Another excerpt from the "Lost" files...

I remember about 5 years ago, there were two other teachers in our building who had teenage daughters – young teenage daughters. We spent many emotional, tear-filled mornings in the teacher’s lounge describing tales of horror from either the previous night, or that morning. It was during that time we discovered that we were NOT the only moms who yelled, screamed, threw things, and were screamed at in return. After comparing notes, we felt almost NORMAL. It was then we decided that the only way we were going to live through this emotional period was to laugh about it. (Humor is the only way to go, right?) Someone had a little apple pin in their desk (another Christmas gift put to good use) and we agreed that it would be the “Mother of the Year” pin. So, on many mornings when we would come to school, one of us would inevitably come running into one of our rooms yelling, “Where’s the pin? Where’s the pin? I’m the Mother of the Year today!!” It truly helped us through some heart-wrenching years. Now, if you feel you are in the running to be a member of the club, pay close attention.

You, too, can be a “Mother (or father) of the Year” if you have been involved in some of the following:

1. If you’ve dragged your teenager to the bathroom by her hair in order to shove soap in her mouth.

2. If you’ve sent your daughter to school without money or appropriate clothing for a field trip.

3. If you’ve driven to a slumber party in the middle of the night to pick up a mortified teenager.

4. If you’ve driven to Smith Mountain in a snowstorm, climbed through trails in the woods to pluck your mortified daughter from a tent filled with partying teens.

5. If you’ve called parents after a sleepover to inform them of a late night sneak-out gone wrong.

6. If you’ve denied your child the privilege of going to a party that “everyone else” is going to

.7. If, in a moment of anger, you’ve thrown a cell phone to the floor only to have it disintegrate in front of your eyes.

8. If you’ve sent your child to school after a screaming match that’s lasted at LEAST 10 minutes.

9. If you have answered the door after being woken up at 3 am only to find a pizza man there but not the 5 girls who ordered the pizza. (They intended to beat him home :-) )

10. If you have checked the mileage on the car before and after a "trip to the high school to pick up a forgotten homework assignment."

11. If one of your teenager’s friend’s mother calls you at midnight and asks to speak to her daughter only to have you say, "Why no, Jane, the girls are at YOUR house."

12. If you have turned off you cell phone during an important meeting out of town only to turn it back on and see 15 missed messages--all from home. (Have a drink before you call back! Chances are your daughter was suspended for a slight misunderstanding.)

13. If you’ve had moments when you don’t actually like your child. (Even though we know you LOVE them…)

Mothers (and fathers) be assured; this too shall pass. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. The only problem is, when you have more than one child, and you think you see the light, there’s a force that YANKS you back in. Now, where is that pin???

(I am on a "sister" vacation until next week, so sorry I haven't been able to visit. I'll make it up to you somehow! :-) I'm also working on a project. Shhh, you didn't hear anything from me. )


Hit 40 said...

I have thrown game boys out my car window. The kiddos can just drive you to temporary moments of insanity.

Elaine said...

I think it is comically ironic that there are 13 reasons! Obviously LUCK has nothing to do with being Mother of the Year!

Brian Miller said...

there are those days...smiles. when you drive away from the grandparents house just to see if they really want to live there now...

Fer*Cambe said...

Wow these girls keep you busy huh? Lots of picking them up mortified from places, but the pizza thing is a classic though, calling before you get home shows strong foresight by her. Good to plan ahead you know!

buffalodick said...

Thank God I had boys... I would be in jail if I had a daughter..for killing her wannbe boyfriend..

seriously? said...

Oh CRAP...I have two girls 7 and 4 that are already giving me attitude!!! Is it so bad that I have seen myself doing some of the things on your list and I don't even have teens yet? I am sure things will be just fine...right? OH CRAP!!!!

Captain Dumbass said...

Some times your posts scare the hell out of me.

Vodka Logic said...

I have a 20 and 14 year old daughters.. so I am in the middle of it all. Number 10 I hadn't thought of thanks and 13 I have thought of too many times to count..

I am taking my 14 yo on this up coming vacation...wish me luck.

Have a nice vacation VM.

Stereos and Souffles said...

I'll have to agree with Captain Dumbass. Being a mother to animals is about all I can handle. Glad you had fun in Chicago, isn't it a great city!?

Elle said...

Having had 5 children at home (3 boys, 2 girls) I can related to #'s 2,5,6,8and 13. It does get better though, thank God.

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Mines are 6 and 9 and I live in fear after reading your posts. FEAR of teen hell!

Diane J. said...

Mom? Are you sure you aren't disguising yourself? No, that can't be, we didn't have cell phones and you're way too young to be my mother (see I remember the last post ~ I have no intentions of getting run over).

I have become a total hypocrit since having children. My 15-year-old spend some time chatting with grandma. When he said he was going to L's house, I told him to stay away from parties (L has a tendency to seek out parties). That litte (okay, he's not so little) bugger chirped back, "Why not, you did?"

So, child ended up in his room and grandma got a nasty phone call. I think she laughed at me. Humph!

peewee said...

Back in the olden days my mom CUT..WITH SCISSORS...the phone cord to ground us from talking to our friends all night.

Sprite's Keeper said...

Enjoy your vacation! I know you've been looking forward to it and the fact that you're somewhere within 4 hours of me right now is making me smile!
You MUST provide a post about pulling your mortified daughter from a tent. PLEASE!

confused homemaker said...

Good to see I'm on my way to mother of the year, I was getting worried.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Gasp! What project that I didn't hear from you are you working on, exactly?

If you have to pull your mortified daughter out of something, that's sort of a good thing, right?

Lorraine said...

Okay, I confess, I did this once and only once - opened the window took out the screen and tossed all her clothes out the second story window. Never found them on the floor again. Of course, she'll tell you that I also made her kneel on rice... but she exagerates. My mother did that!

Jeff D'Antonio said...

I would like to nominate MY MOTHER for this award, because I'm fairly certain she did every single one of those things when I was a teenager (except for the one about the cell phone, because cell phones didn't exist back then...)

My girls are only 10, so none of that stuff here yet. I'll be looking to move out in a few years, before they turn into evil teenagers....

Twenty-Something said...

I just called my bother to tell her she was mother of the year... for about the last 12 years between me and the 3 of my siblings!

sitting on the mood swing at the playground said...

I'm going to use my cell phone to call my mom and let her know she's mother of the year. It's a little late but I know she'll love the honor. I'm sure she's grateful that she didn't have to deal with a cell phone during my teen years.

The town where I grew up was so small that the police often told my folks things before I had a chance to come up with my own version of the story.

Expat From Hell said...

We were once accused by our teenage daughter of being THE MOST CONSERVATIVE PARENTS IN THE ENTIRE TOWN. Tough to live that down.

Linda said...

I only have 3 boys, but let me tell you, they have mood swings, too. If my 17 year old does not pick up his band uniform, socks, frisbee, dishes from last night's snack, folder of music, shoes, and assorted other papers, I may scream!
Then I just might have to call the phone company to disconnect a cell phone...

Susan said...

I'm petrified. I've done some of these things but I DON'T WANT TO DO THE REST!!!!

And the soap thing? My daughter liked it! Cod liver oil, baby!!

only a movie said...

I only have the one teenaged boy, but damn, if I hadn't earned that pin.
Wish we worked at the same school. Hope your vacation is going well.

Pollyanna (formerly the Laughing Idiot) said...

My child is just starting kindergarten so I have time to get my own pin, right? Do you think I have more than a week? Because I don't think I can squeeze that in with all the other junk I need to do to get her ready. You're a teacher, do I really need to write her name on every frickin' crayon? I digress. . .

Can't wait for these fabulous mommy moments in my future!

Maggie said...

It really got me thinking how my parents have suffered! And I'm their only child! lol

Number 3 made me laugh so much!

I remember going to a slumber party once band I just couldn't fall asleep, so I called my parents to come pick me up cause I couldn't sleep!! LMAO! I was like 12 i think.

Anna See said...

Yeah, I'm printing this out for future reference.

MsPicketToYou said...

HOLY EFF??! Love and fear rolled into one.

Am sending this to both sisters (with teenagers) pronto.


Joanie M said...

Pass me the pin.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Where do I get my pin?

Julia said...

#8....ten minute screaming match on TAKS day...you know the big standardized test day that we are supposed to send our child to school well rested, fed and stress free? hahaha.

Never failed I kicked them out the door on those mornings, only to realize much later in the day that it was TAKS TEST day.

Keep the pin, I'll pat myself on the back.

xoxox, Julia

♥georgie♥ said...

LOl...I qualify BIG time...enjoy your sister vacation-how fun!

Zip n Tizzy said...

What I want is the teen boy post. He might not be there yet, but you're still ahead of me.

For now, I get the award for sweeping up the most broken appliances/ furniture/ toys and moving on.

Hope you're having a great time with your sister!

WeaselMomma said...

Life with teens is never boring.

Caroline Alexander said...

You give me a lot to look forward to. I know what I was like, I am in trouble with two girls!

Irish Gumbo said...

(sucking wind)(dizzy)...this is what I have to look forward to? Thank gawd she's not even 5 yet...I better lay in some whiskey :)

Fragrant Liar said...

Only 13??? I may have to finish your list over at my place . . .

tera said...

And here I thought my mom was the only parent on the face of the planet to check the mileage on the car!

My favorite mom thing (in retrospect, not so funny at the time) was her ability to come up with really creative punishments.

Long story, just suffice it to say standing in the garage saying "turkey butt face" over and over for 15 minutes is not as fun as it sounds!!

Joanie said...

Guilty of several of those. Sigh.


Joanne said...

Thanks for letting me feel normal. I get quite worried sometimes that I am the only insane person around! I will be printing this out and sticking on the bathroom door.

SSP said...

see now, if #14 had been "have your child have a melt down at Radio Shack cuz you won't buy him his own battery operated helicopter, and you have to drag him out by the leash cuz he has thrown himself on the floor and won't get up" it would have been FUNNY as hell, instead of national news!!

freefun0616 said...