7/9/09

BItchy + Sassy = A Dangerous Mix



Dear Bitchy and Sassy,

Well, you two SURE had me fooled. All those late night visits to Starbucks, all that laughing, sharing clothes, and going here and there had me COMPLETELY fooled.

But last night when you had that KNOCK DOWN DRAG-OUT fight in the living room???? Yeah, THAT was an eye-opener.

When The Golden Boy came running out to the deck CRYING to tell me that you were KILLING each other it almost gave me a heart attack. (I felt like Sanford clutching my heart- I’m coming mom!! I’m COMING!!!)

Sassy, strangling your sister in the living room with our two LARGE dogs barking, your brother screaming and your DAD flying up the stairs to beat the *$@# out of someone does nothing for your argument that you are a mature young lady who deserves her own car. (Oh, and good luck with THAT. As soon as your father gets a job, the first thing we’re buying is FOOD.)

And Bitchy, thank GOD my personal mission of getting you housing has FINALLY paid off. My only wish is that they would let you move in TOMORROW.

Now, you two get in the living room and clean up the blood, straighten all the furniture, pick up the broken glass and then sit in a room TOGETHER with no phones and no computer until I recover. Pack some food- it might be awhile.


(Is it only July 8? It’s gonna be a long *@$& summer. I mean hot. It's gonna be a long hot summer.)




90 comments:

Maggie May said...

Oh crap.

Scope said...

Is it my imagination, or in that picture, is the brunette giving the blond some sort of mammogram?

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

dude - I can't believe I'm third. now I'll go read your post.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

My sister and I used to fight, but I think the physical fights stopped before we were out of high school...

Get those girls summer jobs ASAP. Two jobs each, so they are never home.

namaste said...

wow. i thought i was the only one with fighting fish for daughters. AWESOME! and may i add you took that fight very well, with way more grace than i ever mustered.

;)

ella said...

Scope: I too am intrigued with the apparent boob pinching going on in the photo...

D: I can vividly remember having a fight with my sis, taking her shoulders in my hands and rearing up to smash her skull into the corner of the cabinet (we were on the floor). My dad clamped a hand on my shoulder and saved her from certain death. We were in our 20s. Its ugly but it happens. Hopefully this will be the last of it. xoxoxo Ella

flutter said...

tranq dart. it's the only answer.

Alix said...

Aaaah.... sweet memories. Reminds me of back in the day when my twin brother and I would have meaningful interactions. What surprises me, is we both still have our natural teeth and most of our hair.

Go figure.

PS: Wonder why the first words I saw in this post were "I'm COMING!!!" Thought this was going to be a completely different kind of story.

Alix said...

High Five to flutter for the tranq dart suggestion.

Eternally Distracted said...

Oh no, trouble at mill!! I am sure they will be best friends again long before you ever forgive them ... My brother once threw a crystal ashtray at my head, fortunately missed but it left a hole in the wall. Lucky escape!

Joanie said...

I have a chilled bottle waiting here for you.

Lola said...

I think there is something in the air because my son and daughter were just about at each other's throats today. I had to break up them up at least 4 times. They are 14 and 16. The summer break needs to be over already. I can't take this much longer!

yellaalley95 said...

Ohhh, me and my brother get at it like that sometimes, and my dad tells my mom (when she tries to get us to stop) that we just need to fight it out...yeah, not a good idea, we might actually kill each other...and is it just me or is the brunette chick totally grabbing the blonde chicks, ummm, chest?

Heatherface said...

Ohhh I'm so glad I'm an only child.

Tammy Howard said...

My girls fool me, too... They can be such tight buds and then out of NOWHERE...

Yikes.

Frau said...

I grew up in a family of 5 girls we would have knock down drag out fights. My Mom would she let us and be like fine kill each other just don't get blood on my carpet. I still have a scar from my little sister going postal on me. I wonder if that is why I have a balding spot on the crown of my head from the hair pulling!! Damn! Good luck!

Angie Ledbetter said...

It's all your fault, doh! You're the one who named 'em B&S.

Being Brazen said...

I grew up in a house with 2 sisters. I have had some crazy big fights. They were rather ugly...truthfully they were always about something totally silly too.

Kat said...

What I am wondering is who said what? It had to have been a doozy.

Gayle said...

I hate it when the boys fight...I'm not strong enough to break it up so I have to use some kind of bogus threat. Still works so far.

Not The Rockefellers said...

Oh Shit...it's come to this...there..can..be..only..one!

Oh Lord,Oh God,Oh No.....

Peace, as in All I want for Christmas is Peace in this house - Rene

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

Holy hell. I never had fights like that with my sisters. We just yelled and slammed doors!

What was it over?

lizspin said...

That housing thing is very important! Congratulations to you!

Now perhaps boarding school for Sassy????

The Peach Tart said...

This is exactly the reason I only had one spawn.

mo.stoneskin said...

What you need is a pint of strong dark ale.

Jeff D'Antonio said...

Oh crap. My girls are only 10...is this what I have to look forward to in a few years??? I think I'm moving out.

only a movie said...

Yikes!!!

The Mind of a Mom said...

Oh my gosh, been there done that! My sister was out of control always (drugs, drinking etc...) and Im the most patient person but she threw a metal napkin holder at me and that was the final straw. We were on the stairs and I had her pinned before my dad peeled me off of her.

Mrs. E said...

It must be something in the air right now. My daughters are about 10 years older than yours and have been going several rounds this week. (No blows!) Do you know how "nice" it is to know that I am not the only one?!

Beth said...

You could totally be describing my step-daughters. We just moved one right back to college for the summer. She is happy. We are happy.

Coco said...

I have two daughters so I know exactly what you are going through. Mine have done that. Then 30 minutes later they are at the mall giggling and snorting and acting like they are 12 and best friends.

I know it is hard. You just want to kill them.

confused homemaker said...

sounds like a fun night. it reminds me of the time i was upset with my brother over what tv show to watch & i made my point by shoving my slurpee in his face. yah, real mature.

Lisa said...

Reminds me of the old days with MY sisters ... and the days I have coming up with my boys!

Dana's Brain said...

Hoo, boy. My two already bicker at 6 and 3!! I'm DOOOOOOOOMMMMMED!

Lisa said...

Thank you from the bottom of my cold old heart. My 21 and 18 year olds get so stoooopid. Then just to show that they were paying attention to the "lesson", the 16 and 13 year olds start. Thank the Lord for summer jobs because all of these people in my house with their egos and attitudes are driving me crazy. And to think, I cry every September when they all go back to school.....!But, the best part, is that the 5 and 2 year olds are learning stuff that the others didn't learn until waaayy older. My oldest is shocked at their disrespect (the middle ones), but she never had to deal with the conflict they have because I wanted a big family with lots of kids. Five out of seven nights I am talking to myself and muttering that this is not the way I planned it and we are the only family in the world who acts like this. Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone, that my kids are not totally messed up, and that you can indeed laugh at some of this nonsense. By the way, they are all honor students, attending Mass every Sunday, and looking totally fantastic to the outside world?!?!?!?!And the oldest is on her own, at 27, so I have been at this motherhood thing for a while. You'd think I'd have figured it out by now?

Gaston Studio said...

Wow! I saw couple of girl fights and they were not pretty! Agree with Pseudo; get them lots of summer jobs.

Alix said...

You changed your graphic! Good. Porn and vodka are another dangerous combination.

Bobby G said...

CAT fight! word.....

Keyona said...

Oh! Dare I ask WHAT they were fighting about? There was really blood? Ouch!

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

my kids used to fight like that. and somehow they outgrew it. and lived. somehow.

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxo

me too, somehow. ps

Michele said...

So it's not just boys that bloody each other. Small consolation now that they've moved out.

Sue said...

My two girls got into a knock down drag out fight when they were around 20ish. It was over the washer. I look at them as they are bouncing off the washer & dryer, grabbed my purse and car keys and left them to kill each other. As I drove down the street, I saw my son driving home and stopped him, rolled my window down and indicated he missed his curfew and was now grounded. And part of his punishment was to go home NOW and break up the fight his two sisters were involved in! Never ends, no matter what age they are.

Madge said...

make them hug it out (mwa ha ha ha)

Joanie M said...

I don't envy you one. little. bit.

Birdie3008 said...

Oh great, so this is what I have to look forward to!

His Sweetheart said...

I wasn't into such fights when I was a teenager so I am glad mama hasn't filed any complaints about me lol

Sandee said...

Fun isn't it? Bwahahahahaha. Absolutely normal too. Have a great summer. I really mean that.

Have a terrific day. Big hug. :)

Kathy B! said...

YIKES! I love coming over here because I feel as though it's like a glimpse into my future... today you're just scaring me!!

Char said...

Ahh, the long hot summer, with school weeks away. Sorry. ((hugs))

Tortuga said...

I once got in a knock down with my sister. My mom sat there, watched, and cheered for my sister. I deserved it though, I was really mean to her growing up. We didn't draw blood though, I don't even remember why we were fighting. We quit because it was a draw.

Rick Daley said...

Is your living room shaped like an octogon, with chain link instead of wallpaper? You could start a UFC At Home series.

They way you describe it makes Bitchy and Sassy sound more like Itchy and Scratchy from the Simpsons: Fight fight fight, fight fight fight, the Bithcy and Sassy show...

Scandalous Housewife said...

It's all cupcakes and candycanes until one of the kids pulls a shank.

SkylersDad said...

I normally condone girl on girl action, but in this case I will say I am sorry for you.

LPC said...

Oh. Sorry. Maybe they are just getting it out of their system (says the optimist...)

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

Ever wondered why bee hives only have one Queen? Here's you answer.

DI
The Blue Ridge Gal

Robbie S. Redmon, LPC said...

I'm still laugh at #2, Scope's comment! Hi there, just stopping over from SITS. You were above me on Roll Call. I hope you will visit. I post marital secrets. Excerpt #16 from A Sharing of Marital Secrets is up today!

plo said...

Lord have mercy. You gotta love it. I got in a huge fight with my sister last visit to MO...no fists though.

Sandi said...

oh mamma- I hear you loud and clear. I have it going in this house too. Girls are MEAN!

The Seeker said...

Whose fault was it? It's always someone's fault ya know. ;-)

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Makes the fights I had with my sisters back in the day seem like picking flowes. Yikes! You should've sprayed them with the hose.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Oh dear! But what was the fight about?

Kara said...

It may make you feel better (or not) but the last time I got into a physical fight with my brother, I was almost 18, and he was 16. It was at a beach, in public, so it was far worse than being in the living room. I ripped up his neck and back, and he tried to drown me. And, I was the instigator. Thankfully, no charges were filed, but it was close. My Mom was pissed to say the least.

Anna See said...

Oh, my. I think I need a martini after reading that. I hope the next couple of weeks go at warp speed. I usually wouldn't wish for a teacher's summer to speed by, but I think you need it.

for a different kind of girl said...

This sounds hauntingly like my sister and I as we were growing up...

(there's light at the end of the tunnel...or else it could be called 'thank goodness we live six hours apart now!')

Captain Dumbass said...

Bring a hose in from outside and let them have it whenever they even look at each other the wrong way.

Fancy Schmancy said...

My father used to make my older sisters keep their fingernails filed down to the quick so they couldn't scratch each other's eyes out. Not kidding. I feel your pain.

Diane said...

My boys got into a real knock down drag out only once at 20 and 21. They both took judo for years. It was at 3 a.m. and resulted in lots of blood, 1 trip to the ER (torn bicep) and both boys being forced to move out. My husband made them pack a bag and leave that night and a week later I took the oldest to the ER. The other one declined stitches. It's a guy thing. They did learn to respect each other - the hard way.

Madtexter said...

More like Bitchy + Sassy = Hotmess!

I enjoyed the referenced to "Sanford". Yes, just dated myself...and you, oops, by default!

Yes, it's gonna be a long, hot, crazy @$$ summa!

Diane J. said...

Oh my gosh, too funny. I feel for ya, my boys are driving me nuts already. I wonder how much boarding school costs? Do they still have such things? Can my kids get a scholarship?

Carolyn...Online said...

Boxing gloves. I think you should buy them boxing gloves and send them outside to duke it out. Whoever loses has to make dinner.

The Mother said...

Fascinating how they can get along one minute, and tear each other's hair out the next.

Love it.

Desert Songbird said...

I think someone needs a job on campus. NOW.

Oh, and got the Sanford reference. Yikes - I think that dates me, too!

Diane said...

Carolyn. . .Online - Boxing gloves are a great idea! But I think it should be whoever wins has to make dinner. That should knock them off balance.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

It's stories like these that make me very glad I was only able to have one miracle baby. ;)

Annabelle said...

OOh gosh - this sounds like my sister and I when we were younger, so I suppose that makes our families...er normal? Right?

Gladys said...

Nurse Meme used to tie us together and give us chores to do. Do you know how hard it is to vacuum wit a dead body tied to you?

Melissa B. said...

Ah, the memories. As the proud mama of two young women, I must add something to this.

Circa a few years ago...Ella Una was in 7th grade; Ella the Younger in 4th.

ENU: You're a lesbian!
END: Am not!
ENU: Are too!
END bursts into tears. Runs in to blubber to her mama, who's grading papers. Mama goes out to the kitchen.

Mama: Do you know what a lesbian is?
ENU: No, but I know she is one!

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

Send one over here. I need a babysitter & your girls sound like they could hold their own against my kids.

My brother & I got into a bad fight like this right before I moved out.

Marla said...

Oh sisterly love is a grand thing...

NOT!

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

Oh, Lord.

Put their asses on a plane and get them down here.

They'll be coming back and begging for chores to do, singing ditties in harmony all day, and smiling 'til their faces crack.

Mimi Lenox said...

And do not under any circumstances buy junk food!
Just sayin'.....

"clean up the blood..."
rolling eyes

phd in yogurtry said...

Put it on youtube, yo!

Pop and Ice said...

I will eternally thank God that I only had one girl. Otherwise I totally would have flunked out of parenting. Would have thrown in the towel. Given up.

YOU are amazing dealing with those two girls of yours!

The Half-Assed Housewife said...

I would strongly suggest you open a benedryl and sprinkle it in their drinks. When they crash you tie 'em up, duct tape their mouth and throw 'em in the basement.

Vodka Logic said...

You got a hidden camera in my house..

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Can you buy a Taser legitimately in the US, VKMom - You may need to add that to the grocery list, if so...

Love and parental empathy hugs to you, my friend x (And if you ever fancy doing the odd 'Parenting Teens' blog as a Guest Star contributor, please come see us at Mad Manic Mamas on Blogspot? Pretty Please? xox)

Kelly Dawn said...

been there done that...myself and my 4 brothers.... PLUS? I have 3 teens at my house all summer...girls taht are 17 and 16 and a boy who is 13...and they are 3 fight like that...then they all gang up on DADDY on the weekends...It never ends around here...

AS Amber said...

OK, I laughed right out loud when I read the "buying food" part. And it's 1:00 in the morning where I am! That was freakin' funny.

The rest of the post? Not gonna lie...a little scary! Two of my sisters used to fight like that, to. Now they're besties.

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