A b*&%^ by any other name should STILL a b*&%^.

Remember back in the day when Bitchy was really bitchy? Surely SOME of you out there remember those days?

You know, when she piled her Christmas presents outside her door and insisted in a VERY loud voice that I return them ALL.  Oh, remember when she told me I had a lesbian haircut? (Not that there’s anything WRONG with that.)  And how about the time she woke me up at ONE in the morning to tell me Sassy was sneaking IN.  And I’m sure I’ll never forget the SIX MILE WALK she tricked me into taking back before I had my new knees.  And who can forget all the times she called ME a “b”?

Sigh, those were the days.

Now she’s a twenty-something Nutritionist for the WIC program and (YAY!) living at HOME with her mother.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not technically complaining about that (although it would be nice to have some RENT MONEY), I’m just saying that I’m feeling the need to rename my darling Bitchy. 

Let me offer several pieces of evidence into this particular proceeding.

“Mom, do NOT use the “F” word.  It’s tasteless.”

“Please keep it down, mom.  You’re causing a ruckus and I’m trying to sleep.”  I’m pretty sure THIS occurred a 8:30 p.m.  EIGHT THIRTY IN THE P TO THE M. 

“I had a client today whose children were just acting like rascals. I did NOT give them a sticker.”  Rascals?  RASCALS???

Sweet Lord in heaven there is only ONE fifty-something woman living in this house and I’m pretty damn sure it’s ME. 

Bitchy, I’m now calling you Grandma.  I’m pretty sure you’ve earned it.  P.S.


Gigi said...

I have a feeling the PS was before I found you, because I have NO idea what that is all about.

And, Bitchy, err...Grandma...well, we might be related. 8:30 pm seems almost a reasonable bed time to me... ;-)

One crazed mommy said...

This just cracks me up!!!! Grandma...LMAO! She's like a little old soul in a young body. :) My husband is 48 (he's got me by almost 8 years) and he goes to be at 8:30 p.m. EVEN ON WEEKENDS (sometime he doesn't even make it to 8:00)!!!! I keep telling him he's an old man, and that my parents (who are close to 70) have a much later bedtime than he does. It just makes me laugh - all my friends think it's hilarious. They'll stop by and say "Where' Mark"..."In Bed"...."What? It's only 8:00"..."Sigh...I know!"

Anna Whiston-Donaldson said...

Ha Ha! LOVE THIS! I am such an old lady, too!

Mrs. E said...

Isn't it great? And they usually have NO recollection they were ever that bad--as if they have always been so wise and level headed. Sometimes, I want to smack them. Self-righteous little biddies!

ChiTown Girl said...

Hey, sister!! I'm so glad to hear you're still in love. :P


G. B. Miller said...

It's funny how kids change one they get something like a job with responsibilities (and a girlfriend in the case of my son).

Father Nature's Corner

Joanna Jenkins said...

Well, well, well... Times have sure changed for Bitchy-- Ha! What a hoot. I think "Grandma" is the PERFECT name for her now. "Keep it down" at 8:30! HAHAHAHAHAHAH.
xoxo jj

#1Nana said...

It is 8:45 here in Oregon and my husband is sound asleep! But he is a grandpa. I keep reading the labels on your posts hoping to read that the divorce is finalized...even I am getting tired of waiting and I don't have to put up with his BS. Hang in there. It will happen.

Erika said...

hahahahaha!! That's hilarious.

Leslie said...

I remember when Bitchy was bitchy. Also, let me know if she calls you a whippersnapper. That'd be awesome.

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