8/2/10

What's that you're hiding under your shirt?


It was Saturday night. I was comfy cozy in my nightgown, standing in the kitchen cleaning up when Bitchy walked in.


“What is THAT on your BACK?”


I didn’t know what she was talking about, and she reached up and started poking at something beneath my shoulder blade.

“It’s a HUGE lump on your back. Gross!”

As most of you know, yelling is not an uncommon occurrence in our house, but this particular commotion caused the troops to rally. Each person felt the need to poke and prod this five THOUSAND pound bump on my back. After employing an amazing Elasta-girl technique, I managed to actually locate the lump.


It felt pretty big.


I tried not to panic, and this morning called my doctor to have it checked. Fortunately, they took me right away.


“It’s called a lipoma,” Dr. SmytheJones said. “Basically, it’s a fatty cyst. And it’s pretty big.”


“Great. It couldn’t be called something like ‘hot middle-aged woman' cyst.”


“A sense of humor! That’s good.” He said, as he smiled and filled me in. Tomorrow I have a sonogram to determine if the cyst is close enough to the surface to allow the procedure to be done in the office, and then we will schedule the "dig".


And frankly, since he felt the need to say fatty, ultrasound, middle-aged and surgery, I think I’m going to insist upon a little lipo and a lift for the twins. Then we’ll call it even.


The fact that I might lose about 10 ounces of fatty cyst? At this point ANY form a weight loss is a bonus.




38 comments:

Velma said...

Oh, man. Just what you need, huh? See you soon!

Gigi said...

Am totally convinced the guys (and they are guys) that come up with the names for these ailments aren't married. Good luck tomorrow - will have you in my thoughts.

Erika Jean said...

Do your self a favor and DON'T YouTube people taking care of their own cysts!!

My friend had one "dug" out, she said it stunkkkk!

Unknown said...

your genius just can't be contained any longer, it's finding any way out :)

Relax...everything's gonna be fine

Peace Rene

Brian Miller said...

got you in my thoughts and prayers VM...you will do fine...

Just Two Chicks said...

Ughhh! I have one of those too! I went to the doctor a few months ago for this nasty "bump" on my arm. It's not big, but a bit bothersome at times. He told me the same thing, but said I didn't need to have it removed unless I wanted to. I opted out on that for now. :)

SkylersDad said...

Those things are a piece of cake to remove, so don't worry about...


Mmmm, cake!

Now where was I?

Jules AF said...

A cyst? Yikes.

Michele said...

I've got one of those on one of the twins. Not one doctor has offered to dig it out. I'm not even sure I'd let them. I need all the help I can get.

NadiaEcho said...

Oh man, that doesn't sound to good...

Scope said...

Would "Back B(.)(.)B" be better?

Casey Freeland said...

You should let it grow. In a couple of years maybe it will become sentient. Then it can be your cyst sista. (That joke was not funny enough for the lengthy set up. Just pretend I didn't say anything.)

Casey

Susan Higgins said...

My husband had a really big one on his back ... He visualized it draining. It did with some coaxing... It went away. That was a few years ago. I gave him reiki over the site, every one can do it, we all have the power to heal when we believe that we can.

Good luck with what you decide, do what feels right to you, but weigh all options.

Amy said...

I use to have a fatty cyst in my head.. I called it my Unicorn bump, had all my brats (7) conviced, I was a unicorn with magical powers.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

My neighbor gets those (I've seen one on his arm). The most important thing is that they have nothing to do with cancerous tumors! On the down side - I guess that backless dress is out for the BlogHer parties...

Vodka Logic said...

Good luck.. and they may have yelled but at least the kids are looking out for you...... I think.

WeaselMomma said...

I hope this is taken care of quick and easy. Good luck.

Akum said...

The twins! You man will be excited to hear that

Birdman said...

Hey, this isn't going to be the latest 'weight-loss' diet craze, is it? You might have stumbled onto something. Well, think positive. Lbs are lbs!

EGB said...

Hopefully there's valium involved somewhere in the ordeal. No worries. Good Luck!

Notes From ABroad said...

Did the doctor mention that After having a fatty cyst removed you are unable to do the following ..
1- do dishes
2- cook
3- vacuum
4 - cook
.......?
Best of luck, from someone who has had a variety of Things cut off my body- I hope yours goes as easily as mine. And no scars !! although that is a location where it would not really matter.. <3

Empress Bee (of the high sea) said...

he really said "dig"? nice of him. at least he didn't say gouge, right?

smiles, bee
xxoxoxoxoxoxo

or ream. ps

Cora said...

"Fatty cyst" - I think I would have decked him!

Or at least burned him with a glowering "I know you are but what am I?"

As Cape Cod Turns said...

I will make sure not to pat you on the back when I see you.
Sorry about that, just what you need, another thing to worry about.
But yay for a 10 oz weight loss!

Anna Whiston-Donaldson said...

Oh my. Glad to see your daugther is watching your back.

See you soon!
xo

Otter Thomas said...

Good luck with the procedure. I had a couple cysts cut of my leg a few years back. They called them fibrous tumors or something like that. I am sure it will be no big deal.

noexcuses said...

It really helps to be able to laugh about it, doesn't it? I'll be thinking about you. Keep us posted!


"what hump?"

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I am glad that Bitchy was paying attention! Wonder how long it has been there? Wonder why no one noticed it sooner......... and I am right there with you with the lipo, etc. I asked for a tummy tuck to accompany my gall bladder removal. They laughed, I was serious!

Joanna Jenkins said...

I yiyi, it's it's not one thing it's your daughter. So sorry VM. Hope it's fast, easy and pain-free. Then again if you get the bonus surgery you mentioned I want one too.

I'm cheering you on.
xo jj

jessica said...

in addition to the cyst removal you can do The Fat Smash Diet. i'm not a dieter but i am an eater and just lost 20 lbs (i thought 20 lbs would look a lot different!! i'm happy and feel good but i thought i'd look like kate moss and i don't!) It's so good and sensible. i guess i just needed someone to tell me what to eat or not eat (even though i know already) and i actually got through it and if i can do it you can too!!
p.s. i eat like a 4 yr old- mac & cheese and potato chips so the diet was def hard for me but i did it and i feel like the jehovah's witness of the fat smash because i tell everyone i know about it!

Ladybird World Mother said...

How very dare he say Fatty. Honestly, you can tell a man made all these words up. xx

cheatymoon said...

Good luck with it, VM.
I had one last year and was sure it was skin cancer. Didn't get it removed, it's completely fine.

Missy said...

Hope it does not hurt! I had cort shots today and they hurt!

Anonymous said...

你打死不承認你的外遇,甚至出手打我,抓姦也要在床是嗎?
真的要抓姦在床你才肯承認自己的背叛?我想要抓姦
不僅僅是為了讓你啞口無言,抓姦也是為了要讓自己出一口氣!
我想要抓姦,我想要讓你知道,外遇不是沒有代價的!

Anonymous said...

這麼久了,他過得好嗎?
這個問題在我心中多年縈繞不去,於是我找上徵信社協助我尋人。
我和他是大學同學,之後由於某些原因失去聯繫,
我把所知的資料全都給徵信社,希望徵信社能為我帶來好消息...
兩個禮拜之後,徵信社就幫我找到人了,很遺憾的是,他已經結婚了...
我不後悔找徵信社尋人,雖然難捨落寞,但是我還是很高興的知道他過的很幸福!

Meathead said...

Lovely. I have one on my shin. My doc called it a "fat deposit". I was like, "Dude. If that's called a fat deposit, what's the rest of me called?
Good luck and take care!

Sara said...

Fatty cyst? Really? That's the best they could do?

I choose to rename it a Beauty Nugget.

Joanie said...

Hugs!

And please let me know what you find out.