12/29/10

Someone get out the borscht- Marinka's here.

It's true- laughter IS the best medicine. If you haven't visited Marinka, then you haven't lived.

There are people out there, mythical creatures, who delight in helping new parents. All under the guise of friendship. II don’t know what kind of scam they’re running, but I wish they’d knock it the hell off.

Because when I was a new mom, many years ago, these people descended upon me and fed me load upon load of unadulterated bull&@^@.

See, my daughter was a terrible sleeper. She’d wake up every few hours, not crying, but sort of chatting. It was almost as though the 90 minutes that she’d slept from 7:30 until 9:00 pm were enough to sustain her and although she’d fall back asleep eventually, she’d be up before 6 am for good.

And instead of being truly compassionate and saying “sorry you got a sleep freak child, Marinka, how about I treat you to a Starbucks or anything else you may want” these “helpful” “friends” would lie and say things like “she’ll grow out of it!” and “by the time she’s a teenager, you won’t even remember this!”

Well, my daughter is now almost a teenager and let me tell you something: She is still a freakishly early riser and I still remember every bitter morning that I had to get up early when she was a toddler.

As a matter of fact, the only way that I will ever forget her sleeping habits is if I have a stroke or early onset dementia. Both probably caused by errant sleeping habits. (Just kidding, sweetie, if you’re reading this! I love being your mom and wouldn’t trade a second of it! Except those super-early morning seconds, of course. They are totally up for grabs!)

But seriously. Let’s stop Pollyannaing new parents. Being a new mom is hard. Yes, it’s wonderful, too, of course, and none of us would trade the experience for the world, but sleep issues can break the best of us. Let’s acknowledge it and stop sugarcoating it. Yes, new parents, you’ll get through it. And there is help out there (thank you, Dr. Ferber!) But you’ll have flashbacks forever.

21 comments:

Lynn MacDonald said...

Hear hear! Or is it here here? I'm not sure...but I agree...enough with the pandering. Tell them that babies suck andnthe good new is that babies grow out of it! Hahaha...great post! My kids now sleep until 12...

SkylersDad said...

Skyler's sensory system was too raw when he was born early, so we would just have to turn out all the lights and noises and walk him so he would sleep. For hours. I don't really know how we survived.

a Broad said...

God blessed me with 2 babies that loved their sleep ( as I do mine) ... But it was still hard at the beginning with those every 4 hour feedings and when I thought I was Earth Mother and would nurse my second baby. So he was attached to me, crying the entire time.. those were fun nights. When I asked the doctor why the baby did not seem to be enjoying, he said he didn't know me well enough to say ... OK .. let's hear it for the doctors !

We muddle through on our own, mostly and get to marvel at the miracles we managed.

Pastor Sharon said...

Yes. . . those sleepy nights. . . begging the child through tears of exhaustion.

I bet I could still sing lullabyes in my sleep!

I would eventually put him in the car seat, and go for a drive. EVERY STINKING TIME. . . that boy would fall asleep within one block of the house!

Guess what? He's all grown up and HE STILL stays up late and STILL would rather be riding in his car late at night!!!!!

Don't let people fool you!!!!
Sleeping habits of the child will cause sleep deprivation!!!

I still have dark circles under my eyes. . . 22 yrs later!!!!

the mama bird diaries said...

I am so glad those sleepless nights are behind me. Oh wait. Never mind.

CSY said...

I LOVE to sleep!!! So having 3 babies in 4 years kinda knocked the wind out of my Sleeping Beauty impressions. BUT they're now 13, 11 and 9 and sleep late...I got worried last weekend when my boys slept until 10 and 10:30 on a SUNDAY!!! Yeah, NOW i'm loving the children...

The Empress said...

Those sleepless nights are replaced by the sleepless nights of teens out late.

So, yeah, it kinda never ends.

Love Marinka!

duffylou said...

Oh yes, I do remember those days. But I savor present day while I can sleep as late as I want. My three beautiful offspring are now responsible adults, giggle, and have to rise early to be at their jobs on time.

I figure in the next five years I will be hearing the complaints from my own children about sleepless baby nights. Payback's a *itch.

anymommy said...

I thought this ended in the teenage years and I may never forgive Marinka for bursting my Pollyanna bubble. (But I'll still read her because she's hilarious!)

JulieBouf said...

Seriously, what the hell am I thinking begging my husband to have another one?

ChiTown Girl said...

How dare you introduce me to Marinka's blog!? I just spent over 2 hours reading through her archives! I just can't stop. She's freakin' hilarious!!! OK, break over, I'm going back for more.

Sparkless said...

I'm still suffering Post Traumatic Shock Syndrome from not sleeping for over a year. My daughter had colic too. She was a nightmare baby but has turned into a wonderful tween.

Suburban Correspondent said...

All I could think when I read this post was, "Back when my first kids were babies and not sleeping, we didn't even HAVE Starbucks."

I'm bitter like that.

Captain Dumbass said...

You'll never get that sleep back. Ever.

Ever ever.

♥ Braja said...

Who's 'Marinka'? You're making this up, right Vod?

Yuliya said...

I won't begin to talk of the perfectly synchronized rituals required to get the toothless terrorist to sleep...and just when you have a routine that works figured out it all changes!!!
GAH! I'm so tired...waaaaaah

Also? I hate Borscht. (still love Marinka though)

J.J. in L.A. said...

My niece is having a girl in February, and her husband works nights. After he goes back to work, she's gonna find out what REAL parenting is like.

Bwahahaha!!!

網站設計 said...

hooray, your writings on theater and writing much missed!

Ellie Belen said...

How about some great friends that say, "Why don't you take a nap. I'll take care of her for a few hours."

dusty earth mother said...

Yes, Marinka, yes. Like Mama Rose told me repeatedly when I was pregnant, "Kids? They'll take you down..." And she was right. I'm writing this straight from Chinatown.

Anonymous said...

This was perfect! I just discovered your blog and love it. Now, I feel like you are speaking to me! New mom - terribly sleep deprived. Everyone keeps telling me, he'll grow out of it. Ummm...WHEN? I love him more then life but sleep would be wonderful. I've forgotten what its like!