5/28/13

But I've always loved the ocean.....



I’m finding, as of late, that it’s getting a bit hard to see the shore.  It feels as if the tide is pulling me out further and further into the sea, and I’m a bit too weary to fight back. I can almost imagine how it might feel when one realizes that it’s just as easy to slip below the surface than to muster enough energy to try the long swim back to shore.

But then I have days when I shake it off and realize that this is what life is; ebb and flow. We are all adrift in this ocean and we have days when we reach the shore and spend time languishing in the warmth of the sun, surrounded by laughter and peace of mind.  

And then there are the other days.

Those are the days that make me want to stomp my feet. Those days make me want to stay in bed, pull the blanket over my head and sleep for days and days.  They make me want to scrape and eat all of the remnants of each Ben and Jerry’s container in the fridge, scrounge for half empty Middleswarth Barb-b-que Chips bags and eat my troubles away.

Those days I want to be the mean girl who snarls at people; who lashes out without thinking or without care.  Who blames everything on everyone else. Why can’t I be the bitch sometimes?  WHY?


Okay.  I know why.    

Because, number one, it’s simply not right; and number two, I always know that when I get up tomorrow things will look brighter.


Tomorrow I know I will smile at the sun shining through the window, and be so excited to see the tiny plants coming up in the small garden by my back door.  I’ll remember that Max will have an incredible story for me, and that Polly will likely kick my @$$ at school and make me laugh at the same time. 


I’ll remember that my darlings Bitchy and Sassy are asleep in the house, and that I’ll see the Golden Boy when he needs a ride after Spring Football.  I’ll remember that this really IS a great life, and that I’m totally selfish to think otherwise.




But tonight, tonight I’m still thinking about the tide that is pulling me out to sea…and praying that this isn’t the one that takes me home.


14 comments:

Sheila said...

I'm sorry things are so tough now and then for you. Sending blessings your way...and when you do snap or snarl, forgive yourself, apologize and keep moving forward.

Sarah said...

strength, my friend.

Joy@BundlesOfJoy said...

Hang in there. Your perspective is a gift. You know the better day will come, and you'll appreciate it all the more after having a cruddy day.
Thanks for continuing to be an inspiration.

Mocadeaux said...

Hope the sun comes out for you tomorrow. As a teacher you touch the lives of your students. I hope you know how you touch the lives of your followers, too.

Brian Miller said...

hey, chin up trooper...you have a lot of life left in you...life sucks at times...but it doesnt suck all the time...and you are going to be fine...

Marilyn623 said...

Thanks for articulating our feelings...

One crazed mommy said...

As Dori says "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..." Sending you virtual hugs! Hang in there!

Cora said...

I like to think that the universe gives us crappy times simply so we will appreciate the good times. Not that that makes the crappy times feel any less crappy though. *sigh*

Things will get better, I just know it. They WILL because you deserve it.

San said...

EXACTLY how I feel today! So join me in another carton of B&J, add a martini or three and remember only in darkness can we see the stars :)

Gigi said...

Sending you hugs and a (virtual) bottle. Crappy days are the worst - but as you so eloquently pointed out; there's always tomorrow which is bound to be a bit brighter.

ChiTown Girl said...

{{{hugs}}}

I wish I could give them to you in person. :(

If you would FINALLY send me that darn address, I could send you some in the mail...just sayin'...

xoxox

Vodka Mom said...

CHI!!! I've sent you my address four times!! I must have the wrong email! Email me at vodkamom@gmail.com!!!

Scope said...

I just hope a really cute life guard gives you mouth-to-mouth, and then doesn't say something horrible like:

Mrs. Smith! It's me! Jimmy Orwig! You were my kindergartner teacher in 19__!

viridian said...

As Winston Churchill said, if you're going through hell, keep on going.