What did YOU learn in school today? (Learning hurts, kids; that's how you know you're doing it right.)

What I learned at school today.
By The Teacher

5.  The children will not bring their common sense to school the day after a long vacation, and forget that they are not to stand on the padded swivel teacher chair that is located at the handwriting station.  You will be able to quickly locate the first aid kit, however, and save the day.  (After Max’s little accident today, I don’t think anyone needs reminded about STANDING ON CHAIRS THAT SWIVEL.  Cheezus.)

4.  Do not engage in an argument with Polly about why she shouldn’t pretend to faint while walking down the hallway.  (Especially not six times in a row. SIX TIMES.  Didn’t we just read “The Wolf Who Cried Boy?”) While Chevy Chase made a bundle doing it on SNL, it’s not especially funny when your six-year old student does it while you are walking your class down the hall in front of the principal, the librarian and the ESL teacher. Although I do have to say, she was quite convincing; at least the first time.

3.  If the zipper on your new jeans breaks after school on your only potty break of the day, the stapler works incredibly well in a pinch.  (Zipper, schmipper; just keep the stapler loaded and you’re GOOD to go.)  The parent and child I had a conference with after school never noticed a thing.  At least I don’t think they did.

2.  When walking the dog after a long day at school, make sure you check the bag you are carrying for the poop. Odds are great you’ll run into two of your students AND their lovely mothers.  While you’re chatting happily, they will point out the bag decorated with NUMEROUS bottles and SHOUT the name of your favorite liquor store that is printed on the front.  (First graders can READ; and do it AS OFTEN AS THEY CAN!) 

1.  I learned that no matter how trivial or inconvenient my little troubles might be, my life is an amazing one.  I prayed for my very dear friend and her husband today as they began a week long, grueling chemo treatment far from home.  They have been fighting a horrific battle for several years, and we all continue to wrap them in prayer, love, and hope.    

Yep.  Today, I remembered that my life was amazing.    I only wish everyone's was. 


Travis Erwin said...

The battle scars of education. You wear them proudly.

Krystal said...

Kids always make you laugh, no matter how hard or bad your day gets. Even if you laugh later - you laugh. And yes, life is wonderful - the simplest things are the ones that are the best.

Good luck and prayers to your friends on their battle.

Marissa said...

My life is pretty damn amazing too...even when projectile poop AND pee occur at 3am.
Especially when they do--she is a miracle.

I have made a mental note on the stapler trick...although it's been awhile since anything I owned zipped up.

And yes, fuck cancer--it has stolen people from us that should be here to meet and enjoy babygirl (I know they're looking down, watching over her--and laughing hysterically at the above mentioned projectile incidents. It's my karma)

Sue said...

Great post my friend. . .thank you. I loved each and every word.

Take care,

Unknown said...

You are amazing, vodkamom! <3

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