I am spending some time with my children; wrapping myself in the familiar routines of errands, shopping, fighting, yelling, laughing, eating, talking and hugging.
Dear Senora Vodka,
If I was Christian and this was lent, could I give up my children for this next week of Winter break?
When I had my babies the nurses loved to tell me that I was the expert--the authority on my babies. They said I should follow my instincts, because I knew my babies better than anyone.
Maybe I was an expert--if "expert" means almost forgetting the second child in his carseat/bucket under a library carol at 8 weeks old, and not really learning his name until he reached 6 months old (and to this day having one morphed combo name for both of them: MMMMalliott get your soggy pull-up out of the hallway, please.
If I was the resident expert with babies, the school teacher has officially taken over. She is undoubtedly the authority of my children, and not only knows my children better than anyone, but has also built up emotional, biological, and psychological immunity to them.
WE NEED YOU VODKA!
My Six year old forgot how to share this past week of vacation, yet mastered the art of psychological sibling warfare mmmm this chocolate is soooo good, don't you wish you had some? Too bad you already ate yours mmmmm I'm so good at saving things mmmm
My four year old is so tripped out on sugar and plastic that he not only has lost his manners but goes from barking "COOKIE" to full-metal-tantrum before you can oh-so-calmly advise "That's a ONE"
Calling all teachers: Please take the children back now. NOW now.
For you are trained and certified and an expert at practiced-enthusiasm, When you sing it is with your heart and not with vacuous eyes and using only your bottom lip. You read stories and pause for learning opportunities instead of pausing from if this child is not asleep in five minutes I will hurl myself Baukugan-style against the wall, or luge myself far away from the property in our yellow plastic sled never to return.
We've had a week of sledding and museum and sledding and playdates (see Six year olds who forgot how to share) and sledding and WHERE ARE MY MORE PRESENTS protesters.
Our children miss their schedule. Our children miss their structure. And WE MISS OUR VODKA.