There is NO kissing in kindergarten

Do you remember your first kiss?  I don’t mean the one on the playground behind the jungle gym, I mean the FIRST KISS.  Mine was in 7th grade.  I had a crush on my best friend’s brother, who was in 8th grade. This kiss had been planned all week, with representatives from both of our camps. That Friday night we sat together at a Smithtown high school football game.  During halftime the majorettes always had the stadium blacked out as they twirled their lighted batons to the oohs and ahhs of the hometown crowd.  It was a long-standing tradition, and one that adolescent boys and girls looked forward to every week!  Well, the moment came, and the lights went out and then it happened, my first kiss.  It wasn’t quite what I had expected.  There were no fireworks, the earth didn’t shake, and those braces we were wearing really DID prove to be inconvenient.


This memory came to mind yesterday in kindergarten when I overheard one of my little girls, Janie, explaining to one of our little boys exactly how kissing worked.   “Well, first you put your lips together, and then you put your tongues…” 


“WAIT!!!” I shouted, before she could get any further.  “In kindergarten we do NOT talk about kissing.  Class, I think it’s time we go over AGAIN all of the things we can and cannot do now that we are in “big kid” school. “  I stood at the board and began to list all of the suggestions the children had for what never do in school! 


We don’t give free massages during read-aloud.

We don’t tickle other people.

We don’t put our hands in our pants or anyone else’s pants.

We don’t walk on the tables.

We do not poop in our pants, cause that’s digustin’.

We do not use potty words because they’re not propriate (We don’t even say pooh-pooh and we only say “p” when we are talking about the letter.)

We do not walk backwards.

We don’t get married in kindergarten.

We do not punch each other in the head because your eyeball might pop out and bleed and that would be digusting.

We do not pick our noses in school, only at home.


As I tried to squeeze all of these fabulous ideas onto the board, my little friend Janie piped up from behind me.


“Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Smith!!  WHY are you writing on the board, when you KNOW we can’t read?"

She certainly had a point.  I wondered quickly if I should tell her that watching me write left to right would show her how sentences flow; that each time I write a word I sound it out for her; that each time I put a space between a word and use proper punctuation that she is learning.  I knew there would be plenty of time for this information.  So, I just replied, “Cause it’s fun, Janie.  It’s just plain fun.”


Can we help our new little friends learn the rules? Can we teach them to be good friends, follow the rules, and that they should NOT be kissing in kindergarten?  Well, like the little engine we’ve all read about, I don’t just think we can.  I know we can.






only a movie said...

Hang in there, only a few more days (That's what I keep saying). Also "We do not walk backwards." may have made my day! Also, writing on the board is the number 2 reason for why we go into teaching (behind Summer, which is the number 1 reason).

Happy almost summer, VM

WeaselMomma said...

Little Janie is one sharp kid. I almost sprayed my coffee.

Mercy Langille said...

Who says children are not intelligent?

Formerly known as Frau said...

everything in life thats important you learn in Kindergarten! lol! Thanks I need a good laugh today!

Unknown said...

Congrats on POTD, well deserved!
Happy Summer!

Irish Gumbo said...

Is that kind of like there's no crying in baseball? But you're right, writing is just plain fun!

I was so glad when I made it to big kid school, so I could walk backwards...

(VM, speaking of first kisses: see http://hotdads.blogspot.com/2009/06/pauli-girl-was-nice-but.html)

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I had to verbally list all the things that aren't appropriate for kids to do/say at school this year for my son. Apparently he was "taught" a lot of new info by his classmates and I had a lot of "unteaching" to do as a result.

PhilB said...

No fun in kindergarten!!

Now 2nd grade is when I got my first taste of playground love. What a kiss that was. And what made it even more special was the circle of kids around us that wanted to watch. PERVERTS!!!



Unknown said...

Funny how speech dialects are different all over the country....her in J-town we say "ascussting" when something is gross LOL

andddd in response to your many questions on Sat.....a question of my own...why does your blog not update regularly on my bloglist? hmmmm.

I prefer answers in email as I seldom go back to check blogs to see if the writer responded to me...too hard to rememebery.

mommakin said...

Kissing in kindergarten leads to galoshes on the lawn in high school...

Unknown said...

See.. YOU are the teacher they need all throughout school. These are things that should be taught every damn day!

They would have a great time while learning the important things. You'd have great blog stuff forever!

Unknown said...

Tammy sounds like a fortune cookie! LOL

The Peach Tart said...

Don't forget....while its fun to write on blackboards, it's not OK to scratch on blackboards

Scope said...

If they are kissing in kindergarten, what will their parents find after their 8th grade graduation party?

Unknown said...

OMG, I almost spit out my coffee with your list of what you don't do in k-school!

Boozy Tooth said...

Wait a minute. No putting our hands down our pants?


Unknown said...

Glad you let them pick their noses at home, haha!

Girl Tornado said...

I honestly do not remember my first kiss or how old I was. Really. My memory sucks. I'm obviously a really good candidate for Alzheimer's. I mean, you'd think a girl would remember the first time she was kissed, no matter how long ago it was!

On a related note, I don't remember the last time I picked my nose or put my hand down my pants either...

Jeanne Estridge said...

First kiss: I was 15, and the boy who was visiting the neighbors for the summer took me to a neighborhood movie. When we got back home, before I even realized what was going on, he kissed me.

I was so mad. I was saving that first kiss for the boy who lived across the alley, with whom I was desperately in love.

Anonymous said...

That's adorable.

Bobby G said...

My 1st kiss was on my 13th Bday, Shannon Nelson, ahhh the memories (Cue the Grease music) "Wonder what, shes doin now...."

Stephanie said...

First kiss already? Times are a changin. I got my first peck on the lips in grade 8. I'd never survive today!

Sprite's Keeper said...

My first kiss was in seventh grade, I think. Dark bathroom at a school dance. Just kids having fun. I got pecked by a kid with braces and can't remember who I thought it was anymore..
Great post! And perfect for the Spin Cycle this week since our topic is memories. Let me know if you want to link!

Deb said...

-->Jane is quite the whippersnapper. I'm sure you'll miss her.


Coffee with Cathy said...

Thanks for the chuckle, Deborah -- and the semi-deep thought. Just right to go along with my second cup of coffee this morning -- not too taxing but enough to get my brain working!

Beth said...

It IS fun to write on the board.

And I thought that backwards walking thing was an issue just at my school. So it isn't a problem with the water.

Sandee said...

Somehow pooping in your pants and kissing just don't seem to go together. Bwahahahahahaha. What a life you have with those kids.

Have a terrific day. :)

Desert Songbird said...

No playground marriages? Sheesh, your school is no fun! *grin*

Ivanhoe said...

OMG! They are just five! I did not know about tongue kissing until I was like 14... :o)

Marie Reed said...

Ahhhh... My first kiss was with a Heath Morris .. but when I was 15! jeeeez!

The Mother said...

I think I was married in kindergarten. But it was so long ago, I don't remember now.

Lee Ryan said...

They forgot Text Messaging (includes "sexting"), Twittering, and Facebooking.

DKC said...

I still love this one! The end is in sight, you can make it!

Jake had his "Graduation Celebration" yesterday. *sob*

me in the pink said...

So farting is okay?!!!??

Kim said...

I was a kindergarten kisser. The teacher, who was a friend of my parents, sent a note home, pinned to my dress, of course, explaining my habit. I have that note to this day!

Suzie said...

I love the list my class has the one do not squeeze the hampsters till its eye pop out. Thats a good one too

Keyona said...

My little one was smootched already on the school bus in Kindergarten...damn freaky boys!

Bobbi said...

You shouldn't have stopped her! I curious to know where exactly she thought the tongues went!

*Akilah Sakai* said...

My son leaned in near a girl (for what I'd call close-talking but ...) during Pre-K and I got a letter home about it.

My 1st kiss was egged on by an older kid but it was with a boy I actuall had a crush on and we did become boyfriend & girlfriend (secretly of course 'cos we were too youn for that mess). This would have been 4th or 5th grade and it lasted to the point my dad found out about the smooch from a friend of mines. That was the end of it. Ha!

Mwa said...

Glad you frown on kissing in kindergarten. I recently blogged about that because my son had the same problem. I'm hoping his school manage to discourage it too.

Michel said...

well crap! Now we have to teach kids to read BEFORE we can teach them proper school etiquette??

Demanding like farts, aren't they?!

I like our rules - I should post them up at the embassy. We should probably have a refresher course.

Mrs. C. said...

Jones got a red "safety card" in kindergarten for kissing, because kissing can spread germs. They also get red cards for picking their noses. I myself would never have put a kiss on the same level of disgusting germiness as nose-mining, but live and learn...

Kimberly said...

That is halarious!!! LOL!

Stop by my place for a chance to win a Hand Painted Portrait!

Coco said...

OMG... That is so funny. You know they CAN'T read. Kids are so precious.

Amy said...

I'm with Oz Girl, I can't remember anything about my sexual exploits as a teenager except that I had.

Max and his friend were looking at a Star Wars book yesterday and picking out the "hot" girls and seeing if they had "lumps." Alien chicks with lumps. Lordy.

Julia@SometimesLucid said...

Can you please come to my kids school?? My little one will be in Kinder next year and I am so discenchanted with the teachers at our elementary school.

That being said, my favorite "don't" on that list has to be:

"We don’t put our hands in our pants or anyone else’s pants"

This IS The Fun Part! said...

Please tell me you're saving all of these gems! Very soon you'll have enough for the New York Times Best Sellers List book!!

Will you remember us when you're rich and famous??


Suzy said...

I'm pretty sure I would not make a good kindergarten teacher because all those things sound like fun.

Anonymous said...

My first kiss was from a girl named Mary Gangnon. I was in first grade and she was so obsessed over me that she used to strip down to her birthday suit and run around my yard naked, try to get my attention.

Needless to say I just laughed and laughed at her, but she kept doing it, until my mother called her mother.

I don't know where she is today, but I imagine she's not a rocket scientist.

Lola said...

'We do not get married in Kindergarten.'

You should also add:

We do not get married in grade school, middle school or high school.

You know kids, they're always looking for the loophole.

Jen said...

Not walking backwards - my son's going to have a problem with that one next fall :)

a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

no free massages! WTF????? why???

Char said...

That is so funny! You know they can't read. I bet a few of them can though. I had a step daughter who could read at two!

laughingwolf said...

kiss BOYS?

eww yuck! boys gots cooties, so i only kiss girls... uh, i mean, women :O lol

Ann Imig said...

and for god sakes wash those hands


every time...

Sara said...

"We don’t put our hands in our pants or anyone else's pants."

That is a good rule for kindergarteners AND grown-ups.

Jenni said...

No kissing, no hugging, no tacking, no tickling, no hair styling, no pinching, no hitting.

Nose picking I cannot seem to but an end to, as hard as I try.

Craig Glenn said...

I have really enjoyed reading your post today... I even added you to my google reader and that is when it hit me! I read your comments on Braja's blog all the time! I am so glad I found my way to your blog. I just with my aching ribs didn't hurt so much while I am reading it!

Craig Glenn

Unknown said...

I love this. And don't worry the school year is almost over. You are in the homestretch now!

Fancy Schmancy said...

I'm thinking these rules should also be posted on ALL freshman blackboards at the start of high school!

blognut said...

What's so bad about walking backwards?

KMcJoseph said...

I got in trouble in 3rd grade because Jessica Lera and I were touching each others tongues with our respective fingers.

I loved her.

anymommy said...

Writing on the board is fun. All I thought about my first kiss was, wow, kind of soft. But, my second (different boy) was magic and I thought, Oh! Now I get it!

Kathy B! said...

Thank you, VM, for fighting the good fight. As a parent I sure do appreciate it...

Expat mum said...

My little guy last year (with his classmates) came up with the class rules. The usual - but with drawings because they couldn't read. I want to see the drawing that accompanies this particular "no kissing" rule. Eeww!

Sharon Rose said...

Little Janie sure is sharp! Be thankful you don't have to teach her in high school. . . imagine what she'll come up with then?

Unknown said...

My 5yr old son has only walked backwards for the last three days... it's really annoying at WalMart!

For Myself said...

Ben Clough. Behind the tall bushes that lined the main lodge at camp. After "Stairway to Heaven" at the middler dance, as everyone was walking back to their cabins.

He was a cutie.

Nicole said...

When I was in 2nd grade, a boy put his tongue in my ear and I thought it made me pregnant...

And another boy was showing me a scrape on his knee, and I saw it was bleeding and it made me think I got AIDS from him.

And I thought people with AIDS died from getting cuts. I got a cut on the playground after the prior fiasco and thought I was going to die. My dad didn't know why I was freaking out so bad lol.

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