10/27/10

One day at a time. One. Day.


These are difficult and painful times here at the house of vodka, for a myriad of reasons.


Out of respect and love for most of the participants, I will decline from writing about it here.


I will, however, share a thought.


I have been feeling over the years a heavy weight tied to my heart. It has pulled me slowly but surely down deep into an abyss, of which I feared no escape.


Through a great tragedy I was offered a ray of hope. It reminded me that this fragile, wondrous life of ours is short, and the only person steering its course is the captain: yours truly.


Without being aware of my true course, I have taken steps to right my way. I have slowly begun to shed the heavy fingers dragging me towards the bottom, and have realized that with one strong push I might be able to begin the journey to the surface.



And you know what I decided to do?




I pried the last of the fingers away from my heart, and I pushed.






53 comments:

Melisa with one S said...

GO YOU!

And, (((hugs)))

a Broad said...

From what I have learned of you from daily reading everything you write ... and sometimes reading between lines.. I think that what you have been dealing with must be terrible in so many ways but you have that basic goodness inside you that helps fight off the grief and anger and darkness.
I have all kinds of faith in your strength and will to put this behind you.

Some wise old Chinese man said this a long time ago ..'No matter where you go, there you are.' Confucius...
and he was so right. And I think where you are will be a bright and happy place again, soon.
besos

Jeff D'Antonio said...

The single most important thing I've learned in recent years: No matter how dark the night gets, the sun will always rise tomorrow. And with the rising sun will come a new day, and a new chance to live.

Where there is life, there is hope. Keep pushing.

Laura said...

Hugs & Prayers VM! I don't know what is going on, but I'll pray for you. One of MY favorite quotes (& I've found it to be true, no matter how desperate I feel) is "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it" (not sure of the author.

Hang in there!

SARA J. HENRY said...

You know we're here for you.

Everyday Goddess said...

That is the best description of courage I have ever read.

You and your heart will survive, continuing to love.

Namaste, my dear friend.

Captain Dumbass said...

Good for you.

Joanie M said...

You are one brave lady, and that's why we love you so much.

Shannon Tucker Photography said...

Sending ♥♥♥

S

Sue said...

I've been so buried in work, that it seems like I've never had the time to comment on your blog lately. In all my "fun times" (that is a joke) in my life, I never fully understand why, but I always come out right. The hard part is just getting through it. You will be okay though, trust me.

Take care, Sue

duffylou said...

Whatever your demons, it seems like you've made the biggest step to be rid of them forever.
You have a loving family, a myriad a friends and your loyal following to buoy you up whenever it's needed.
Something tells me you've not asked for help in the past, but maybe you'll ask for comfort now and in the future. You are a wonderful human being and deserve the absolute best life has to offer.

Kate said...

When you make the decision to be well, you have taken the hardest step of them all.

Missy said...

Great expression of your feelings! I will be praying for you!

LegalMist said...

I'm so sorry to hear things are difficult and painful, but glad to hear of your hope for a brighter future. I wish you all the best on your "journey to the surface," wherever it may take you.

Steven Anthony said...

BRAVO! (You can't see me right now, but I'm giving you a standing ovation)

Brenda Susan said...

I am so sorry you are having to deal with a difficult thing right now. The Emerson quote caught my eye because this last summer as I walked thru the loss of my job and potentially all my friends, I too had that quote on my fridge as a reminder that what is happening inside me is more important.

May the inner joy and strength be enough to carry you thru this tough time my friend, I am praying for you.

RottenMom said...

Wishing you strength and sending you love to get through what ever is is you are dealing with.

Proud of you for for prying and pushing.

Diane J. said...

Sending thoughts and prayers your way. Keep swimming toward the light.

Cookie Crums said...

I'm more of a lurker than commenter..... I had to respond to this. First, LOVED the quote. I bet many of us needed to read that. Second, I wish you the best and keep pushing through whatever that may be!!!

On a lighter note.... I'm enjoying Frank and Stanley's competition!

Queen-Size funny bone said...

great words and i hope you heart is lighter

Fragrant Liar said...

Free at last?

I hope so, VM.

tamilyn said...

That is one of my favorite quotes. While we don't know what it is you are going through (and it is none of our business) here are virtual hugs to you. May you find the peace and strength you need to get back to you.

The Empress said...

You got me swallowing hard and a bit of teary eyed with my love for you.

I will do anything you need, and anything I can.

And I want to so do something to make things more peaceful and less tumultous for you, b/c you are so full of love for everyone.

You are wonderful.

Can I send you my homemade truffles?

Circle yes or no.

I heart you.

xoxo always

Anna See said...

Love to you, Vodka!

Mommy on the Spot said...

Beautifully written!

SSP said...

prying the fingers away is the hardest part.....are they clinging to you, or are you clinging to them...

"don't look back, don't look down. don't go looking for release....eyes will close, hearts will ease, hands fall helpless...turning to peace"(State of Grace)

Anonymous said...

I am worried about you but hope that you are well or on your way to being well. I don't usually comment but I love the kindergarten stories they make me laugh. Hugs to you

Joanna Jenkins said...

We're all cheering you on.
xo jj

Heidi said...

Such a tragic story, I'm glad you are pulling yourself up and out. That's something really hard to do.

Linda said...

You go girl. We're all behind you and I'm sure we'd all leap to help. Love to ya.
Lurking Linda

Amy B. said...

Good for you, and good luck.

Anne said...

Best wishes on the journey up... and may those chains drag away all that isn't working on their way down.

Merideth in Wyoming said...

Hugs! even if they are only cyber-hugs you sound as if you need one. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

Mr. A. said...

You have been a GREAT source of strength and support to me... RIGHT BACK at you my friend. :)

Elaine said...

You are always in my thoughts GF. And you can use my shoulder anytime you need it. xo

Gaston Studio said...

You're doing absolutely the right thing for yourself and good on you for learning this so early in life.

Lori said...

Good for you! I really love this quote and while it makes me sad that you are struggling, my heart rejoices over the freedom you will experience in letting go. I totally relate the need and desire to let go of those things that weigh down one's heart. XX Cheers to letting go!

Laggin said...

Hmm. I haven't read enough lately to have a feeling for what this is about...but I'll be sending good, strong vibes your way.

jessica said...

well i've made my mind up and i do believe you are leaving your husband (and really, your dog could be sick! but me thinks that would not be sad news around your house ha!)
anyway, if that's the case, i left mine about 11 years ago and it was the best thing i ever did. me+2 kids under 7+no job+ a lot of hope = eternal happiness :)

Vodka Mom said...

Thank you all, my friends, for your words of comfort and support.

It mean more than you know.

High Heeled Life said...

I certainly needed to stumble upon your post tonight... the universe seems to direct us in the direction we most need .. with help from God's Angels... Thank you for this post... xo HHL

High Heeled Life said...

I certainly needed to stumble upon your post tonight... the universe seems to direct us in the direction we most need .. with help from God's Angels... Thank you for this post... keeping going forward... xo HHL

Recovering Church Lady said...

Cyber hug..... \0/

Kyddryn said...

Hugs, sugar.

Sometimes the most difficult thing we can do is the one thing that will free us from the chains that hold us earthbound and let us soar.

Happy flying...

Shade and Sweetwater,
K

Mrs4444 said...

Good. I'm glad. Sorry you're hurting.

Angie Ledbetter said...

The surface is closer than you think. And you know I'm behind you pushing with prayers and hugs!!! XXO

Pastor Sharon said...

You are being loved all the way from Indy, right now!

Love and hugs and love and hugs!

♥ Braja said...

....and you just keep pushing. Love you...with you...xo

The Stiletto Mom said...

Brave girl, I love you much. I'm here for you if you ever need me!

noexcuses said...

Look at all the love here! May it hold you tight and keep you from returning to that dark place.

mosey said...

We hear you. Those heavy fingers dragging you down can't win against the power of community and love. Right? (I'm battling my own heavy fingers....)

Love to you.

Sprite's Keeper said...

The time is right when the time is right. You have my support and prayers, Vodka. You always will.

justsoyouknow said...

The beauty of the human mind is that no matter how hard and painful one is going through, still cam able to get over with it. Every human triumph is considered a personal investing as we learn lesson from it and remain even stronger.