Oh sweet Lord in heaven my ears are still hurting. (aka The Summer Chauffeur.)

I picked up Golden Boy and the other 13 year-old members of the Do-good Brigade to make a quick three-minute drive to the pool. (It was approximately 2.8 miles from the house.)

Along the way I was serenaded by various speeches (involving things I don't think should be discussed in front of a MOTHER) spoken in Chinese, Pig Latin, Spanish and what I can only assume was German. They managed to give each other way too many HORRIBLE punches, pinches and noogies – all the while managing to spot EVERY single punch bug and yellow and orange vehicle along the way. (The ceiling of my car is still in pain.)

They teased each other relentlessly about would be (cough) girlfriends –their names- and whose photos may or may not be screensavers on certain I-phones. (And other things that STILL should not be talked about in front of MOTHERS.)

And when they hurriedly exited the car to join the other thousand tweens that were spending a glorious day at the pool, one of them noticed the book laying on the floor of my car.

“A Discovery of Witches? WITCHES? Yeah. That MUST be a typo!”

And they all ran from the car in a roar of hysteria over someone’s moment of brilliance.

And me?

I laughed the whole way home. Surely that boy gets his quick wit from his mother.

And yes, she thought it was damn funny.


Lynn MacDonald said...

He sure does!

Unknown said...

Oh those do-gooders...ya gotta keep your eyes and ears open around them quick witted do-gooders :)

Hope you are enjoying the start of your vacay!

Melissa E. said...

Boys are hilarious. This post reminds me of what I have in store a few years down the road. (I have two little boys.)

Ellie Belen Ambrose said...

I loved driving my son and his four male cousins around. Soon they forget you are there and you get to hear all kinds of info and real insight into how they think, who they are, and how funny they really are. I remember these trips with great fondness.

Captain Dumbass said...

Good god, I'm going to have three of them.

The Rambler said...


Sigh, wit makes the world go round doesn't it? :)

Raquel's World said...

Boys....They find the silliest things funny.
You are lucky no one farted.

Raquel's World said...

And this boycotter of american women that commented before me...Ugggh. I have to say something here b/c that punk closed comments there...Sorry Vodkamom. But I think he will come back here to see if anyone noticed him.

The fact that you closed comments is exactly why "American Women Suck". Why? Because tons of the men here are p***ies. You John are a great example of that. You wanna be heard but not listen. And let's admit it men nowadays(a lot) can dish it but not take it. You are in the wrong decade you should be back in the 40's where you beat your woman into submission. And since you have no visible profile I suspect you are a wimp that any of us could easily take.

I think your real problem is that no self respecting American woman would have you!

Joanie said...

and we thought girls were silly. HA!!!

I see you've been visited by our not-so-favorite American woman hater.

Kara said...

I just finished "A Discovery of Witches." It was quite good. The first 100-200 pages tend to drag (yeah, it's a long book), but it does get better.

Jenean said...

I loved driving the kids around...they think you can't hear if you are driving....learn all kinds of things, enjoy!

Vodka Mom said...

and yes, there was farting involved. That goes without saying.



Pseudo said...

I remember the punch buggy days...

Everyday Goddess said...

i'm driving tween girls around these days...can i borrow that sense of humor? from you? or golden boy?

Notes From ABroad said...

Oh god, I miss those days.

Casey Freeland said...

Throw some pig latin of your own at them and they'll stop. :)



Unknown said...

Things my son says never cease to amaze me or crack me up!
Too bad the trip wasn't a few miles longer! :-)

Anonymous said...

American women are used, toxic, feminist trash.

Vodka Mom said...

oh Anonymous. Quit trying to sweet talk me.

Anonymous said...

LOL your anonymous stalker.

I am nostalgic for the days when my boy was that silly.

That book is wicked fun.


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