Dear Dr. Zhivago,
Yeah, um, about that complete hysterectomy you gave me two summers ago? I’ve decided I want my uterus back.
So what that it was filled with adenomyosis; when you took out my uterus and all that other stuff, you also took something mighty important to my marriage. (You know…the “drive”.) And those hormonal tidal waves? Yeah, I don’t like those so much; my family runs for cover and hides for DAYS at the first sign of a missed little blue pill.
So, if you could so kindly put all the stuff “back in”, I would greatly appreciate it.
Oh, and this time, try to sew it together a little more tightly. We don’t want that nine-inch incision coming apart AGAIN now, do we?? (Sweet jesus, that another post altogether...)