Dear People who are inventing Apps for the things I NEVER EVEN KNEW I needed:
While I’m sure some people with IPhones, LPhones, Smartphones and Xylophones are dying for the an APP called “come wipe me please”, “get my laundry cause I’m too lazy to get it myself” or “I don’t know how to use scissors so Zap me some coupons”, I’m not one of them.
Frankly, I can barely even get my razzly dazzly phone ON, let alone teach it how to bark and roll over. And really, if it is so smart, why can’t it teach ME how to use it?
So, to all of the billion people emailing me HUNDREDS of emails a day about your fabulous APPS that I can’t live without, please stop. I don't even know what APP stands for.
I can barely get my phone ON. (Pssssst. Try Marinka, she’s a pro.)
Now pass me some Advil and really HUGE Diet Pepsi Frank kicked my *$$ so many times today I don’t even know what DAY it is.