Sometimes it's easier to press the ignore button.

Dear mother,

I am out of my “allergy medicine” and my prescription has expired. Please call the doctor and get it for me.

Love,

Bitchy

Dear Bitchy,

I think PERHAPS if you’re able to go to a bar and order a shot of tequila, you are perfectly capable of calling and ordering your own “allergy medicine.” Frankly, you're closer to the doctor's office than I AM. And please clarify something for me- are you away at college OR NOT?

Love,

Mom

(I'm over here. It's important, people. trust me.)