This is a little heads-up to all parents who have ANY hopes that their children MIGHT be going away to college some day. (Guess what, that day DOES come. I'm getting the party hats ready as we speak.)
Here are the things you will need; pay close attention.
1. The BIG book of passwords. This will hold the password to your child’s PIN, your PIN, your husband’s PIN, your grandmother’s PIN and your dog’s PIN. You will need them all and then some before you are done.
2. At least four pair of reading glasses. You will need back-ups, as you will surely fling them across the room as you try to read the fine print about signing your life away. (Oh hell, just sign the damn thing. But don't forget your PIN. THAT's how you SIGN. And good luck collecting that money some day. Yeah, just give me a call. )
3. The stack of W-2’s; make sure you have yours, your spouse’s, your child’s your grandmother’s and your dog’s. And a calculator. Or two.
4. This is the folder of ALL your investments. (Or lack thereof.) You might have to list them. (I guess some people actually HAVE investments. huh.)
5. Vodka. You will need this at about page five zillion.
6. Vodka. See above.
7. Keys to the poor house; it’s your home for the next four to EIGHT years – depending on how many children you have that can actually get IN to college.
Oh, and don’t forget to save up for the senior year. THAT list of vital purchases is coming shortly; after I recover from this most recent “things I do for my children” episode.
And that phone that's ringing? Just ignore it.