I can’t even blame it on the anesthesia because they didn’t give me any.

I went to the doctor’s office today fully expecting to be sent home. I was told that the fatty lipoma was pretty large, in the chest muscle (in my back-go figure) and I would probably have to have it removed at the surgical center.

I told Tightwad that. I told my co-workers that. I told my sister that. I told myself that.

I was wrong.

“It’s fairly large, but I think we can do it here. Would you like to have it done now, or have us schedule you at the surg-center?” Dr. Seriousness asked, as he stood there with the Physician’s Assistant "student". She was shadowing him for the day, and I think I was part of the show.

“Let’s do it!” I said, hoping to be done with this whole crazy thing.

I was on the table being carved like a tough Thanksgiving Day turkey when the nurse said to the doctor, “She’s a celebrity, you know. She’s the teacher who writes those funny columns for the newspaper! The kindergarten teacher!”

I was laying face down on the table with my head turned, and tried to answer the questions the nurse and the “student doctor” were firing at me in an effort to distract me from the twelve-pound boulder they were trying to YANK from the middle of my back.

The doctor, who I THOUGHT was a bit busy, asked, “Did you ever teach your own children?”

“Hell no!” I replied. “I can barely even LIVE with them.”

I heard the elusive guffaw from stone cold Dr. Seriousness and his loyal nurse; it was music to my ears.

Now, someone pass the Motrin. I’m a WEE bit sore.

(I am thrilled to have been chosen as an "LG TextEd Ambassador" by BlogHer. The fact that the only way we communicate in this house by texting has increased my rep GREATLY over there. Fortunately, there was no spelling test involved, and they don't really know that profanity comprises MOST of the texts. Moms with kids- check it out. You will either be there SOON, or you are already. Never say never people. Haven't you learned a THING over here???)


Maggie May said...

so glad that is over for you.

and you made the doc laugh ;)

Cheryl said...

I ALWAYS check your punctuation you silly woman! I may stop lurking and actually become a follower now that you've become the LG TextEd thingamajig over at BlogHer. Ladida.

Pretty awesome back breast reduction surgery there.

Losing Brownies said...

Ouch, that sounds painful. But hey, your a local celebrity!

Cheryl D. said...

Glad you got the boulder removed! Feel better!

Fragrant Liar said...

They didn't give you anesthesia? That's just cruel.

Did you get to take your 12-pounder home to show off? Kinder Show-and-Tell might have been fun.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

So glad to hear that's all over with and you don't need more serious surgery. But having had a c-section, I think there is something very disconcerting about having surgery while you're awake. I always call it alien abduction surgery.

SkylersDad said...

I am glad that it is taken care of, and I think you should sell it on Ebay.

Lisa said...

I agree with Skyler's Dad. Or you could donate it to a charity auction. You're a celebrity after all! Work it.

Gigi said...

They took it out without anesthesia? I'm thinking you need more than some Motrin. I think a few slugs of vodka might be in order!

Thank goodness that's over with though.

As Cape Cod Turns said...

How many pounds did you lose by having it removed?

I grant you the day off tomorrow.

Feel better my famous friend :)

duffylou said...

Yay! You can put that behind you. Heh.

If it weren't for texting I would never hear from my three 20 something children. Ever. Such are the times and we have to change with them.

Lynn from For Love or Funny said...

Sending a hug - hope you heal quickly!

Suzy said...

No pictures?

Missy said...

Motrin? You need the Hard stuff...

Brian Miller said...

so its gone? yay!

Steven Anthony said...

Im happy its over for you, and you kept your humor intack ;)

Rene/ Not The Rockefellers said...

Wow..you are some kind of woman.

I'm with Suzy, I would have loved a photo or seven.


Bodaciousboomer said...

Congratulations on the good outcome kiddo.

Anna See said...

Hope your healing is going smoothly!

anymommy said...

Whew! So glad it's over and okay and I hope you are going into the weekend feeling much, much better.

Joanna Jenkins said...

They yank a boulder out of you and all you get is Motrin. Sheesh. That does not seen fair at all.

Congrats on the BlogHer gig.

xo jj

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


WeaselMomma said...

Ain't that the truth.

idgtm said...

Wow~ anonymous sure had alot to say this morning.

Glad everything worked out and you're on the road to recovery.

p.s. I bet you feel thinner already without that pesky boulder

a Broad said...

SO Happy to hear that Damned Thing is out of you and now just a good story to tell. ( not at the dinner table).
I text almost as well as ... my dog.
I am glad you made the doctor laugh .. were there cracks on his face after? Oh, you didn't see my doctor.

Anonymous has a sister who has bad credit... or something like that. I have a good translator but even it gets tired with that much script selling so little.

un beso.

SharonKendrew said...

Anesthesia is not all it's cracked up to be... sure the sleeping part is nice but waking up?

Like the Worst. Hangover. Ever. And no good dancing-on-tables stories to offset the day after pain.

the mama bird diaries said...

Feel better girl. So glad you made the doctor laugh.

justmakingourway said...

I think Anonymous said it best.

Hope you are on the mend!