1/19/10

Take cover, she's gonna BLOW!


Dear Dr. Jones:

Yes, you’ve been our pediatrician for, oh, let’s say at LEAST 17 years. You were there when our darling Sassy kept me awake for the first six months of her life with the nastiest case of colic I have EVER seen. And she’s been loud ever since.

However, a 17 year old girl is even MORE enjoyable when you throw in a large dose of PCOS. For those of you out there who might NOT have medical degrees, this condition involves your ovaries, and let’s just say it keeps the poor girl in a perpetual state of PMS. (raging.)

Then, to add cherries to the already iced cake, you decided to prescribe a lovely steroid to finally knock out that nasty sinus infection that, after three different meds, she couldn’t shake.

The medicine should have come with a warning for the family. PROCEED WITH CAUTION, is what I recommend. Or even TAKE COVER. Oh, and a LARGE dose of valium for all family members who might come in contact with her, no matter how hard they try to avoid her.

Now if you’ll excuse me, her father, sister, brother, two dogs and I will be hiding under the oak desk in the basement office. Knock three times and shout “Ollie ollie in come free” and we MIGHT unlock the door.




(Frankly, I’d rather face Tightwad after an 18 point turn.)





(and for those of you chained to your computer by a mad intruder who is forcing you to read blogs, you COULD go over here and vote. They let you vote every dang DAY. So I heard.)

44 comments:

バックリンク said...

Blow up???

3 Men and a Lady said...

So glad I will have teen boys, not teen girls.... lol

Frau said...

I'm surprised your pharmacist didn't warn you! I hope she calms down soon...the basement can be a scary place to live.

Captain Dumbass said...

Does her head spin around?

PurestGreen said...

She should avoid processed sugar, dairy and wheat. I have pcos and a lot of it has to do with blood sugar, as it is related to diabetes. There is a book called The Natural Diet Solution for PCOS and Infertility, which I have found helpful. If she knows what to do know, it will help her as she gets older.

Mad Woman said...

PCOS sucks. I hate it. And the drug reactions? Worse. I think. Hope she's better to be around sooN!

NorthWestLondonGirlInTheCountry said...

Oh dear, stay calm, and keep her off sugar xx

Secretia said...

When we were teenagers, we made it easy for our parents, right?

Secretia

Irish Gumbo said...

I wondered where all that hollering was coming from...

Brian Miller said...

yep, i will keep my ER visits for doing stupid things...

Alix said...

The joys of womanhood.

Scope said...

Aren't the wrong family members getting locked in the basement?

Gaston Studio said...

I so agree with Scope... definitely the wrong ones are being held hostage.

Sue said...

You are moving up the voting chart. Why don't you threaten to sick Sassy on anyone who doesn't vote every day for you? That would make me vote!!!!

Hope you have snacks under the table! (And vodka)

Southern Belle Mama said...

Poor Sassy...poor family! Hope you guys make it through okay. :)

mo.stoneskin said...

"Ollie ollie in come free”

"Ollie ollie in come free”

Vodka?

"Ollie ollie in come free”

Bloody Hell, I don't have all day you know.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Oh, been there. Actually been there a lot. But minus the steroids; that can't be pretty. Hormonal teenage girls....what WAS God thinking???

Melinda said...

PCOS is horrible. The only thing that helps me feel normal is taking birth control pills. Poor Sassy. I hope that some day (long from now for your sake) when she is married and ready to have kids that PCOS doesn't make it too difficult for her. It took my husband and I 5 years to get pregnant.

Jeff D'Antonio said...

Dang it, there you go again with your scary teenage girl stories. Teenage girl on STEROIDS, no less. Jeez.

I have three girls. Two of them will be teenagers soon. My time is running out. I just can't believe my sweet, quiet, kind, loving girls are soon going to turn into GIANT RAGING PMS MONSTERS. On Steroids.

I'm gonna have to start drinking again.

Snappy Di said...

You may want to stay under that desk until she celebrates her 30th birthday... then enjoy a few year with her before menopause hits. HA!

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

Scobberlotcher said...

I'm never sure if your mom/teen experiences are preparing me or scaring me. Oy!

Emma said...

Oh how I hope the next one is another boy!
I dread the thought of a teenage girl,especially if she was to be anything like I was!!

phd in yogurtry said...

Uh oh, steroid rage. You might want to look in an Army/Navy store for some discarded IED protection -- the domestic version being Intermittent Explosive Diva.

SkylersDad said...

Wow, just wow. I dont know how you do it.

Steven Anthony said...

sounds like a party at your house ;)

Jan said...

Ah - Prednisone. The main ingredient to Linda Blair impressions across the country.

Is she eating you out of house and home, too?

suzicate said...

PMS and meds, could be a lethal mix...not for her, but those of you who have to endure it. Sometimes my husband has to take steroids for his back and it makes him mean! Of course, I tell him this so he tries extra hard just to prove me wrong...works for me!

Stefanie said...

If I lived closer I would bring you dinner because that is what good people door when others are suffering. Of course, I would leave it at the end of the driveway because while I am good people, I am no fool. Good Luck.

Joanie M said...

Oh Yikes!! That's a triple threat!!! Good luck with it!

Carolyn...Online said...

Hmmm so she's in perpetual PMS and now has 'roid rage. Awesome.

justsomethoughts... said...

no oxen, huh...

well, hope she feels alot better soon.
very soon
if not, you can come eat dinner at my place

Anne said...

Don't listen to your sister (all the time) I don't. I do love the funny stuff but your 'other' stuff reminds me that you are real!

Not The Rockefellers said...

sounds like an excellent time for one of those eff-off huts like they use in Africa! :)

Peace ~ Rene

Merrily Down the Stream said...

Lord have mercy, my sister has PCOS. That is why she lives in Chicago and I live in the Deep South. I find moving in the middle of the night to be a great way to avoid these unfortunate women. :D

Bano said...

A friend of my has PCOS. I can't believe your daughter has it. So young and already suffering from a sometimes painful condition. Sorry to hear that! (And sorry for the pain you must endure as a result!)

Ellie Belen said...

Every time I think I've missed out not having a daughter, I read your blog. It puts things in perspective for me. LOL.

Tortuga said...

Ooo the poor baby. I have, well had, PCOS until Monday when they removed my offending womanly parts. It is a horrible way to feel, knowing that you're a constant PITA to everyone and not being able to do anything about it. There were days I hated myself for being so mean to my loved ones. I will pray for you and your family, it's hard on everyone.

publicknitting said...

I love how you talk about being a mom in such a real way.

publicknitting said...

I love how you talk about being a mom in such a real way.

Fiftiesmom said...

I love how you can make me cry one day and then turn around and make me laugh! By the way, can you make room under that desk for my husband, son and I? Our version of Sassy and Bitchy are at war- apparently someone wore someone else's earrings without asking which naturally provoked an argument complete with hair pulling and language that would make a sailor blush. Of course, the "victim" was wearing the jewelry thief's shirt at the time!

Ann's Rants said...

Better call in the porky pines ;)

kristi said...

OMG..that on top of hormones....ahhhhhhhhhh.

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