7/22/09

We are OUT of milk, people.



If you are lucky, your doctor will schedule your mammogram the day BEFORE you leave for the BlogHer conference in Chicago.


If you are REALLY lucky, the technician who is “handling” your case is the PARENT of one of your students from last year. And while she is adjusting your, um, gifts, you might engage in a little discussion about school.



Kind of puts the parent/teacher conference in a new light. Usually I like to be dressed.



(And OUCH, I might add. Those HURT! No matter how much squeezing you do, those puppies are empty.)

71 comments:

Frau said...

I used to run into my Gyno at Church, after seeing him for a certain itch. I died of embarrassment with the OMG please don't ask me how I'm doing!

Captain Dumbass said...

I saw my own doctor naked at the gym once. That was wrong. Just wrong.

Jeanette said...

In the throws of labor, I looked up to see the doctor that I stood next to while singing the Christmas cantada, going down under the sheet.

Stupid oncall system.

Sits Girl Here!

Maggie May said...

I guess I'm one unlucky sonofabitch.

Hope the results are clear.

Amy said...

My doctor gives me free breast exams at rock concerts. Is that wrong?

♥ Braja said...

Whistlin'....

:)

Eternally Distracted said...

Suddenly I am sore ....

Anne said...

Yep...gotta love being a teacher in a small town... I'm not sure there is any place that I can escape to w/o running into parents or kids...

Bars, bathrooms, gym, OB/GYN apts. etc...

But for fun...do you every browse your local jail roster to see how many parents you can 'meet' there... ones that are 'tied up' and can't make conferences. Now that is a good time.

Renée aka Mekhismom said...

You have just reminded me that I need one. Never had one and I have been putting it off. I guess I will schedule it for when I return from BlogHer. Speaking of BlogHer - I need your deets lady, please send me your cell phone number!

Kat said...

Nothing says "have a nice trip to BlogHer" like getting your boobies smooshed!

Gayle said...

At what age are we supposed to start getting those? I have never had one. (I'm 41 incase you are wondering). :)

Joanie M said...

I've waited on my gyno at Fridays.

"Oh, Hi Dr. N! I really need to call you for an appointment."

Joanie M said...

Gayle,
They say you should start at 40, you lucky girl, you!

Irish Gumbo said...

I guess I won't be going to BlogHim this year...

ladytruth said...

My "technician" is the father of one of my ex-boyfriends. We always have a lot to talk about.

The Peach Tart said...

Did you have a couple of vodkas to relax you before the procedure? That's what I always do even it it's scheduled for 9:00 am.

WeaselMomma said...

ouch.

blueviolet said...

There's milk. She just doesn't have the technique down yet. Try again.

only a movie said...

That town in Oregon is WAY too small.

Tammy Howard said...

Oh, ain't small town livin' grand?

Mine don't hurt (unless you count pride) - I always say it's the one and only day of the year I'm actually GLAD to have saggy boobs.

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Tightwad can find the milk for you.

Cora said...

In high school my sex ed teacher ended up being my neighbor who lived directly accross the street. I'd known him since I was four. I practically grew up with his kids. He was like an uncle to me.

Watching him put a condom on a banana-- *shudder* ....Now that was HELL. For both of us.

And it totally ruined bananas for me too.

confused homemaker said...

somehow that's always the case as if when going for visits like that you want small talk.

Jeff D'Antonio said...

Yup, I teach in a small town too. I once had a prostate exam (that's the one that involves a finger going into places where fingers were never meant to go) performed by the father of one of my students.

It would have been a lot less uncomfortable if he hadn't been asking me about his son's failing grade in my class while performing the exam.

A. K. said...

Back in College my Chemistry Professor was my drinking buddy and my private ATM machine. LOL!

SkylersDad said...

Laughing my ass off at Jeff!!

And I hope your boobies are OK Vodkalady.

Jeanne said...

At least you don't have to get in a discussion of your BB every year....

I have some BlogHer suggestions for you over at the Chronicles if you get a chance to pop in.

Mrs. E said...

I'm thinking I should have read this last night. I wasn't ready this morning. Such "pressing" issues!!

Lorraine said...

Ah yes, the annual deflation. They don't perk back up quite so much each time. We'll just refer to them as the Panini Sisters.

Keyona said...

Uh...maybe you should leave your town for THOSE kind of appointments. Ya know to AVOID any weird situations.

The Half Assed Housewife said...

The joys of small town living.

Not The Rockefellers said...

Oh yes..It is very small town here as well..with many folks employed by the healthcare industry...very likely "the people in your neighborhood" will someday know all about your yard et al...

Peace - Rene

Elaine said...

You definitely should have worn the nursing bra . . .

Marinka said...

At least it's out of the way! (How do you love my new optimist schtick? I'm trying it on for BlogHer).

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

all i can say is you haven't lived until you have one boob in one of those machines and a dr. sticking a needle in it at the same time. but you know what? my breast cancer is gone! so just DO it.

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

sorry to be graphic! ps

Julie B. said...

Think of the positive...at least she didn't see you undressing and taking off a nursing bra ;)

darsden said...

(excuse me)...bawhahahahahahaha ;-)

Zip n Tizzy said...

So I guess the nursing bra did nothing for you.
Oh well.

(Glad it all got worked out to go to Blogher. Have a blast!)

Angie Ledbetter said...

We, your followers, thank you for saving the tatas!

Have a blast (well, as much as you can without us along) at BlogHer.

Fer*Cambe said...

A parent for one of my kids was a bit trashed and at the same bar I was at with friends a couple months ago... Came over, "Mr Cam-be-ros what about my leettle merrruhdith she us fauntahsteec raight"?

Jenni Jiggety said...

I am not sure I could let a former parents handle the boobies...

Awkwaaaaaard!

Mango Girl said...

Thanks for the reminder...

Vodka Logic said...

No matter what anyone says those machines hurt..

I work in a hospital and from time to time see a name I know.. can be awkward.

xx

Brian Miller said...

thanks for the laugh today. big smiles. is that part of the pasking process for your trip?

parent teacher conferences always fun, but yes this takes it to a new level. lol.

The Mind of a Mom said...

All the more reason why you need to give good report cards to all the kids! LoL

Michele Renee said...

I need to make an appt. Now, to pick a date on the calendar when they are not already uncomfortable due to mid-cycle, pre-menstrual, etc.

Gaston Studio said...

OMG, that was just so funny.

The Renaissance Chick said...

I got hired for a teaching job while on the delivery table! My doctor was the school board president and had to leave a board meeting to deliver my first baby. As I was pushing, he told me that they had accepted a resignation from an English teacher and the board wanted him to ask me if I wanted the job. There was a waiting list for that job, so I felt very fortunate...until that big-headed kid popped out! :)

Malisa

Laura said...

Oh really? See, I usually have my teacher parent meetings naked. You know. To take the focus off of my kid.

Sandee said...

Bwahahahahahaha. You have the most ironic life going for you. You know that? Bwahahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day. :)

Pastor Sharon said...

OUCH!!!! After reading this, I just sat here for a moment hugging the twins. . . . I mean really? Who thought up squeezing perfectly good pillows down to with a flat iron just to see if anything is really there?
I just say, they are filled with down feathers. . . now, quit squeezing!!! There is no milk. . . and because you flattened them, I wouldn't give you any if there was!

Birdie3008 said...

Oh I know how you feel. A nurse in my OB/GYN office is the mother of 3 boys that I had in various classes. Talk about embarrassing when she is the one I have to talk to for a prescription for a yeast infection!

Ladybird World Mother said...

O.u.c.h.
Oh, and a quiet giggle.
Mine are empty too. :)

Twenty-Something said...

AWKWARD! haha

My mom was a mamo-tech and she used to tell us really awkward stories of her having to work on people she knew. I'm sure it was just as awkward for him/her as it was for you, though not as painful.

Sprite's Keeper said...

One thing I've learned abour doctors, never see the same gyno thast's treating your mother. During a particularly uncomfortable exam, he was asking about how my mom was doing while his head kept dipping lower. He kept scooting in because I kept scooting up the exam table. I switched doctors after that.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I hope I get to meet you at Blogher. I'll be the one with a microbrew in the coke can. I just sent you an email with my cell. Call me.

Meg Who Prefersherfantasylife

Expat mum said...

Ooh ow. I'll look out for you at the conference. I'm in the cheap seats (out in the bar, I mean, the lobby!)

Fragrant Liar said...

Good Lord, couldn't you ask for someone who's child you didn't teach? You know she's going home and telling her hubs and the kids and everyone else that she had her hands on your kid's teacher's tatas!

But really, don't feel embarrassed. I don't.

Paige Lacey said...

Ouch! A double whammy, huh?

Have fun at the conference!

Coffee with Cathy said...

Have a great time in Chicago -- and could you repurpose your mamo-gown for a possible Blogher wardrobe addition??? You were worried about not being fashionable -- as if anybody cares, you silly woman -- but I'm thinking new trend here.

Alix said...

I'm hoping that losing 70 pounds of fat (mostly in my boobs) will facilitate a happier mammogram this fall. Crossing fingers and toes.

(Prolly it'll hurt worse, knowing my luck.)

Joanna Jenkins said...

Phew! Running into people I know at your mammo is one thing I don't have to worry about living in a big city. It's like a boob squashing factory here. Next, next, next.....

Funny post!

Anna See said...

Have fun at BlogHer.

I taught for a long time and ran into parents and students in weird places. Not at a mammogram, however.

Joanie said...

I'm overdue for my mammo (no insurance, y'know) and I know I need to have it done. Family history and all. Plus, I'm usually just so lucky with stuff like that.

However, I'm more likely to end up with a tech whose hobby is developing instruments of extreme torture Yep.

Now, go have fun!

dizzblnd said...

That is one thing I am not looking forward to, a brestsmashing. I am just glad no one I know will be doing it.

Have fun at Blogher I can't wait to read everyone's updates!

lizspin said...

I hope you were nice to her kid!

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

At least it wasn't a former student! My sister has encountered that several times as she teaches high school so they're older when she gets them.

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Oh dear. I think I would have left. No nerve.

Now I'm off to check out Hit 40.

sheila said...

OMG talk about uncomfortable. As for the test itself? I'm pretty sure a man invented that...a woman would have NEVER invented such an uncomfortable test. Idiots.

Annie said...

I had a students mother help deliver my baby. It was a wee bit wierd!

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