Call me crazy, but I’m a TAD bit confused here. Sure, I know your 22nd birthday is tomorrow, and that you are expecting some outrageous gifts; however, when I opened the link to the $400 necklace that you insist is the ONLY PRESENT YOU WANT, I fell off my chair. Mostly, cause I was SURE you sent it to the wrong mother. I'm sure you mean to send it to the OTHER one, you know, that RICH one that you claim is your birth mother who lives in France.
Have you been living with me for the last year? Do you watch me clip coupons, decide which bill to pay, send spousal and child support to someone who shall not be named, and roll my coins every weekend? Do you see me take clothes and fake jewelry to the consignment shop and jump for joy when they give me TWENTY BUCKS? Have you watched me take the bags of cans I’ve been collecting to the can man? (Note to self: not worth it. I got 4 bucks. FOUR BUCKS. The gas money there was double that.)
So I was floored when you called me to tell me how MAD you were when I said I couldn’t afford to get the necklace for you. The fact that you were so furious with ME that you went out and bought yourself Frye boots with your own money? To punish ME? That’s where the confusion comes in.
Cause I’m pretty sure that it didn’t cost me a penny.
(Five billion dollars to send her to college and this is what she does. I want my money back. P.S.)