has almost forgotten how horrible the first year had been; but my heart has not.  


His sisters have found a way to (somewhat) come to terms with their new reality.  One has reached out to try to maintain a relationship with both of her parents; the other … has not.  Perhaps, having been around the longest, she has experienced things that she can’t bury inside her heart.  

I do my very best to remind them all that I love them more than life itself, and even though we continue to fight, laugh, love and cry – I’m pretty sure they believe me.


But for now, the Golden Boy and I are strangers.


I remember the giggling boy who ran around the yard in his sister’s bathing suit. The boy who insisted I cuddle with him each night before he went to bed, and re-assured him that his father did, indeed, love him.  I threw him the football, played basketball with him, rode bikes with him, followed him as he peddled the green tractor along the bike path and watched him befriend other kids each time I took him to the beach at my sister’s house in Mystic.   I held his hand as he received stitches, fake skin and spent the night with him in the hospital during the worst of his bouts with croup.


Yet tonight as I drove him back to his father’s in relative silence, I realized the painful reality of the day: we’re strangers.


And this stranger’s heart is still broken.



Still painfully, painfully broken. 




19 comments:

Scope said...

:'(

ChiTown Girl said...

Oh,Vodka....I so wish I could reach through this computer and just hug the shit out of you. I'm so sorry your heart is hurting right now.

[[[hugs]]]

suzyq said...

My girlfriend is going through this EXACT same situation - her personal life is going so well - promotions - great boyfriend - but her spirit is broken - she's not who she should be.
This WILL pass, like everything does - it just takes time - dreadful gut wrenching time............
Hugs,

Sheila said...

I am so sorry. Sending hugs and love to you at this time.
Take care of yourself, my friend.

Marissa said...

VM, I'm so sorry.
Boys that age are tricky to start with, trying to spread their wings a bit (I remember what my brothers were like, and we were all under the same roof)...but one day he will realize that he doesn't have to choose sides.
Just keep the lines of communication open, and he will make the right choice, because you raised him right. And maybe a gentle reminder that Mr Darcy doesn't mean you're moving on from *him*, just the other part of the situation.

Meanwhile, lots of hugs.

ps I am a robot, just a really clever one

Rene Foran said...

Very sad.
I am so sorry.
I hope in time things change for the better.
For now, though, this is brutal.

Hugging you...

The Empress said...

So sorry, Deb. I have a feeling this is just time away that's needed to think for him right now.

Doesn't make it easier for you, I'm sure.

love to you, dear lady.

xo

Anonymous said...

Hugs for you, I am so sorry you have to go through this.:-(

Prayers for you and GB.
Lisa G. in CT

Gigi said...

Oh Vodka; my hear hurts for you. I think in time, things will change, although that's not much comfort now. Sending you a bushel of hugs.

Formerly known as Frau said...

It sucks...plain and simple and I'm sorry the other adult has such a hand in this. Hang in there! ((hugs))

Anonymous said...

So sorry but if it helps much I have a 16 year old and it's hard to connect with him even though he lives with me and his dad. It was so much easier when he was little now it's so hard to get him to talk or spend time with his parents. I hope it won't last forever for either of us.

Japolina said...

I agree with the above posters...
teenage boys are tough cookies. I live with one and he pretty much hates me all of the time but thinks his father is the coolest guy in the whole world (we are married)

Also, I think it will pass. Just keep trying. So sorry. It really sucks.
Hugs to you, especially today. I feel so sad and can imagine that mother/teachers feel even worse. :(

So. Cal. Gal said...

He's still young and probably thinks he needs to stand up for his dad. As he matures, I'm sure he'll let you in again.

HUGS!

SkylersDad said...

There are not enough words to say how much I hurt for you. I only hope that he knows how much you love him, and he will come around as he matures.

Far Side of Fifty said...

He knows you love him..so sad for you. I know it must nearly rip your heart out..:(

Joanna Jenkins said...

Oh Vodka, that's a tough one. The teenage years are the most difficult ever and I know this has been hard on everyone. you're a really good mom and I'm cheering you on.
xoxo jj

twobusy said...

That's just horribly, horribly sad. My heart breaks for you — but my fingers (and toes) are crossed in the hopes that somehow, someday soon, you'll both find your way through this... and to each other.

Joanie said...

You will be the greatest of friends again. I know this. Until that happens, you have lots of hugs here waiting for you.

★ Braja Sorensen said...

it'll pass love....everything does...you know that....