6/30/09

Sticks and Stones...


Dear Golden Boy,


Yeah. About last night. You know when I screamed at the top of my lungs when I discovered you and the neighbor boys flying down the bike path behind our house, racing each other WITHOUT ANY HELMETS ON???

You came up to me incredibly furious and angry, and told me that I was the worst mother in the world, remember? You yelled at me, and fought with me and argued that I should let you guys race down the bike path at a MILLION miles an hour with NO HELMETS ON.


I guess you don’t remember when I had to carry Bitchy to the ER when she fell off her bike while riding past our house using NO HANDS. And, when your cousin had his ball-sac ripped open last summer when he crashed his bike and the handle bars ripped it wide open- did we forget to talk about that??? Holy crap.


Oh, and when your other cousin’s best friend had to be LIFEFLIGHTED to the hospital because he crashed while riding WITHOUT a HELMET three summers ago and barely survived??? Yeah, I guess I forgot to tell you about that, too.


When you told me I was the worst mother in the world and that you hated me?


It didn’t bother me a bit.



87 comments:

Fragrant Liar said...

Nope. They can bitch at me all they want when it comes to keeping their little bratty selves safe. I'm with you. Good deal, Mama.

Fragrant Liar said...

'kay, how did that happen? I am first? It's a damn miracle.

Does everybody here notice this? I'm first, I'm first. Neener neener neener.

Sorry, I've always wanted to say that to the entire world. And thanks, VM for allowing me this opportunity.

Joanie M said...

Oh Dear God!

I remember Dani flipping over her handlebars and shoving her baby teeth up into her gums. ouch! and she WAS wearing a helmet!

Desert Songbird said...

Heh. It's a miracle we survived without safety equipment, but having said that, I make NO APOLOGIES to my kids about making them use all appropriate safety gear. None whatsoever.

Maggie May said...

Yeah. There's some mix up here. My son Dakota told me quite clearly the other night that I was the worst mother in the world because I won't let him hang out with ex=bestfriend because ex=bestfriend was a pill popping drug addict who hates all adults. AND EVERY SINGLE OTHER KID HE KNOWS does not have rules like we do, the horrible 'ridiculous' rules, you know, like wearing helmets.

Eternally Distracted said...

I don't know how all you Mum's do it, hats off to you all! I used to scream ''I hate you'' and my mother and she would scream ''I hate you too'' ... Hmmm, not sure what happened there!! We are friends now I am a big grown up :0)

mo.stoneskin said...

That's why I always wear a ball-sac helmet when I ride my bike.

Buckeroomama said...

I'm usually fairly laid back, but certain rules are non-negotiable --and wearing helmets is one of them, no matter how hot and humid it might be outside!

"Discovered" your blog through LPC's and I'm really enjoying your posts.

Angie Ledbetter said...

"I Hate You"/"You're the Worst Mother on the Planet" is a good mom's badge of honor.

Wear it proudly.

Anne said...

Um...OUCH...ripped his ball-sac open. VERY VISUAL... if that doesn't convince someone I don't know what would.

I took a spin on my bike tonight...the second time on my new bike. I haven't had a bike since college. You'll be happy to know...I wore my helmet.

I had to... it is pink, it matches my bike. :-)

Rambling Rachel said...

Thanks for reminding why I yell down the sidewalk, past the houses with quiet old people watching TV, "Get your helmet on. If you don't, you're coming inside!"

Amy said...

There's some sort of kid conspiracy going on here. I'M the worst mother in the world!! I don't let my kids roam the neighborhood after dark. I'm evil.

Mrs. C. said...

Pony Girl took an e-ticket fall off her big ol' horse last week. First thing she said when she could catch her breath was "It's a good thing I had my helmet on!"

I can preach it, but only experience can teach it...

Pastor Sharon said...

Ok. . .now I can post a comment. . I had to recover from reading mo. stoneskin's comment. TOTALLY ROFL!

As I read this post, I begin to find myself doing some weird things! First my heart hurt because that whole "worst Mother" comment hurts. Second, my arms got heavy and I started sweating from helping with Sarah, then when the cousin's ball sac got ripped, I found myself, tightly crossing my legs, and when the friend of the cousin was life-lined, Here I sat, with both arms wrapped around my head. Now picture it, sweaty, with heavy arms, tightly crossed legs, twisted around each other with my arms wrapped around my head. . . I looked like a freakin' moron!
YOu tell that boy the pastor said, Get your flippin' helmet on or I'm taking 20% or your allowance for tithes next Sunday! Geesh!!!!

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Yeah. We get used to being hated.

I'm looking forward to the part where my boy realizes how many anxiety attacks he has been the cause of, and then tries to make it up to me by sending me to a spa for a week.

What? he started his first job last week. It could happen.

ella said...

That's right

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Killjoy.

Frau said...

You scared the shit out of me okay, okay I'll wear my helmet! But what about messing my hair? You can't be the worst Mom I already am.

LadyFi said...

I too am 'the worst' mama when I insist on making the kids wear helmets when racing on bikes - or even more dangerous - on their kick bikes.

Good for you!

Mrs. D said...

I hope I don't rip my ball sac on my bike!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Yeah, I hope I don't rip MY ball-sac either.

Gayle said...

No you are not crazy and you are a better mom than I. My kids don't wear helmets and they do some crazy jumping on bikes and skateboards. Scares the hell out of me. I mean... they ollie the eight stair. Ug! I'm glad you are a good mom. I don't want him to rip his nut-sac either.

dizzblnd said...

Why are we so stupid when we are kids? You would think that as we get older and learn things about the world, we'd get smarter. Apparently not. At least our kids think we are stupid. How dare you be concerned about his safety.

I think you should print this letter, laminate it and tape it to the fridge.

Rick Daley said...

Ball sac? Really?

I need to get my son a cup. Come to think of it, I need one for myself, too (although the equipment was dismantled after son #2, so does it really matter?).

Irish Gumbo said...

Wasn't ball sac a famous French writer?


Ouch. I'm with mo. Helmet for me, whenever I ride!

Kathy said...

Buzzkill.

Thanks for reminding me that I need to get on my kid about wearing his helmet, too. I like his squash just the way it is!

Paige Lacey said...

Holy crap is right!! That poor kid with the ball sac accident. Horrifying.

Boy used to pull the same sort of stunts. "Mom, nothing's gonna happen!" And I'd always tell him, "Until it does."

Bobby G said...

Um...well, I never wore a helmet ever, EVER! We used to do the stupidest shit imaginable on bikes and NEVER got hurt, its so commonplace to wear a helmet now though its crazy to me. If you wanna wear one fine, but I wouldnt be surprised if the government made it a law soon, like with motorcycles...

Jenina said...

Laminate this letter! Laminate this letter yeah!!

Melissa B. said...

When I was a reporter on the hospital beat, the attendings in the ER called the trauma cases that came in "Helmet Head." Scary stuff. Golden Boy should be HAPPY that you're the "worst mother in the world."

What a coincidence...you're near me again on the SITS Roll Call!

WeaselMomma said...

You of all people know to well the dangers of head injury. As parents of tweens and teens, if they aren't angry at us on a regular basis we are not doing our job.

Gaston Studio said...

Oh My God! Who cares what he says as long as he wears the darn helmet! And get him a bal sac like Mo's although I don't know how you're going to make sure he has it on.

How long did it take for your anxiety levels to drop?

darsden said...

Music to a Moms ears...Let's her know she is doing her job and doing it very well.

As a cough 48 year old...I don't know how I survived. I rode a bike 24/7 evil kanevil (ms) style without a helmet or anything...hell as I grew up I never new what a seat belt was..I just thought mama's arm flying across hitting me in the chest was all the protection I needed..LOL

The Peach Tart said...

Good mommying....the kids really do appreciate all this when they get older.

CSquaredPlus3 said...

Good. For. You. Chris and I are helmet advocates and often, our sons are the only ones in the neighborhood wearing helmets. You're an excellent mother!

Scope said...

Could have made it all day without the phrase "his ball-sac ripped open" entering into my mind.

Thanks, I'm now going to start wearing a cup 24X7.

LuckyMe said...

My kids always get a lecture when I hear about bad things happening to other kids. I figure if I have to be a nervous wreck over all these incidents, they should at least know where my neurosis comes from.

Coffee with Cathy said...

Now, Deborah, I'm going to hear your voice in my head when I tell myself I don't need to wear a helmet becaust I'm just pedaling around the neighborhood for a bit. Thanks!!!

only a movie said...

My boy got into a minor bike accident (without a helmet, ahem) last month and we were lucky it was only stitches and a few hours in the ER...
He continues to refuse a helmet. So, his bike is locked up. I'm going to tell him the ball sac story now, maybe it will scare him into submission.

Mango Girl said...

Bal-sac ripped open? I am female and that hurts ME to think about...I am not sure I want to mention that one to Pale Rider.

Rock on, you evil mom!

Craig Glenn said...

Great job Mama! Now just make a note of this post for him to read when he has his own children. Then just relax lay back and revel in the sweet victory of a long overdue appoligy and those words that sooth the soul... "you were right mama..."

Craig Glenn

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

Moms know best. End of subject.

DI
The Blue Ridge Gal

Lucia said...

Yikes! I only know of three biking incidents but no ball sacs were harmed!

Alix said...

How insensitive of you Vodka Mom. Couldn't you have waited until GB's brains were hanging out of his ears before launching into your tirade? Visual aids are much more effective than raised voices.

Sheesh.

Sue said...

You know, you finally get through all the worries of your own kids with bikes and life,they grow up in one piece! Then do you know what happens next? Then you have grandbabies and you worry about them even more. My grandbabies though are girls, so no worries about "ball sacs", I love that phrase!
Sue

Julie said...

My response? "At least you won't be hating me from your grave".

Ball sac ripped? Oy vey!

buffalodick said...

I never wore a bike helmet until I was in my 30's and they made it a rule to get in a small triathalon.. I think it's more important to be careful while driving or riding anything, rather than count on an air bag, crash bumpers, or helmets... Having the right of way, or safety equipement will never take the place of being alert....

LPC said...

No question. No amount of eye-rolling in the world would stop me from laying down the law of I keep you safe.

Sandee said...

You are always going to be the worst mother in the world if you have rules of safe conduct attached. Good for you.

Have a terrific day. :)

Julia said...

Amen. I tell my kids all the time, "I'm your mother, not your friend and I don't care if you like me. My job is to raise you safely into adulthood."

Middle Aged Woman said...

Maybe he should consider a cup, too.

Vodka Logic said...

I actually had a 20 something year old tell me that she wished she had listened to her parents more often.. sometimes they do know things.

xx

Suzanne said...

It takes guts to be a Mom.....good for you for sticking to your guns!

The Mother said...

It's our job as parents to ruin the lives of our children.

Regularly.

IB said...

Sweet Jesus VM! Ball-sac ripped open?! I'm never getting on a bicycle again.

BTW- Irish Gumbo's comment: classic!

Real Live Lesbian said...

I wear my helmet when I drink vodka. ;)

Would-Be Bonus Mom said...

OMG that is a lot scary. I don't feel so bad about being the helmet nazi, now.

SkylersDad said...

Was there any more to the story after "ripped ball sack"? Because I went into a fetal position on the floor after that.

Birdie3008 said...

Exactly why our children need us to be parents not friends. Sometimes our kids hate us the most when we are doing our best. :)

Kate Coveny Hood said...

You are so unreasonable. Head trauma is nothing compared to the feeling of wind blowing back your hair.

But in all honesty - I haven't been on a bike since long before helmets were a must. I never had that fight with my mother. Not that I would have anyway since we used to just disappear for the day back then...

Ivanhoe said...

Yikes! I hope somebody reminds him about all the bad endings.
You know he loves you :o)

Anna Lefler said...

Oh, dear Lord. This makes my heart pound just thinking about it.

Keep it up, VM.

Off to put my helmet on right now...and I'm not even on my bike.

;-) Anna

Rena said...

Yikes -- there's just that time in kid's lives when they feel like they're invincible.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Amen sister.
Nobody said being a mother was about winning a popularity contest.

Suzy said...

Yeah yeah, no helmet, ball sac (whatever that is)hands free etc etc. You have almost 900 followers.

blueviolet said...

If nothing else, you'd think the ball-sac incident would have penetrated his uh...ball-sac and turned a light on upstairs.

Jennifer said...

Hoe. Lee. Crap. Scary!!!

His Sweetheart said...

1st time I land in your blog. It's awesome!!


Get used to seeing me here a lot lol

Tortuga said...

GO MOM!!!

Oz Girl said...

Oh my, I lost count of how many times I was voted worst mom. Every time I was nominated, I was secretly happy, because I knew it really meant I was the BEST mom. :) In fact, I was a bit concerned when he told me once, as a teen, his friends thought I was pretty cool - I eventually found out it was only because I listened to the same music they did. Whew...

Merrily Down the Stream said...

The beauty of it is Golden Boy will get over it - split ball sack? Not so much!

thatgirlblogs said...

I am so with you. I know of 2 people that died due to biking without helmets. Golden Boy will stay Golden thanks to you ;)

Renée aka Mekhismom said...

Wow, with all of those biking accidents I understand why you were so upset. And the ball sack thing? Horrible.

Laura said...

or our friend in the 8th grade that fell without a helmet and was in a coma for a month and nearly died???

just thought I'd throw in my 2 cents

SweetPeaSurry said...

You tell em sistah!!! That's right ... they might hate you now, but they won't hate you forever. You're a fantastic mom!

And ... and ... and ...

you said ball-sac ... he he!

Marinka said...

They scare the shit out of us, don't they?

The Mind of a Mom said...

the you are worst mother in the world club is a very honorable club and with three kids I am sure you have been in that club more times then you can even tell us about!! :o)
Oh I am in the club also.

Susan said...

Cripes, Vodka Mom! How do you let a boy forget the story about a ball sac being ripped open? That should be incorporated into the prayer at evening meal to say the least!

Cassie said...

One word: Awesome. Keep it up Mama.

Joanie said...

Ah, to be hated for many, many years to come. That, my dear, is music to my ears.

Da Goddess
dagoddess.com

Lee Ryan said...

Gahh! Ride the bike and become a eunuch!?!

Kids are full of hyperbole; I'm sure you're probably only the worst mother in the neighborhood. :-)

Jessica said...

Way to go Fragrant Liar for being first. Quite the accomplishment. Can't say I've been there.

Other than that...holy crap.

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

To be pronounced "the WORST mom" by my kid is my highest aspiration.

Mrs4444 said...

They don't make bike helmets for ball sacs, do they? I guess you could make him wear a cup...

AS Amber said...

Ya, sign me up for child protective services if that's what qualifies me as a bad mom.

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