12/23/13

The New and Improved Let’s be Honest Profile on Plenty of Sardines


     
     
 I’ve decided to bag the seven paragraphs on the Plenty of Sardines dating site trying to outline why I am awesome and an incredible catch.  I've decided to go with this instead:


I’m a 54-year old slightly used woman.  I have three crazy children who milk me out of every penny I have, and frankly find money in places I didn’t even think to look.  They may or may not be rude to you depending on whether they are STILL living here, PMS-ing, worrying about shoes, being selfish or fighting with their boyfriends.  Sure they can be awesome, but they’re also normal like everyone else out there.  

I have gained BACK some of the baby weight I fought so valiantly to lose, have a new hip and horrible knees that barely work.  If I put on enough make-up the wrinkles on my face are barely visible, but the wrinkles on the rest of my body are way too hard to disguise.  Oh, and that little pouch and large scar across my abdomen was a gift after three sections and a botched hysterectomy. (It’s just a little bonus.) 

I have a great job teaching six-year olds, but that means I’m a little cranky and usually have a headache from about 3:00 – 6:00.  My salary could provide a decent living if I wasn’t still supporting TWO households and trying to pay off a very expensive lawyer. (Some day I might even be officially  DIVORCED.)




All in all I am just looking for someone to spend some time with who is a little less &$@%-ed up than me.   




Is that possible? 



21 comments:

Linda M. said...

He WHAT? He needs to get a fxxxxxn job and support his fxxxxxn self! Argh. Can't that expensive lawyer do anything more for you???

Anonymous said...

I agree with Linda M. Tell your Ex to get off his rear and find a job. I can't believe in this day and age that people still have to pay support to their ex-spouses for more than a year.

Japolina said...

Why don't you seriously post this? You might meet a man with a sense of humor. Seriously. Wouldn't you respond to a similar ad. What is the worst that could happen?

Tracey Addington said...

I didn't think many people could make me feel better about MY crazy situation, but you are still not divorced? And supporting him? As a teacher? Oh sweetie. Hugs. Tracey (aka formerly Minivan Mom)

Gigi said...

He is a...oh well you know...it rhymes with sucking plastered. HOW is it possible that this is going on?

Post it. Who knows, the one who responds might be right up your alley.

Anna Whiston-Donaldson said...

Love this. You are a CATCH, girl! Any guy should be honored to date you. xoxoxo

Joanna Jenkins said...

I would totally post this on the dating site-- I think most decent guys would find it honest and refreshing.

I hope your Christmas is a happy one, VM, and I hope 2014 is a bright new chapter for you and yours. I so love visiting your blog and seeing what you're up to. All the laughter you share should come back to you a hundred fold.

Merry Christmas,
xo jj

Sue said...

As always, thanks for making me smile and laugh! You are the best. Have a great Christmas. As we know, the holidays are "always" full of great stories!!

Take care,
Sue

Anonymous said...

I triple dog dare ya to post it.

Marissa

Vodka Mom said...

Did it.


:-)

#1Nana said...

Oh, too late! I always suggest that you sleep on it and then decide if you want to post. But I'm noted for my incredibly bad judgement.

Scope said...

What's the worst that can happen? You've already seen enough pictures of guys posing with their shirts off, in their driveway, in front of their personal water craft.

Maybe this will be the equivalent of "serious offers only".

And if I were still single...

Formerly known as Frau said...

Merry Christmas to you and your family....I hope the new year brings more Vodka....better health....some well deserved happiness and some serious coin your way! ((hugs))

Joanie said...

If I were single, and a man, I'd totally date you!

You know, none of us are perfect and finding The One comes down to finding the one whose weirdness matches with our weirdness. King Arthur can be a right pain in the ass, but I love him and wouldn't trade him for anything (okay, most things) in the world (most of the time).

Your guy is out there.

And WTF is up with your attorney not fighting for you on the spousal support? If the man is intentionally underearning, he should be called on it! (yes, use those exact words...intentionally underearning...intentionally unemployed...intentionally an asshat...whatever it takes)

Now, last thing: Have a fantastic Christmas! And remember, we love you!

ChiTown Girl said...

Oh my freakin' hell! I LOVE this profile. I hope you seriously posted it. It is AWESOME!!

Like some of the others have said, you would definitely find someone with a great sense of humor. You are far to incredible a woman to settle for someone who doesn't get you.

And the ex? Makes me want to bust my foot off in his ass!!!!

Love you, my sweet friend!! Hope you had an awesome and blessed Christmas.

xoxox

Mocadeaux said...

I'm so glad that you posted! Your personality and sense of humor are beautifully evident in your "Let's Be Honest" post. I think the most important thing is to find someone with whom you can be yourself. And someone who knows they are lucky to have you in their life. You ARE a great catch - you just need to jettison the anchor that is weighing you down.

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