Could someone lend me some earplugs?

Dear Sassy,

When you ask your mom if you can go stay at a friend’s house, and she says “No”, she might have a @%$*good reason.

Instead of unleashing a plethora of expletives (BITCH, for example…) and ranting around the house like a crazy lunatic, slamming doors, listing reasons why you hate your mother and why she is the WORST MOTHER EVER (yeah, nice try) and how she is BiPolar and crap, you might want to sit and discuss the matter like an adult.

Have we not discussed the “spoonful of sugar” strategy? Yeah, well, try it sometime.

(Jesus, couldn’t God just give me ONE bitchy?)

psst. I'm hiding from Sassy over here today....


Pseudo said...

Holy crap I'm first.

Pseudo said...

It's 6 PM here and I just got home from a long day followed by a meeting where I was told when I walked in that I would be the speaker/facilitator.

Me; Did I know this?

Committee Leader: I sent you an email.

Me: Oh? When?

Leader: Yesterday at 4.

Me: yeah. I've been kind of busy teaching back to back classes.

Everyone loved me at the meeting cuase I lasted five minutes.

Pseudo said...

Came by to say thanks. I checked my blog when I got home and wondered about the extra traffic. Then stoppped here and see you are to thank.

Thank you Vodka. I am humbled by the honor of being featured on you site ; -)

Pseudo said...

Dude. i wonder how many of these i could do before someone else got on? The first one I was so excited to be first I trembled when I typed.

Pseudo said...

This is fun. But I better go make dinner, water the yard, feed the dog. All that.

Pseudo said...

I think I am making Braja proud.

Adiba Nelson, Author/Blogger/Mom said...

there is a mug that I recently purchased at Z Gallerie that i think you MUST buy....it says *and i quote*.."As a matter of fact I AM the F***ing Queen!"

i drink my coffee from it and glare at my stepson as I do so..I also throw in some occasional hissing for good measure....I think you should do the same...

Captain Dumbass said...

Does her head spin all the way around when she goes off like that?

Ooh! You know what would really piss her off? Video.

Not that you'd want to be vindictive like that.

peewee said...

I used to do that to my mom too. Well, ONCE. Then she made me eat dial soap. The bar kind. And I never ever again called her a bitch.

Sure, you'd be arrested for that these days. I'm only telling you this so you can tell her that you in fact are NOT the worst mother EVER, because if you wash HER mouth with soap, you'd at LEAST use the liquid kind!

flutter said...

tranq dart.

Pseudo said...

BTW I still say lock Bitchy in a room with my 17 year old with my Sass Boy and maybe they will nullify each other...

Anonymous said...

This is why I have always been so glad we raised a boy! Not that he NEVER went through a stage like this, but his so didn't last NEAR as long as the friends I have who have girls!!

God knew, I couldn't spend my life in jail, so I'm sure that's why he gave me a boy!!

Alyson Enola said...

oooh I live in Hawaii and I think I might've heard her...maybe? No, that was my kid. Can you tell her to speak up to drown out my own offspring?

Beth said...

DON'T fix green pea soup for supper tonight. It isn't a good plan.

Mrs. E said...

And with any luck, someday she'll have a kid who treats her this way. I think it might be our only justice.

Samantha said...

Teenageer's are flipping crazy! Good thing I have at least 16 yrs to develop a plan for how I'll deal with that madness!

Samantha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LadyFi said...

I've sent you a few hundred pairs of ear plugs.. They're in the post: marked 'urgent medical supplies'.

Brian Miller said...

a spoon full of sugar? makes the medicine go down? lol. urgent meducal supplies...

ToyLady said...

Would you like my Surly Boy to have a talk with her? You are SO not the WORST MOTHER EVER - I took that title YEARS ago - back when Surly Boy was just a wee little Surly Pre-teenager (and still shorter than I was).

He's twenty-one this weekend and slightly less surly - he's evidently (finally) learned the "spoonful of sugar" trick.

Hi, mom. I was wondering . . . can I borrow your car?

*sigh* Worst Mother Ever. That's me.

Liz Wilkey (a.k.a. A Mom on Spin) said...


If they think we're Bipolar. . . what would ever explain their behavior???

cheatymoon said...

Sweetie, you can't possibly be the worst mother ever. That would be me. I think my son, Pseudo's son, and Sassy should all go off on a retreat somewhere. I'd give permission.

Cool for featuring Ms. Psueudo!!

mommakin said...

My daughters can be quite horrible, too. But then I hang my head in shame, because I know I was, as well. I can sometimes even remember the horrible things I said to my mother. I know my own personal bitchy sisters are the penance I deserve. And I take a little comfort in the fact that they'll probably receive their penance someday, too.

Anonymous said...

Obviously she knew how much you were missing Bitchy, so she was just doing her part to help you cope.

Unknown said...

You need to purchase a CASE of ear plugs!

P.S. Pseudo was having fun, no?

Vodka Logic said...

With Bitchy at school someone had to fill her spot. Who is the next Sassy?


Unknown said...

Vodka mom... need teacher advice... Whaa... crying in Norway..

The Peach Tart said...

She's being a hater.

Bobby G said...

JESUS! She may need to be exorcized! Did she vomit puke green at you w/ Authority? Did her head spin around? Hmmmmm

darsden said...

Yes, I do I will send them right over.. kids!!

awe look at cutie PHST..congrats to you too :-) it is fun isn't it. Braja is proud I can see her smiling!

SkylersDad said...

Now package all that up into a kid that is non-verbal and just grunts and groans at you. That's my life.

Meg said...

That spoonful of sugar thing is lost on my daughter as well. She definitely needs to adopt it before she gets a boyfriend.

Gayle said...

I don't ever get the *bitch* comment, but I am *stupid* and *gay*. I'm sure *bitch* is used out of slapping range.

Why do they hate us?

Anonymous said...

my mother would have knocked my head off if I spoke to her that way

Anonymous said...

she's not too big to spank !

Eternal Lizdom said...

Earplugs? I seriously work for a company that makes them. I can send you a couple pair! E-mail me! I've donated many a pair to new moms and it makes sense that moms of teens would need them too! Ha!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, moms do have a reason for it all, but we can't seem to understand it. And you guys always tell us "Someday when you have kids you'll understand!!" Until then, I don't think she'll understand. xD

tracey.becker1@gmail.com said...

Oh.... dear.

Sharon Rose said...

Let me be sure I read this right. This is not the first daughter who has turned all sweet and friendly. This is the younger one?

If so, at least you have been through "bootcamp" with the first one.

Liz Mays said...

But, the sugar is always the artificial kind....

Zip n Tizzy said...

The reason you weren't letting her go was to spare the other girls mother, right?

I nearly pee'd my pants reading #9. That's Z for sure!
Unfortunately for him, he has 2 more years before he gets to attend.

T had a great first day, but Z is not so sure about his new found independence! He wants his brother thank you very much.

Joanie said...

I got that from a photography client. Someone who is getting my services gratis. How's that?

They must be on the same cycle or something.

Coffee with Cathy said...

Ah, sisters ... what are you gonna do??? And I loved your back-to-school cost comparison! I only had daughters so I never realized late August wasn't a time for major budget-denting. Among many other times, of course: Prom, coronation, graduation, etc.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Wow, I didn't know my daughter was yours too!!!

Susan said...

When I was growing up my mom used to say she hoped I'd have a kid that treated me the way I treated her. I took it as some sort of curse and waited a good long time to have kids. We shall see....

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

God just wanted to make sure you couldn't play favorites. ;)

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