It was Saturday night. I was comfy cozy in my nightgown, standing in the kitchen cleaning up when Bitchy walked in.
“What is THAT on your BACK?”
I didn’t know what she was talking about, and she reached up and started poking at something beneath my shoulder blade.
“It’s a HUGE lump on your back. Gross!”
As most of you know, yelling is not an uncommon occurrence in our house, but this particular commotion caused the troops to rally. Each person felt the need to poke and prod this five THOUSAND pound bump on my back. After employing an amazing Elasta-girl technique, I managed to actually locate the lump.
It felt pretty big.
I tried not to panic, and this morning called my doctor to have it checked. Fortunately, they took me right away.
“It’s called a lipoma,” Dr. SmytheJones said. “Basically, it’s a fatty cyst. And it’s pretty big.”
“Great. It couldn’t be called something like ‘hot middle-aged woman' cyst.”
“A sense of humor! That’s good.” He said, as he smiled and filled me in. Tomorrow I have a sonogram to determine if the cyst is close enough to the surface to allow the procedure to be done in the office, and then we will schedule the "dig".
And frankly, since he felt the need to say fatty, ultrasound, middle-aged and surgery, I think I’m going to insist upon a little lipo and a lift for the twins. Then we’ll call it even.
The fact that I might lose about 10 ounces of fatty cyst? At this point ANY form a weight loss is a bonus.