Dear Bitchy and Sassy,
Well, you two SURE had me fooled. All those late night visits to Starbucks, all that laughing, sharing clothes, and going here and there had me COMPLETELY fooled.
But last night when you had that KNOCK DOWN DRAG-OUT fight in the living room???? Yeah, THAT was an eye-opener.
When The Golden Boy came running out to the deck CRYING to tell me that you were KILLING each other it almost gave me a heart attack. (I felt like Sanford clutching my heart- I’m coming mom!! I’m COMING!!!)
Sassy, strangling your sister in the living room with our two LARGE dogs barking, your brother screaming and your DAD flying up the stairs to beat the *$@# out of someone does nothing for your argument that you are a mature young lady who deserves her own car. (Oh, and good luck with THAT. As soon as your father gets a job, the first thing we’re buying is FOOD.)
And Bitchy, thank GOD my personal mission of getting you housing has FINALLY paid off. My only wish is that they would let you move in TOMORROW.
Now, you two get in the living room and clean up the blood, straighten all the furniture, pick up the broken glass and then sit in a room TOGETHER with no phones and no computer until I recover. Pack some food- it might be awhile.
(Is it only July 8? It’s gonna be a long *@$& summer. I mean hot. It's gonna be a long hot summer.)