I got your ball, right here.

Dear Golden Boy,

Well, thanks to your antics Friday night, I’m gonna have to email at least 1476 people and let them know that I was MISTAKEN when I might have said a gazillion times that boys are easier than girls.

Yeah. When you FIRST gave me the silent treatment (a little slice of heaven, I must say) and then started whining like one of your sisters, and climaxed the whole angry event with a ranting and raving befitting an experienced teenage girl, I almost laughed out LOUD. If I hadn’t been so shocked and exhausted I might have just done that.

Let’s make a few things clear right now.

ONE: Promises are meant to be broken, and most likely WILL BE. Get used to it.

TWO: When you convince me to somehow nod in your direction when I am having a heated “discussion” with your older sister about her TATTOO, that does NOT A PROMISE MAKE. A nod is NOT a promise. Unless I actually utter the words I PROMISE, it is not one.

THREE: You do NOT need another official NBA basketball. There are SIX (six, people) laying around that mud pit you call a basketball court. Now, they may not ALL belong to us, but they all seem to bounce well enough to keep the neighbors, your father, your mother and your dogs constantly annoyed.

Oh, and FOUR: When your father walks in on our “discussion”, don’t pull the “I don’t know WHAT she’s talking about” card. He’s been down this road with me before- and the third time’s the charm. (And that “worst parents in the whole wide world comment? It had us laughing for hours. OMG I am still chuckling about THAT one.)

Sweet Jesus it was almost enough to get me drinking again.


Jules AF said...

Worst parents in the world? Hahaha

Boozy Tooth said...

Wait!! You mean you quit drinking??? What rock am I living under?

Vodka Mom said...

Did I forget to mention that?

Megan said...

Man... it's hilarious how kids think we were born yeaterday.

Pseudo said...

So what are you going to change your blog name to...

PS I think I'll stick my boy in the room with you and yours. You are GOOD.

Vodka Mom said...

The name stays. :-) I'm too tired to start all over again!

x said...

Oh my head.

Michele said...

Fine time to give up drinking!

Boys come complete with their own set of issues. Mostly, culminating in grunting, swearing, and smell. One word of advice...be specific...they tend to be literal creatures. So when they say they will be with (insert best friend's name here) what they mean is that they will be with them but they (said friend and boy) will be somewhere where you don't want them to be. "But Mom! I told you I'd be with Sam. Can I help it if Sam was at the local drug house?"

Anonymous said...

when, why.....no more vodka???

Notes From ABroad said...

Even if you drink, you can still say you will start drinking again ..

I say it all the time and I never quit.

I just say "This is enough to make me start drinking".. ( it could mean Start drinking this month ...)

I sound like a lush .. I'm not, my husband is ... no, no, lol, not really, but the dog is .. definitely.

I had a daughter first then my son.
Boys are easier... at various times, whereas my daughter was never easy.
Thank god they both grew up in one piece and both of them are Easy now :)

Anonymous said...

HA...there are two boys in the Kindergarten class at Gracee's school that make me drop to my knees and thank sweet Jesus that library HOUR is over and that I have a girl! They eat boogies(helped me get my gag reflex under control..hmmm!) and lick the floor..I kid you not!

Fragrant Liar said...


Surely the kid's lucky number is 7?

Lori P said...

apparently we are on the same bad karma wave this weekend. i just blogged about our argumentative day.

already had my wine for the evening. :/

Lynn said...

Been there,
Done that,
Glad it's over.

Suburban Correspondent said...

Of course you are not the worst parents in the world - we are.

Alyson Enola said...

Thanks for the laugh. It made my day! My son is not speaking to me but in a not refreshing way.

Captain Dumbass said...

Hold on, I thought I was the worst parent in the whole world?

Just Words On A Page said...

I got myself a boy as well. He's 9, but Oh Lord does he keep me on my toes. And sassy. If I had talked the way to my folks the way he tries to talk to me I'd have been picking myself up off the floor many times over. You have my empathy and sympathy.

Unknown said...

Oh what I have to look forward to - with two girls. And people keep asking, "Oh are you going to try for a boy?" They must be nuts.

Gayle said...

Just wait until he realizes he is bigger...and stronger than you. Then the rules change. You'll still have the upper hand, but the rules change.

Sweet Jesus think of all the money you are saving. Envious.

only a movie said...

Invite him over here. I spent the entire weekend in stand-off mode w/ the grounded teenager. Wicked. Fun.

Anonymous said...

Kids will stay up late scheming how to trick their parents.


ToyLady said...

My boy is 21. And now he's talking about shaving his head and tattooing his scalp.

It's still a world of improvement over the past decade. And a half.


I don't even care anymore.

mo.stoneskin said...

So your entire family is soon to be tattooed to the hilt? Ah well, I'd go with the flow if I were you. How about getting a cute dolphin on your neck? Or, I dunno, a skull 'n' cross-bones?

The Good Cook said...

Wait, you quit drinking? What did I miss? And by the way, my husband and I are the worst parents in the world. Ask anyone of my teenagers.

And wait, you quit drinking?

Vodka Logic said...

I missed the quit drinking too.. can I have you leftover vodka please :)

justmakingourway said...

Don't think you get to stand on that "worst parent" pedestal by yourself you know. I'll give you a hand up though.

Lorraine said...

I swore our son was training to be a CIA agent at times. No comments on anything, just grunts, and the obligatory one word answers, and don't dare ask more than three questions or you were a gonner. But when he got upset, it was like someone unleashed a volcano because he kept it all in. Yeah, I would have much rather had the daily back-and-forth than the pent up explosion.

CSY said...

You can't be the worst parents in the world! I have it on GOOD authority that hubs and I are the worst parents in the world...My name is Crystal and I'm (one of) the worst parent(s) in the world...

Ellie Belen Ambrose said...

It's amazing, but at a certain age, boys become lawyers. If they could sue they would for breach of promise.

Another one is when they say, "But you didn't tell me NOT to." or

"You said you didn't want me to go out to Carl's. I went to Jim's instead," when what you really wanted is for him not to go out at all.

Ashley King said...


how old is your son? 11?

Unknown said...

Wow ... why don't you run for office ;-)

Grace's Mom said...

Well, if you're going to get the title of "Worst Parents Ever," I certainly hope you're earning it!

Anna Whiston-Donaldson said...

he is so not going to win this one!

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Ummm, you can't be the "worst parents in the world," I'm afraid. We already are over here. Sorry.

Iva Messy said...

LOL!!! SO funny!! HAHHA... and we have about 42384890238423034092348394089435 basketballs all over the house. then again, my husband is a basketball player so that sorta explains that LOL ;) Enjoy the all the bballs! {even the ones that may or may not be yours ;)}

Elaine said...

Takes me back to when my oldest was this age . . . HAD to have a NEW basketball (2 weeks before Christmas) but of course he was too old to pull the old "you have to ask Santa" routine. So, after a huge snow storm I got home, went and sat next to him on the couch and lovingly said "Honey I got you an early Christmas present. It is in the back seat of the car, and you can use it right away." Boy was he ever bummed to run down to the garage and find a SNOW SHOVEL!!!

Joanie said...

Lent is nearly over.

Scope said...

And who says his sisters aren't good role models?

Cora said...

Wait-- VODKA Mom stopped DRINKING????


http://howtobecomeacatladywithoutthecats.blogspot.com said...

Lucky you! Kids all day and then home to your own. Leaves you never at a loss for something to write about.

Life is good!

Rachel said...

I quit drinking.....for 40 days. Hurry up Easter!!!!!

Notes From ABroad said...

This was good enough to read twice.
Then this morning I read it to my husband... there is still some memory of times we cal relate to this very well ... so this is good enough to read Three times and still laugh .. "sweet jesus it is almost enough to get me drinking again " .... ( the mantra of all parents, I believe )

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