Mice in her hair???

I've been working on my column for this month, and often look back at old columns for a chuckle. Remember that piece on the school nurse? I am still laughing at that. Here are the "gems".

My little Bruce wanted to go to the nurse, and when I told him that he really didn’t LOOK sick, he was adamant. So, against my better judgment, I took him.

Nurse: “So Bruce, what hurts?”

“Every time I blow my nose my ear hurts.”

“Well, how long has this been going on?” the nurse asked.

“Um, let’s see, about 52 weeks. Since 2007 at least.”

And with that, I gently took his hand, smiled at the nurse and marched him back to class.

After deciding that I HAD to do a piece on school nurses, here are some chuckles sent to me by my friends...

“My ear hurts when I burp.”

“My lips are tired.”

“I’m leaking plasma.”

“I have a hernia in my knee.”

“I think my sister has the weasels.”

“My right eye is blinking.”

“Somebody Fwode up and it made me sick.”

“I had a crustacean on my eye.”

“I had to see the eye optimist.”

“My sister has mice in her hair.”

Then, my little John had gone to the nurse complaining of being "gassy".

The nurse asked him when his last bowel movement was. He said "Umm, when I was about 3.”

I can't wait to get back to work......


Joanie said...

It'll come soon enough.

I know I'm not ready for LD to go back on Thursday. It's just not time yet!

natalee said...

School starts soon my dear...i think im ready!!!! love this piece....so funny

Brian Miller said...

ha. those are amazing. i may or may not have used most of those when i was in school. i plead the 5th.

Unknown said...

I can't wait either! A new batch of kids.. you know you will NEVER hear the same thing twice from each class year to year.

It should be a very fun year!

http://howtobecomeacatladywithoutthecats.blogspot.com said...

I remember the last time I had a crustacean on my eye... It just wouldn't let go.

Anonymous said...

I am glad my son is starting at a new school that has a much stricter mice policy. Head mice is so hard to get rid of.

Zip n Tizzy said...

I was quite close to the nurse in 3rd grade. After moving in the middle year, I had a standing appointment with her every afternoon after lunch.
It was odd how at first we were such good friends but after several weeks her eyes began to roll to the back of her head when she saw me. God bless them. They nurse such a variety of wounds.

Sue said...

I love the things little kids come up with. . out of the mouth of babes. I've got to cut this short, I'm off to go visit "Jeff", he is pretty cute don't you think?

Joanie said...

I think I'm going to miss getting kids up and ready for school.

Oh wait... 20 years of getting kids up for school?

I'm getting my life back!

never mind.

Sara said...

I would hate to leak plasma. Then again, I'd hate to not have a bowel movement in a couple years. That kid needs some fiber.

Malisa said...

I wish you had my precious Madisyn in your class! You would challenge each other with your wit!


AD said...


Little kids are so cute.

In high school, I took an early childhood education class, and the high school had a preschool system, so us students were the teachers for the class period. It was fun, and I miss those kids a lot sometimes.

I can't wait for school to start. Hooray for more stories!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

This past week I've been busy and haven't had time to write - so I've just posted sound bytes of funny things my children have said recently. I don't usually, since my oldest has so many speech delays and I have a lot of mixed emotions on the subject (one thing to tell my husband "you have to heard what Eleanor just said to me" - another thing to record everything online and highlight the fact that I have far moe quotes from one child than another...) ANYWAY - this is by far one of my favorite things to read on your site - those kid quotes. They never get old.

Also - I don't think I told you that I love your new look. And I JUST noticed your button. I'll go add that to my own site right now!

(Apparently, I've forgiven you for being 15 minutes away from my house and not visiting...)

only a movie said...

Two weeks!! Then we'll have more blog fodder! And get to hang out w/ the little darlings all day again. I am getting excited. :-)

Vodka Logic said...

Funny, the leaking plasma was great. My kids are well past the elementary age but what memories.


PippaD said...

I want mice in my hair!

Formerly known as Frau said...

I hope I never have mice in my hair!! Yikes! I can't wait for school to start either....!

The Peach Tart said...

Some very innovative excuses here.

WeaselMomma said...

Thanks for the morning laughs.

Ann Imig said...

I do remember this one, and also enjoyed reading your "back to school" post again.

Of course it has new meaning for me, now that Five is off to school (GULP)

Miss you...

Julie D said...

Just getting caught up on my blog reading. Happy Sunday!

Jennifer Juniper said...

I think the hardest thing for my kids to get over during summer break was their compulsion to go to the nurse. Our nurse is warm and cuddly and all the kids love her...too much.

After about 1/2 way through the year, I made my 6 year old had to recite the following before getting on the bus "I am not allowed to go to the nurse unless I am throwing up or bleeding."

Mrs. E said...

Ah, the life of an elementary teacher! I don't know how you keep a straight face.

Unknown said...

I love it. I can't wait until school starts so we can read more of your gems!

The Half Assed Housewife said...

Ahh kids. My favorite is when my daughter told the choir teacher she wouldn't be at the performance a week later. Teach asks why not. Daughter informs her that her throat will be sore - next week!

I was just relieved we got out of it so we didn't have to sit through one of those we're holding you hostage PTA meetings.

♥ Braja said...

You gotta watch those little kids. They're kinda, like, liars....

Mango Girl said...

So cute!!!

Can't wait for new ones after school starts!

LadyFi said...

Hilarious! That last one is a true classic!

shrink on the couch said...

I'm going to try that when I need a sick day excuse: "my kids have the weasels." The thing is, I wouldn't by lying. They have a serious case of the weasels. For example, this morning they weaseled out of putting their laundry away.

KMcJoseph said...

I think I'm gonna fwode up.

unmitigated me said...

Oh honey. I need help. I am NOT ready to go back, and I am this close to panic attacks over the whole business! I don't think I was cut out for a job that has summer breaks.

Mrs. C. said...

Mmmph. I had a regular parade of kids going out one day when I was subbing, with a mysterious stomach problem. After about six kids had gone to the office and come back the principal arrived to say that no one else would be admitted to the office with sub-itis, unless they would like for HIM to come be my co-teacher for the rest of the day.

Instant healing...

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PhilB said...

I love the kid stories!!!

Thanks for the laughs,


*Akilah Sakai* said...

"Fwode up" is adorable.

Unknown said...

Ha! Can't wait to hear those excuses!

SkylersDad said...

My fav was I'm leaking plasma! Somebody is a trek fan.

Stesha said...

My right eye is blinking? Have you been talking with one of my kids? LOL!

Hugs and Mocha,

Desert Songbird said...

See, now I was told to avoid sharing hair brushes and hats with my friends so that I wouldn't get mice in my hair.

Samantha said...

I love these!!! "I'm leaking plasma" priceless!

Fragrant Liar said...

Ha! My right eye is leaking too. Along with my left. Allergies, man!

Sharon Rose said...

Children say the cutest things.
I found a notebook of the funny stuff my siblings and I said when we were little.

Mom made a note that when I said my night time prayers, I prayed for her Godson. I said, "and God bless Greg. He has the mumps on the other side."

Diane J. said...

Those are good, love the "I'm leaking plasma" one.

The school nurse called me once and told me that my son and cut his head. He ran into a brick wall. Yes, leave it to one of my boys to run head on into a brick wall.

Brenda Susan said...

Hahahahaha! These are all wonderful, thanks for sharing! Now get back to work so we can laugh some more!

Chris said...

My favorite happened last year:

"I god a peddy id by dose."

"You have what?"

"A peddy id by dose!"

Sure enough, the kid had a penny in his nose. The paramedics had to be called to extract Mr. Lincoln from the nostril. It was a boogery mess.

School nurses have a fun job, don't they?

Sprite's Keeper said...

Hee hee!
I can't wait until Sprite comes up with her own creative nurse requests!

the mama bird diaries said...

I am always amazed at the instant sobbing that occurs when my girls "hurt" themselves. Always worth a bandaid on an invisible wound.

b. luis grey said...

I burst out laughing out loud while rolling on the couch.

I have jam on my toes.

b. luis grey said...

You were correct about Jeff's post today. Cheers.

Beth said...

Hilarious! We had one the other day with "fwee" bites. The family took in a baby possum who had fleas who feasted on the young child. I still don't know what to make of that story.

Alan Burnett said...

Great to find your blog too. I love the school nurse quotes. I will return.

Melissa B. said...

What a coincidence! I had a crustacean in my eye at the beach last week...BTW, Mrs. Scribe has just named you a Superior Scribbler. Please come by to collect your accolades!

Unknown said...

"My lips are tired." LMAO at that one, but they're all fantastic!

Today am announcing a FUN giveaway thingie on my post which will begin next Monday... come visit and see what I'm talking about!

peewee said...

ah, to be 3 and regular again.
sigh. back to the metamucil.

Deb said...

OMG I needed that laugh!

Anonymous said...