10/8/09

I've fallen and I can't get up...


Things I learned in Kindergarten today. (Here in Smythe, Oregon.)

1. When you find a cool play tool collection at a yard sale, make sure you remove the batteries from the FIVE assorted power tools that make loud noises for ALL of the 30 minutes of Free Play.

2. If a boy who has been out for four days comes to school basically because it’s his birthday, odds are GREAT that he will throw up all over the floor at the painting center. Twice.

3. Don’t wear gorgeous clogs to school if you think perhaps you might have to run with a garbage can.

4. When an adorable girl comes to you with something in her fingers during read aloud, don’t assume it’s one of the thousand staples they pick up daily off the carpet and thrust into your face. The blood around her lips might give you a clue about what she is holding.

5. When pumping gas at the end of the day at the local Uni-Mart (the one CROWDED with cars and people) don’t try to jump the hose that connects the pump to your gas tank. You probably won’t jump high enough and will land FLAT ON YOUR FACE in front of God, the billion other friends and neighbors getting gas, and the kid in your class who was sitting in the car at the next pump watching you (Guess what HE’LL be sharing at telling sharing tomorrow.)

OMG, I am still laughing about that. I fell FLAT ON MY FACE people. Have I told you I used to be a gymnast? HAVE I?


Man, You can’t take me anywhere.

69 comments:

Secretia said...

You are funny as hell!

Snappy Di said...

OUCH! Hope you weren't hurt!

Midwest Mommy said...

I believe gas stations have security cameras. I would like to see this, lol

Coffee with Cathy said...

I've found it smart to always -- well, usually -- take your advice, Deborah!

Jeff D'Antonio said...

All in a day's work. My kids play with REAL power tools, and when someone loses a tooth it's usually the result of a fight in the hallway between classes.

And the gas station thing? I'm still laughing. I want to see the video... :)

Elaine said...

You JUMPED over it? Did you forget what birthday you just had? I guess it proves you are only as "old" as you feel . . . that is until you are rudely reminded by falling flat on your face!! Hope you are ok gf.

ToyLady said...

Oh dear! When I got to the gas-pumping story, I was thinking to myself "Didn't she used to be a gymnast?"

But I didn't like to say anything . . .

The Peach Tart said...

I've done the gas pump thing too. Most embarrassing.

The Good Cook said...

This is why in New Jersey it is illegal to pump your own gas. I think middle aged women lobbied long and hard for that law.

Did you have your gorgeous new clogs on while jumping?

Joanie M said...

but did you land gracefully?

Vodka Logic said...

And 5 more reasons why I couldn't be a teachers and why I give kudos to those that are.
xx

Frau said...

Good lessons especially on the jumping part...skills still required!

Live.Love.Eat said...

OMG, #5 would have me mortified!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There's falling and then there's FALLING. Sounds like yours was the latter and quite the doozy!

Maelstrom said...

Please reenact the gas pump thing and post on youtube.

CSY said...

I sympathize with you, VM. I was just WALKING along the sidewalk and BAM! Right down on my knee...I haven't had a scraped knee since I was 12...25 years!!! Now I have 2 scars on my knee! I'm just glad I didn't rip my favorite jeans and yes, I still find myself giggling over it. Glad you're feeling better!

Gaston Studio said...

Okay, that was a real "wake up" post for me! Still laughing...

the mama bird diaries said...

Ouch. Sorry about the fall.

Anne said...

Crack-me-up! I've heard about fuel spills, but those are the ones you are supposed to sprinkle with cat litter. No one threw cat litter on you did they?

Grace Matthews said...

What was the name of that gas station again? I wonder if they'll sell me the surveillance tape so I can put it on You-Tube. It just might be the break I have been looking for...LOL

Christy said...

OMG your life is funnier than a movie. It should BE a movie!

Tara@Sticky Fingers said...

Fantastic kids. They probably think of you as that funny lady who entertains us by making herself fall over for us.

Was going to pass on a new meme (new because I invented it) to you but knowing you, you'd pass it on to the whole class and then it would become this massive thing and you'd never speak to me again.
So I didn't.
Could still change my mind though . . .

American in Norway said...

LMAO...at least you can laugh about it...: ) -made me smile!

Alix said...

Whoopsie.

But I bet you fell with grace, style and dignity, gorgeous clogs in the air.

Middle Aged Woman said...

Number 4? I was thinking 'booger.'

CatLadyLarew said...

Some days are just better than others! And did the gasoline line get pulled out of the car so it started spewing flammables all over you?
I think kids interrupting story time to hand you a stray staple they picked out of the carpet is a classic. I don't know how many times a day that happened in my class!

Mrs. D said...

You should have turned the fall into a diveroll and then announced: "And I'm 50!", a la Molly Shannon.

WeaselMomma said...

I'd take you everywhere and am sure I'd have a blast! Especially if I got to watch you fall all around stone cold sober! Wait, you never stated that you were actually sober =)

for a different kind of girl said...

Oh...ha! Next time you'll stick that landing! The upside? Tomorrow's Friday! Yeah!

Desert Songbird said...

Don't you just LOVE being a teacher to wee ones? *grin*

Cowguy said...

*bumps fists with you*

Shake and bake! Welcome to the clan of gas hose trippers! The secret society ring is in the mail.

Stereos and Souffles said...

You feel gracefully, right?

Brian Miller said...

did you see the video on youtube, your kindergartener too with his iPhone...lol. nice jump...kinda groww day, vomit in the paint and blood on the lips what kinda place you running there...smiles.

Tammy Howard said...

It's funny cause - Oh, shit, man - it's funny!

SkylersDad said...

Are you OK after the run-in with the gas pump? They can be devious...

Sue said...

I laugh my ass off when people fall! I know it's mean, but come on, it is damn funny. I'm so sorry I missed your stunt!

CK Lunchbox said...

Well, yeah, that is embarrassing, but if you drove off with the nozzle still in your gas tank that might trump it. My uncle's done it. When he show'd me, I asked why he didn't take it back to the gas station to which he replied, "It's the second time I've done this at that station."

The Grandpa said...

All worth well lessons to learn. I'm always tempted to jump the hose. Guess I won't do it now.

Poppy said...

You fell on your face, lol, I know exactly how that feels since I often trip over my shadow or over the white line on the road. :))

Sprite's Keeper said...

Ack! Hopefully, you're okay and YOUR CLOGS are okay! Priorities, you know.. xoxo

Linda said...

With that many witnesses, I guess you couldn't do the "that never happened" recovery, huh?

Keyona said...

Ouch. That is funny. But ouch.

Janie Woods said...

Can I take you out just for entertainment purposes?? You could be like a party game! "Ok, what do we have that she can jump over next??? The PIANO!! YESSS!!" Maybe stick to limbo...as long as you wear panties...

we_be_toys said...

I think they set up that gas hose to be just at the level where you think you can jump it (gymnast or not), but where it still grabs you and flings you to the ground. I DO hope you got up and bowed, or at least flung your arms up, like it was the end of your routine!

And the rest? All damn fine reasons why I'm not cut out to be a Kindergarten teacher. Little kids are cute, but Soooo gross!

mo.stoneskin said...

Clogs? Are you Dutch?

Real Live Lesbian said...

Clogs and jumping never mix. ;)

SSP said...

gawd, i hope you didn't end up holding YOUR bloody teeth in your hands!!! and I am really sore and hope you weren't hurt, but you KNOW I would have been one of the people tittering behind their hands.....sorry....it's funny when someone else falls (as long as they aren't like, not moving, when they land....

Cora said...

So gymnasts don't always land on their feet, eh?

staceyjwarner said...

OMG! I have the hardest time not laughing when people fall...were you wearing the clogs? Yikes! Did you laugh? I hate to say it but I probably would have laughed. Does that make me a bad person?

Rachel Cotterill said...

Jumping over stuff is never a good plan. Never. Really. (I fall over a lot...)

Loukia said...

You are hilarious!

Ladybird World Mother said...

Mmmmm. done that. The jumping thing. Ouch. Which bit did you land on and was it soft? xx

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

You fell? In the gorgeous clogs?
I'm sorry but that makes me a little happy (so long as NO ONE GOT HURT, do I make myself clear?). Usually it is me doing the falling on her ass in front of a crowd. And all that smiling and acting like, oh, isn't this funny, ha ha, when really I want to crawl in a hole, is much more fun when you're not the only one. Thanks for sharing.

adrienne said...

Wait. Running around in the gorgeous clogs wasn't bad enough, you tried jumping in them, too? Put those pretty things on a shelf where they belong.

A Mom on Spin said...

Did you knock you tooth out when you fell???

Vodka Mom said...

just for the RECORD, I laid on the ground laughing and laughing. When Golden Boy looked out the window and yelled, "Mom, what are you doing down THERE?" I LAUGHED again!!!

hahaha

Irish Gumbo said...

You shouldn't wear clogs when trying to jump gas hoses, either...but I suspect you know that now.

BTW, are you are alright? Are the clogs alright? :)

KJ said...

they may have that fall on a camera some where...you better be checking You Tube in the future under "what people will try to do" HA!

Anna See said...

glad you didn't lose a tooth, too!

Jeve (aka John and Steve) said...

You're a riot! Man, hope you're ok.

♥ Braja said...

Oh...dear....so....the Profile Pic i have on my site is dedicated to you....I wrote the line under it months ago after the accident...but trust me, it's all yours today :)))
xoxoxo

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Note to self - keep up the good work on not trying to jump over things. No good will come of it.

Anonymous said...

Ha! I can compete with that one ...yesterday I rode my bike to work and since it was soooo cold I put the hard boiled egg I made for breakfast in the cargo pocket of my capris...it was warm and all...and I was sooo busy before school that I didn't eat and then forgot about the egg...until we did calendar and I reached into my pocket after feeling a "bump" there...I told the kindergartners..."Guess what is in my pocket?" ...I was almost too embarrassed to confess to 5 year olds!

TGIF!
lMnop

LadyFi said...

Ooops - tip # 10: Don't wear cool clogs to the gas station in case you try to jump and end up flat on your face...

Jan said...

My gawd, that sounds like something I'd do. Only I was never a gymnast.

Deb Thaxton said...

-->OMG - - Thank you for the mental image of you falling down. I have long legs but still NEVER go over the pump because I'm afraid I'll do the SAME THING.

~deb
http://www.websavymom.com

Diane J. said...

You are so damn (pardon the french) funny! When I'm feeling blue, your site is where I go.

anymommy said...

Falling flat on our faces keeps us honest. Swear it's true.

Mrs. K said...

i don't climb over that hose- EVER because when i was little, my foot got caught while doing chinese jump rope and since then- i just won't do it.

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