We're making our own kind of normal...even there is nothing normal about it. (We grow and change, in spite of our efforts not to...)

I'm spending another weekend with The Boy in the house.

And while I'm walking on cloud nine, there are certain rules I apparently have to follow.

I am not allowed to look at him.
I'm not allowed to talk to him.
I can't hug him.
I can't kiss him.
I can't tell him I love him.
I can't ask him who he is talking to.
I can't ask him who he is texting.
I can't tell him he looks handsome.
I can't ask him if he needs a ride because he is NOT a pussy.
I can't tell him to text me and tell me where he is after the football game because he is NOT a pussy.
I can't invite the friends INSIDE the house that are hanging out in the yard tossing the football around with The Boy.

However, I can watch him through the window.

I watch him as he laughs and shouts and enjoys the cool spring afternoon with friends.  I watch him and see a young man that I've missed more than life itself.

My heart has begun to heal. And I will not think of days passed, of words spoken in anger, or broken hearts or of people caught in the crossfire.

I won't.

Because I can see my heart through the window.    And it is beautiful.


Chrissy said...

Those are the exact same rules I've been given by my 17 year-old son!

Thanks for posting this...it's beautiful.

Joan said...

That's wonderful! But I still needs to text you where he is after the football game.

He won't turn into a pussy, promise!

Lorraine said...

Yes, we used to joke that our son was in training for the CIA, or some secret-sworn-to-silence agency. And we quickly learned that you had to stop what you were doing, wherever you were, when he did want to talk. Everything on his time and terms. But there were a couple of "parental requests" that he had to abide by and you know what, he later thanked us for making him accountable. Don't be afraid to negotiate.

Formerly known as Frau said...

He will come back around some day...he will!

Scope said...

Yesterday we dropped "The Daughter" off at school for her first of three "traffic" drives for Drivers ED, where they actually take them into traffic, not just the range.

She gave me a "don't you dare hug me" look. So I offered her a fist bump. She shook her head, "no". So I whispered, "I'll hug you then".

And got a sheepish fist bump.

SkylersDad said...

He may tell you he doesn't need to be looked after, but he does. All of us young guys needed that growing up.

Gigi said...

This made me smile and tear up at the same time. Yup, I had those same rules; funny they go away pretty quickly once you send them off to college and they realize just how much they love you and miss you. Enjoy your boy. Every freakin' minute - rules or not.

Melissa E. said...

Damn, and I thought potty-training was hard! :(

Sharona Zee said...


Mine is 22 and it is good to have him back on Planet Earth

Unknown said...

What if you hold up a tray of food at the window...you think they'll come in then?! :P