Honestly, this is no fun. (Do you have to be Catholic to become a nun? )

The best part of the day?

Tonight at the supermarket the cashier asked me if I was the woman who wrote the column in the newspaper.  After I said yes, she told me how much she loved it, and thanked me for years of laughing and smiling.  I smiled for the first time today.

The worst part of the day? (Which surprisingly doesn't include the hitting and punching at recess today...)

The text message from Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome at 7:30 a.m., right before school.  Apparently it's not HIM, it's me.  (Well, my children AND my lack of being officially divorced. The no-divorce thing is annoying to him.  Hell, it's annoying to ME!)

But do I want to" contact him when I get things all wrapped up"?

Uh, that would be a no.      Now, someone pass me the tissues - I get at least one pity party, right? 


Razmataz said...

He's an ass. I am sure he has known for a long time that you are not yet divorced. he's using it as an excuse to end it and he doesn't even have the decency to tell you in person. You deserve far better than that.

Gigi said...

Oh no - really? I'm sorry. Sending endless virtual hugs and vodka.

Mandi said...

I'm sorry. The only time I can justify calling someone a douchebag is right now. He's definitely a douchebag.

Jan said...

He's a stupid idiot.

Joy Swatsworth said...

I feel like bitch slapping someone...someone tall...someone dark...someone handsome. I am going to have a chocolate martini for you and send him a virtual middle finger. RIGHT!! That is what we girls do...he better lay low. :)

Vodka Mom said...

Joy, I am SO sad. Frankly, the fact that I didn't really DO anything is what sucks. So...I'm going to assume he has someone else he's wanting to focus on....and that is that.

Still sucks.

Brian Miller said...

please tell me he did not break up by text...well that tells you enough...you def dont want someone with that little class...

gayle said...

Ass....! my favorite word for major jerks. What a joke this man is. I think you appear to be a lovely, smart, strong woman, bury HIM. Let's all find a way. Men are in such demand that they can misbehave and still have yoyo's at their feet. you are not a yoyo the one waiting in line is. And she will fail to capture his wandering soul, too.

Vodka Mom said...

Your comments have all helped me smile. It's hard not to think that it's something you've done...or something you are...

Yet I want to be happy that he made me realize that having things in COMMON is important. So, I learned some lovely lessons...and should thank him for that.

But I DON'T want to question the fact that I am a strong and good woman. I want to love and respect myself.

And so that is my new mission...to love myself.

Shannon said...

Uh, even if it *were* something you had done, good! It stings now but you are so much better off that he showed his true colours.

I'm in the he's-an-ass camp though. Would have been a totally different story if it had been a f2f conversation. Hang in there!

SkylersDad said...

I have no words for how sad this makes me. It isn't you it IS HIM!!


leggs said...

Why are men such chickenshits? If you don't want to date anymore just talk to me face to face and tell me! Sheesh! It was bad enough when we were college kids, as adults you would think they would have more class! Sorry, Vodka! I, too, am trying this dating thing and it's a tough old world out there. Hugs!

Marissa said...

New idea: Vodka's List.
Like Angie's List, but for dating.

3 bad reviews and they can't date anyone for a year. It'll make them work harder to end things in a decent way.

Marissa said...

And the let me know when you're divorced thing?
This is not Toys R Us, he doesn't get to do layaway.
Someone else deserves the gift of you :-)

Vodka Mom said...

NO layaways.

that made me laugh......thank you!

Anonymous said...

Was his name Trey?
He was my first love that was too scared to tell me he wanted to marry a fat girl.
F him and his shiznit and all the pubes with him

Cora said...

My ex and I stayed married (against MY will) for four years after our separation. I had all the paperwork but he refused to look at or sign it because he only wants to do things when they are HIS idea. (And he erroneously thought he could keep me on the side just in case his girlfriend dumped him. Ha!)

He told me if I forced the divorce he would purposely drag things out in court and make it ridiculously expensive for me, so I didn't pursue it. The thing was, staying married to him was probably just as expensive as the messy divorce would have been. He got a credit card in my name, maxed it out and then refused to pay for it and they came after ME for it. He also ordered $500 worth of magazine subscriptions in my name behind my back! The whole thing was such a big mess and none of the companies involved would listen to me because he and I were still married, so legally we were still basically the same person. Whatever ridiculous shit he bought, I paid for (while he dodged out of paying child support too!)


My point? Staying married to someone you are no longer with is dangerous. Especially if that someone is willing to do pretty much anything to hurt you. Because they will. And, dammit, I don't want you getting hurt anymore! :-(

As for the text message breakup, wow. How thirteen year old little girl can a guy be?! You obviously deserve better than that coward!

Jenny Hart Boren said...

I'm not taking sides--except yours, of course--but I don't know that I'd choose to date someone who was, legally, still married. To me, that says "I'm not serious about finding a new relationship." The details of your marital status are none of our business, but they must have been an obstacle for him. And our kids? Well, they are who they are--it's asking a lot for someone to love them enough to make a life with their mother (or father). Like it or not, single parents' children are one of the biggest reasons it's so hard to find another relationship. That's a fact, but it still hurts like hell. I know very well how much! I'm SO SO SO sorry this was not a match. Now "wash that man right outta your hair, and send him on his way!"

Japolina said...

Excuse my language but f$@k him. He knew about your situation and he chose to proceed, I hate that he texted you. What a d$@k! I guess it is better that he showed his true colors sooner rather than later. Xoxo

Steph said...

You deserve so much better! Wish I could send you someone deserving of your affection.

Sheila said...

What an idiot...you deserve better and will be with someone wonderful soon.
You should love yourself. You are pretty amazing.

Kathy W said...

What an asshat. Really? By text? What is he, 12? I'm sorry. :( Dating sucks.

Sharon K said...

Marissa is on to something and I am not joking. So sorry Vodka ,not for you, but for him. He missed out on a strong,wise,kind,funny woman.

Sharon K said...

Also, you may want to rethink the nun thing. You might get assigned to teach in a middle school and you remember what WE were like. Karma might get you on that one kid!!!

ChiTown Girl said...

OMG. I have no other words.

Oh, wait, yes I do...

What a fucking assbag!!!! I'm so angry right now, I can't see straight!! What a cocksucking, cowardly way to handle things!!! What the actual fuck is wrong with him? ARGH!!!!

I need to go away now because I feel a whole slew of not so nice words bubbling up to the surface, and I try not to post those on other people's blogs.

I love you, my friend, and I'm so sorry.

Oh, and it's NOT you!!!!!


Anna Whiston-Donaldson said...

You ARE a strong and good woman! LOVE YOU!

Vodka Mom said...

I SO love that even though I MIGHT be a nutcase sometimes, you people will never every let me think it.

Blogging has brought me the most wonderful and loyal friends. I can't thank you enough for drying my tears.....

Scope said...

It's him. As mentioned, he knew what was what when you started. And if it got to be too big of an issue, then good thing he jumped now, right.

(I also suspect he broke up now, so he didn't have to buy you Christmas presents, rat bastard!)

The last 2 women I dated before my wife were in your position. Divorces not final, but the husband were out of the house and out of the picture, and had kids that were WAY younger than your 3. And Cora ^, well, she was divorced, but sadly her ex hasn't been smote by that meteor I pray for all the time.

After your 30's, everyone should know what's what. Everyone has lived a life, and that life comes with "history". (Nicer than saying "a past" or "baggage"). And the history is what made them who they are today. And that applies both ways.

So don't go join the convent yet. NUN = None. And that's no fun. (Plus communion wine SUX!)

jwg said...

Well fuck him. You are too good for him anyway.

lisa said...

At least it wasn't a post it!

Nancy I said...


Anonymous said...

Who sends someone a text at 7:30 am before you start teaching class. He certainly has no class, the whole cell phone thingie I don't get and e-mail..I send out letters to people all the time, they seem to love the correspondence..but what you mentioned is not a letter, he should have least seen you face to face and spoken kindly to you..Who wants to be around such an asshole, that is my opinion and right before the holidays no less..You so deserve so much better and love...Today people live longer and who would want to be involved with such a cold and uncaring human being, his true karma and self came out indeedy..Good you found out early on..Just wish it was not in such a way..You are brave, strong and deserve so much love and affection not with someone who does that to another human being, no class, no love, no backbone and no manners..ciao!

shrink on the couch said...

While his therapist might commend him for deciding a not-yet-divorced woman is a risky dating choice, anyone else would say what a bonehead he is for texting you such a heartless message and what a piece of shit he is for doing it at the start of your work day. I suppose good riddance is in order :( Sorry for your tears. Dating is no fun.

Lucia said...

The loser should have done things differently. Seriously just as bad as a post it note! I think you are terrific and I know so many couples that are still married but separated. Some relationships are easier to dissolve then others. I truly hope things get better for you.

One crazed mommy said...

Well crap - I'm so sorry Vodka! I was hoping this one would be better for you - but 1. to text you is so low, and 2. right before Thanksgiving...really?? Who does that? I'm sorry - sending you a big virtual hug! It is definitely his loss.

Mocadeaux said...

It is, in fact, HIM in capital letters. Sending you a freaking text at 7:30am?!?! He showed his true, disrespectful, classless self. I can only hope that the outpouring of love and support among all of these comments helps you to remember how awesome you are. Also sending virtual hugs and vodka.

Scope said...

I'm trying a "Cyber Monday" challenge for bloggers. Will you take the challenge?

Read more on my blog, SCOPE-TECH

Kyddryn said...

C'mere and sit by me. Here's a hot toddy. Here's a comforting pair o' arms. Here's an empathetic ear. Commence pity party.


Shade and Sweetwater,

Unknown said...

VM -respect & adore U! I'm a mom of 4 sons, struggle to make meaning of my life outside of trying to raise boys that won't throttle me in a fit of rage and 6pm, (or whenever I get home from work and after school activities) is mama's cocktail hour or 3. Mr. Handsome is not an asshole - just a regular, human (f'd up!) man. I'm so happy he gave U some FUN & hope that good times are plenty to be had. Keep the GOOD and forget the bad... TY for sharing Ur good, bad, & sad with us, your FANS!

Vodka Mom said...

Unknown- you are so right. I am thinking of ALL the good stuff...and there certainly were some great things.

And I thank him for that.


Anonymous said...

Vodkamom. Love your writing and always root for you. I have a question for you: Do the men you date know about this blog? Do you think that he is reading it right now?

I ask because you are adorable and open and honest and vulnerable in your blog. But maybe not all the men you date deserve to see that early on and you need to wait.

Vodka Mom said...


I know.

Woman in Love said...

If I Ran The World we'd only hurt when it was warranted - when we were grieving something Worthy of Us. Instead we realize the person a cad but, still, we grieve. As long as you remember it's him - not you - your heart will, eventually, figure out that he isn't worthy of your tears.

Or of you.

"Behold, the grave of a wicked man"
Behold, the grave of a wicked man,
And near it, a stern spirit.
There came a drooping maid with violets,
But the spirit grasped her arm.
“No flowers for him,” he said.
The maid wept:
“Ah, I loved him.”
But the spirit, grim and frowning:
“No flowers for him.”

Now, this is it —
If the spirit was just,
Why did the maid weep?

Woman in Love said...

I hadn't followed the development so went back & read about the dates - they were well planned and phenomenal. A bit too much so. I think he's one who enjoys the pursuit then leaves blaming you for reacting as he intended and expected you to. Oh and we have a word for that. Begins with "ass" ends with ... well you know.

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