It's a (not so) hostile take-over. (aka I get by with a little help from my friends.)

I am spending some time with my children; wrapping myself in the familiar routines of errands, shopping, fighting, yelling, laughing, eating, talking and hugging.

Among the many heart-warming gifts I have received of late are ones that have come from many of you. They have come in many shapes and sizes, and the ones I will share this week come from my talented friends who live here in bloggyland. For the next few days I will be hosting some guests here at Vodkamom. So, mind your manners, and enjoy the writing of some of my very talented good friends, who have joined hands in an attempt to help me find my mojo.

I give you Ann.

Dear Senora Vodka,

If I was Christian and this was lent, could I give up my children for this next week of Winter break?

When I had my babies the nurses loved to tell me that I was the expert--the authority on my babies. They said I should follow my instincts, because I knew my babies better than anyone.

Maybe I was an expert--if "expert" means almost forgetting the second child in his carseat/bucket under a library carol at 8 weeks old, and not really learning his name until he reached 6 months old (and to this day having one morphed combo name for both of them: MMMMalliott get your soggy pull-up out of the hallway, please.

If I was the resident expert with babies, the school teacher has officially taken over. She is undoubtedly the authority of my children, and not only knows my children better than anyone, but has also built up emotional, biological, and psychological immunity to them.


My Six year old forgot how to share this past week of vacation, yet mastered the art of psychological sibling warfare mmmm this chocolate is soooo good, don't you wish you had some? Too bad you already ate yours mmmmm I'm so good at saving things mmmm

My four year old is so tripped out on sugar and plastic that he not only has lost his manners but goes from barking "COOKIE" to full-metal-tantrum before you can oh-so-calmly advise "That's a ONE"

Calling all teachers: Please take the children back now. NOW now.

For you are trained and certified and an expert at practiced-enthusiasm, When you sing it is with your heart and not with vacuous eyes and using only your bottom lip. You read stories and pause for learning opportunities instead of pausing from if this child is not asleep in five minutes I will hurl myself Baukugan-style against the wall, or luge myself far away from the property in our yellow plastic sled never to return.

We've had a week of sledding and museum and sledding and playdates (see Six year olds who forgot how to share) and sledding and WHERE ARE MY MORE PRESENTS protesters.

Our children miss their schedule. Our children miss their structure. And WE MISS OUR VODKA.

Come baaaaaaaaaaaack.


Cheryl said...

Leave it to Ann to start the charge to Call Off the Wild Things and send 'em back to you and all crazy teachers.

Marinka said...

Whoever made up school vacation never had children. Or spent too much time with them.

Lynn MacDonald said...

Hahaha...I suck at being a parent, pretty much how I suck at being a human being but I MUST SAY...my instincts have almost never led me astray. That was fun...I wanna be a guest!!!

Joanie said...

Ah.... so happy I'm past those days. and I did it without becoming an alcoholic, which is a plus!

Kimberly said...

Ah, but you see, us teacher types live for these momentary (2 week) pauses in the school aged child madness. Did you see the way yours behaved the last day before Winter Break? Hmmmmm????

Give us a few more sanity restoring days, and we'll take your cherubs back with open arms.

Momo Fali said...

I work at a school, so I have it at home and at work. Anyone wanna trade for a day?

duffylou said...

Tell me why oh why do I wish I had these crazy days back?

Come to think of it, the third child's schooling was kind of a blur. Never mind. I'll just wait awhile for grandkids.

CSY said...

I love our teachers! They have to deal with our rotten spawnage! LOVE YOU, VODKAMOM!!!

Brian Miller said...

kinda digging them being out of school...wonder what franks parents are thinking about now...hmmm

Ann Imig said...

If we really and truly got rid of xmas break we'd never see our beloved teachers again.

I sacrifice my sanity.


Vodka Mom said...

and frankly, even the TEACHERS are ready to return...

Anonymous said...

I kinda miss this two week vaca. Once they are grown and have jobs, there is no Christmas break. Makes me miss that time. . . and there was only one!! That means NO FIGHTING!! And to add to that, the nurse in me HATES the two week break. Why do people wait til Christmas break to schedule surgery?

Sharon Rose said...

Goodness! That was hilarious!

I have to say, I am empty nesting really bed this Holiday season. Since our only son is 22 yrs old, we never see all the kids who used to "live" at our house on weekends and Christmas.

I did see one of the teachers last week, whose son went through school with ours. He told me an entire story of how his son was saying "what awesome parents Jody has" and went on to say, "Dad, on weekends, they even buy groceries for us."

I guess we were smoking crack to think we were really gonna be able to feed all ten teenage boys until they were full!

It was fun!

Lili said...

I'm merely an Aunt-my oldest nephews are in their 20's. Younger kindergarten aged children now? I cannot even imagine...

You are awesome Vodkamom. You are every parents(and Uncles,Aunts, and Grandparents too)wish for the children in their lives. Truly.

RottenMom said...

I need a moment here to digest the crack comment from Pastor Sharon! I thought only us non Pastor Moms made crack references!

Joanna Jenkins said...

Christmas break in Los Angeles is THREE friggin weeks long. We're not even half way yet.

Thanks for sharing Ann with us. She's awesome.

xo jj

the mama bird diaries said...

Is someone above me complaining about vacation in California? Where it's warm and sunny?! Ok 3 weeks is still a long time.