2/19/11

If you are going to turn your life upside down, be sure to do it over Thanksgiving and Christmas.


I knew it would be hard.


I just didn’t realize how hard.


I prepared everyone for the move. It was to happen over the Thanksgiving break; the boys would be at hunting camp and the girls intended to be somewhere else. The whole idea of breaking up the family wasn’t one that any of the children were ready to accept, and they were quite vocal about it. I knew that in the long run, they would realize that it was the only thing I could do.


We agreed that I was only taking the furniture I had inherited from my parents; a few tables, some lamps, a lovely cabinet my mother had discovered at the Goodwill and an old secretary that my sister had given me many years earlier.


I decided to leave the bed.


Word spread like wildfire at work that I was searching for box springs, mattresses and other things I needed to make this house a home. Before I knew it I was deluged with offers from amazing friends who had “items” that they no longer needed. My brain was even more scattered than normal, and I wasn’t sure exactly what would be landing on my doorstep, but I was both thankful and hopeful.

My sister made the trip down the day after Thanksgiving. We spent all of Saturday packing anything and everything that I thought I would need, keeping in mind that the children had chosen to stay with their father. (That’s another post entirely.)

“Mom, we don’t know if you’ll be there for a month and have to move again, or not. We’ll be going back to school and won’t be spending much time here anyway. It’s best just to leave our stuff here. And you know Golden Boy won’t leave Dad.”

And so, in an effort to listen to my head instead of my heart, I concurred. It broke my heart, but I concurred.

My incredible sister and I packed boxes, loaded the cars, drove, carried them into the new house and went back for more. It continued like this for most of the day. When we thought we had the essentials, we were off to get a few bed frames, a rug, and food.

She had to leave the next morning, and wouldn’t be there for the official move. We did, however, accomplish more in one day than I ever imagined we would.

My best friend’s husband, a generous man and a great friend indeed, procured a truck from his business and they came to my house early that Sunday morning. Another strong fella from school showed up, along with one of our amazing secretaries. They loaded up the furniture in the truck, we threw the remaining boxes in various cars and were ready to leave.

I looked at the house and felt the pangs of my broken heart. I looked at the home that held my hopes and dreams for many years, and I cried.

I crawled into my car and followed the truck – for we had many other stops to make before reached the home that I was entrusting with my new hopes and dreams.


I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath as I pulled out of the driveway.


It was going to be a long day, indeed.


46 comments:

Sandee said...

I've done this very thing. It was hard, but it was the best thing I ever did. It was the right thing. for me. For everyone. That very home (my first home) isn't even on my radar anymore. The home I'm in is home. You'll see. I promise.

Have a terrific day. Big hug. :)

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

Deb, I cannot express how much I respect your strength and resolve during all of this. I don't pretend to know how difficult each of the steps were in coming to your resolution, but I am sure you handled it all with the same gravity, wit, humor, and pragmatism that make you so very lovable and relate-able to all your readers.

Huge hugs to you for making the tough choices to find yourself some happiness. I am rooting for you!!

absees123s said...

I know, from personal experience, how hard this is for you. You are strong! Your wit and humor will take you far and get you through many things with this move...and think.."it's a brand new do-over!" We don't get to do that too many times, and without a doubt, you will be FANTASTIC! I believe in you (I do realize I'm just a cyber blog reader, but I do) and know the new and coming chapters in your life are going to blessed and wonderful! ROCK ON!

BTW...I'm also lifting you up in prayer each day...we can never have too many people praying for us!

Lynn MacDonald said...

God, was that only Thanksgiving? It seems like it was so long ago and it seems like I've known you for so long. Every day you become stronger and stronger and you are more like the person you were meant to be.

You're doing great and your kids are coming around. I, for one, am proud of you. You should be too!!!

XOXO

ChiTown Girl said...

Aw, sweetheart, I know how hard that must have been. Well, ok, maybe I don't know exactly how hard, since the kids added a whole new dimension to the story. My son wasn't even 2 when we split, so he didn't have much to say about it.

It helps me not cry for you when I know how happy this has actually made you. You are such a strong woman, and you continue to inspire me to be stronger myself.

Maggie May said...

Brave words, brave heart. Sucks, but you are doing it. xo

duffylou said...

You are such a fantastic leader for your Frank's and George's and all the rest of your wonderful class. They love and respect you.

It's time for you to love and respect you! If a six year old can learn to do it, you certainly can. You can be the leader of your new life.

(BTW, I have put on a cheer leading uniform, have pom poms and am doing scissor kicks for you!) Not a pretty sight, but I'm loud and I'm proud for Vodkamom!

Jenny said...

You're going to hear THIS a lot: been there, done that. It WILL get better. You WILL feel happy again. You are NOT alone. Your children WILL be all right. They LOVE you. If I can do it, YOU can do it. Bonus points for having a fluffy soft kitten to absorb some tears. One foot in front of the other...

Warm hug and a tight squeeze!

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

well that's about the bravest thing! good for you honey.

hugs, bee
xoxoxoxoxo

you'll be fine! ps

anymommy said...

I would give much to stop by with something pretty for your new place and a cup of tea. There are few things harder than this. Grace and peace for you, though you don't need it.

Susan Higgins said...

You have guts to follow your instincts... You will land on your feet; smiling, laughing and dancing. You are strong. Your children love you and always will... Life happens.

Gigi said...

HUGS!!! I can't say that I know what you are going through - because I don't. But I do know that you are brave and courageous and are doing what you know, in your heart, to be what is best. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

charlaine said...

I wish I could have been brave enough to write during my divorce. Honestly. It's been 3 1/2 years and I still let others opinions keep me from writing. That you for being brave.

Christy said...

You are amazing. I wish I could stop by with something pretty for your house. I hope I see you later this year because I will give you the biggest hug EVER. EVER! xo

Suzy said...

When I bought my second car I traded in my first car, my trusty little Ford Festiva that was the most amazing car. It physically saved my life TWICE. On L.A. freeways no less.

As I drove away in my new Ford, I cried seeing that little grey car with the red stripe sitting there all by itself.

IT WAS ONLY A CAR. But it meant the world to me. I'm a dork.

Scary Mommy said...

I can't wait to hug you. And buy you a big fucking drink.

Joanie said...

I now wish I had been the one to move out. Now I'm stuck with a house that I owe more than It's worth.

The house you are in now sounds exactly what I need.

Live well in your little house!!

Some day, I'll be driving through you part of Oregon on my way to my daughter's and stop to give you big hug and treat you to lunch!

Langdowns said...

Oh man that must be hard. Geez. My heart hurts just reading it. Hope you are feeling ok today.

Sue said...

Your post, as you know, brings back so many heart wrenching memories for me. I split up my marriage between Thanksgiving and Christmas. My middle daughter went with him, my oldest daughter and my son stayed with me. No matter what you do, it will always be a moment, like reading your blog tonight, that you remember how painful it all was. And I can say, ten years later I'm in a better place, but reading your post reminded me that you never forget going through the experience. And as I always tell you, time helps, just be patient and let time help heal some of your wounds!

Take care, Sue

a Broad said...

It takes a much braver person to move and be happy, than to stay and be miserable.
I can only say how much I admire you for being so brave and how much I wish I could make the pain of it all a little less.
Being happy shouldn't come so hard ..
besos..

Irish Gumbo said...

I've made that trip, and, yeah it sucks donkeys. A sad but necessary thing.

Peace to you, my dear.

Kyddryn said...

It's a bit late, and perhaps a bit far, but there's always a place at Casa de Crazy if you find yourself needin' it (please don't mind the dust critters - they're mostly harmless). Of course, you won't be needin' it, just sayin'...

Doing what you know is right can be so unpleasant...no wonder so many folks just settle for doing what's easy. I'm glad you've taken the steps you need to nurture your spirit, though they be difficult steps on a difficult path...

I'm wishing you well, sugar.

Shade and Sweetwater,
K

Cora said...

You just described EXACTLY what I witnessed the day my mom moved out and left my dad with the house they had built and raised their three children in. Mom was full of many, many mixed emotions. And so were the rest of us. But it was DEFINITELY for the best. Absolutely. Not a single one of the five of us (Mom, Dad, me, my sister and my brother) would argue with that now or wish we could go back to the stressful mess life was while Mom and Dad were living together unhappily.

I can't promise Golden Boy will do the same, but my little brother didn't stay with my dad for long. He soon chose to move in with Mom to "take care of her." :-)

Things WILL get easier. Without a doubt. It just takes a little time. Swearsies.

((((BIG BIG HUGS))))

Twenty Four At Heart said...

I love you! xoxoxoxo!!

Brian Miller said...

((VM))

formerlyonlyamovie said...

This reminds me of my own moving out story... I posted it a couple of years ago (on the old blog).

None of this is easy, but you feel so free on the other side.

xoxoxoxoxo
Much love to you!

As Cape Cod Turns said...

I totally know how much this sucks, but you are strong and have many friends and a fantabulous sister! Glad the kids are doing well, but am wondering if they have seen things from your side yet?
Love you :)

Vodka Logic said...

You are braver than I could ever be. To "leave" the children and all you have known must have been heart wrenching. I can hear it in your words...very clearly.

Be strong, as I can tell you are, and if we ever meet the vodka is on me. xx

LivewithFlair said...

Thank you for writing this. I love your courage.

Rene/ Not The Rockefellers said...

God, Deb..the courage it took to even begin...
Wow.
You own it now, Deb. Every wonderful, terrible, beautiful moment.

Reading Rosie said...

So close to my own heart right now. I'm in a struggle with myself and wish I had someone who has "been there, done that" to talk with. (((Deb)))

SkylersDad said...

I wish I had good things to say, something that would take the hurt away. It will get better, and I love you.

zman said...

I read this twice to think of the right words. I dont really have any just to say..be strong and have faith that things will be good in the future and happiness will roll your way...i hope the sun is on your face and the wind at your back...zman sends

jessica said...

wow I so appreciate you sharing that. It's not easy to go through and it's not easy to put out there for strangers to read but I feel like I know you. i want to know what happened to my "friend" and you are indulging us by baring your soul. thanks.

Melissa B. said...

Powerful. Poignant. Purposeful. I helped a friend move just this way, and while I haven't walked in your shoes, I've followed the footsteps. You're a brave gal. Good for you!

MiMi said...

This is amazingly sad. :( I think you are braver than I for sure.

Fragrant Liar said...

I have not been around the Blogosphere much lately, but now that I'm getting around to peeps, I discover you split from your hubs? I'm so sorry. I know -- I KNOW -- very well how that goes and all the heartbreak that goes along with it. I wish you well on your next adventure. I am SURE it will be a good one. xo

Joanna Jenkins said...

Big sigh!
Remember, you have a HUGE crowd of people/bloggers cheering you on. I'm the one in the back screaming YOU ROCK VM!!!
Big hugs,
xoxoxoxox jj

Lady Jennie said...

I'm sending you lots of love and strength and well wishes.

GraceesMommy said...

So as I wipe the tears from my face I have one question for you my dear friend...

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?"
— Mary Oliver

Enjoy the life that you deserve.♥

The Good Cook said...

Starting over takes guts, determination and strength. I think you have the right combination of all of these attributes.
As my late husband would have said, "On, On"

Gaston Studio said...

Yes it takes courage and I'm sure you'll find that you have that in spades once the dust settles. Starting over is hard but it can also be liberating. Hang in there.

Cookie Crums said...

I can't begin to imagine but I do get this.... you are one strong, brave woman! Through this, you still have your humor and love for your kids (school kids) and your own children. That takes courage and grit ... and I'm sure it will get better over time. Sounds as though you have a wonderful support system. ** HUGS **

amber said...

I've been there (though without the added heartbreak of kids), and I just want to say, it will get better. You're doing the right thing.

Pastor Sharon said...

Dearest,
You are truly my hero. A woman brave enough to step out and say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH can weather the storms.

You are amazing. Now, my son is gone too. Pass the Vodka! I'll do penance later.

Sending you a bundle of HUGS AND LOVE!

Pastor Sharon said...

Did I tell you we are praying for you and cannot wait to see you?

Well, it's true!