Guest Post

Pssst. V-mom is on a "sister vacation" and while the cat's away, and all that..oh, and go see her Crystal Light Challenge!.

Introductions first...It's Nap Warden (Vodka Moms blog designer) I have a story I've been burning to tell, and I can't do it on my blog:P You know...family reads the blog...my potential sister in law will eventually find the blog...blah, blah, blah...Vodka Mom (saint that she is) offered to let me tell my story here (and it's crazy!)

Oh...first things first...Yes, now you can say that you've seen it (Vodka Mom, I was gonna get this image on your site one way or another) this is the first image I did for Vodka Mom's new look (yes, I drew it). I feel complete now that's it's at least in a post;)

Anyway...I'm gonna try to nutshell my story. I have a Bro, he's 43. For the last 6 years, he has lived with the same girl. I never particularly dug her. Basically she is a box of wine, with a carton of cigarettes on the side. Not to terribly social...and not really very much fun:(

So...Bro works the Beijing Olympics. While he's there, he meets a girl. She's from Honk Kong, but works and lives in Mainland China. They start a little Skype relationship. About 6 months ago, the bro dumps box of wine girl. Now he's free for long distance relationship with China Girl. (Yes, I have been singing China Girl by David Bowie for months now at him...it's what little sisters do, right?)

Well (and keep in mind, they have spent maybe a total of 4 weeks on the same continent) Friday, the Bro got on a plane, with a ring, and hauled off across the world to propose!

Let me back up for a second...I don't want to be bitter cat here. Really, I don't. I'm basically a sap. I want to believe in love at first sight, romance, and all that goes along with it. That said, there's some flags in this story that leave me wondering wtf!

First, there's this whole religion thing. I have no problem with religion. We are a Catholic Italian family (wayward Catholics to be exact). She is a Christian, heavy duty Christian. I have never met or talked to her...but my friends have told me (along with my Mom and Dad) they have checked out her Facebook Page...and she's all "praise Jesus this, and Jesus saves that"...total God Girl. I wonder, is this an issue? The Bro tends to live his life in complete denial...is he just looking the other way on this topic?

Second, I don't want to get too deep into this...but they haven't ever had, you know "coffee". This goes back to the religion thing (she does not believe in coffee before marriage). Is it me...it's kinda weird to marry someone you've never had, um, coffee with...right?

Third, the Bro has always said he didn't want kiddos. Truth be told, he's a really selfish guy. He's spent the last 43 years having the world revolve around him. So, I asked him "does China Girl want kiddos?" (she is 36, btw) He said "Yes, she wants kiddos, but there's no urgency there."

What!?! As a woman who waited 'til her late 30's to have kiddos, I can tell you...a single woman of 36 who wants kiddos...there's nothing BUT urgency!

Right now, the Bro is far far away, getting engaged. I'm not really quite sure how I feel about this? It kinda bugs me that I've never met her, spoken to her, been friended on Facebook...

The day before he left, I had lunch with him and asked him if he thought he might be rushing things a bit...He said "I've waited 43 years to get married." OK...what does that mean? Is this girl Mrs. Right, or has he decided he has to get married right now?

Bottom line...I want to be happy for my big Bro. Sad thing is...there's a piece of me that thinks he's making a HUGE mistake. Is the best thing I can do, just being there for him if this whole thing blows up in his face? Crazy...right?


Draft Queen said...

Oh my heavens.

I think it's in the air this year. It should be called "the crazy" instead of "love" (and holycrap I hope it's not true in my case but we go back years so we should be in the clear... ack! I'm babbling.)

Also. I'm a coffee every day kind of girl. I can't fathom getting married without tasting the brew first.

dizzblnd said...

WOW! Yeah.. sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. That is the ONLY thing you can do is be there for him. Because, even though he is your brother, above all.. he is MALE and they only think with their "coffee beans" so to speak soooooooooo all the talking in the world won't change his mind. It is unfortunately something he has to find out on his own.

Nice of you to guest post while she's kicked back oceanside!

Barrie said...

I wish you could go to China too. You seem like a very insightful person, and I think you could pick up a lot just by having lunch or sightseeing or whatever with the two of them. And then maybe, when you're both on foreign turf, you and your brother could talk. Pie in the sky thought, I'm sure. I mean, I certainly couldn't hop on a plane to China tomorrow. Will your brother email/skype you while he's there?

pamela said...

It's nice that you're concerned as a siser, but you have to let everyone make their own mistakes.
worrying about it is not going to make it any better nor change his mind, all it will do is drive you crazy. Trust me, I speak from experince....it only took my brother 9 years to figure out he made a mistake......but he figured it out.

Nap Warden said...

I am so not in a position to hop a plane to China (I have two toddlers in tow wherever I go):O

I'd like to think I'd feel better about it if I actually met her. I suppose only time will tell...That might be the oddest part. The Bro getting engaged to someone I've never met.

Kay said...

Maybe... possibly, this could work. I've heard less likely stories that have happy endings.
But wow - fast, and without coffee, and half a world away, and the whole religion/kids thing. Your bro must be damn sure of himself to be flying over to propose!!
I hope it all works out - and that Vodka Mom will please let you come back and tell us how it turned out!!!???

Angry Julie Monday said...

I'm at a loss for words. When you started talking about her Christianity, that freaked me out.

Cause you know I'm the lapsed Catholic type too.

He's nuts....

Kathy B! said...

Ohhh dear. There are a few flags...

But at 43, what can you do?!

Frogs in my formula said...

Uh oh. She didn't friend you on Facebook??


Deb said...

okay, um, HOLY SHIT! this is the craziest story EVER!!!!! and i am trying not to laugh (i SERIOUSLY feel for you and this insane situation), but i am picturing you at that damn ragu table with the weird, vegetable art centerpieces and mr. potatohead roaming around in the background telling us this wild story.

too much. i mean, ultimately he is a grown man and what can you do? but i am not one to talk... i just friggin found out that my 45 y.o. SUPER RELIGIOUS (and slightly judgmental) brother is an alcoholic and is about to lose his whole family.

if you need another guest post, so you can keep us posted, feel free to use my blog... i am dying to know how this ends up!

Deb said...

ps: i love your drawing. you are so talented!!!

pps: kids vs no kids should be a deal breaker. that's a tough one to get past.

Lora said...

while the religion thing needs to be addressed (because it's something she probably isn't going to compromise at all on, and they're going to have to figure out something that works for them), and the no coffee thing doesn't bother me as that's what *I* am doing...

the kids or no kids thing most definitely needs to be addressed.

I hope that they have some great pre-marital counseling and are able to make the decisions best for each of them individually as well as a couple.

Keyona said...

Wow! That sounds like a mess WAITING to happen. The question I would ask is if she does say yes (if she hasn't already) I would want to know why she is in such a rush as well...It sounds like there may be more to this story than you know.

darsden said...

Oh my... welcome to the right place to post this! LOVE LOVE LOVE THE NEW VODKA MOM DESIGN>....yes that is me screaming it cuz I love it that much.. Okay back to bro.. man how does he know if he likes her coffee it might not ...uhmm be strong enough.. might be too strong...uhmm I would have to have a cup myself before hand..kinda at least sample it...I am very picky about my uhmm.. coffee! They say uhmm coffee isn't everything..uhmm WTF.. it's like 98.99%.. somebody back me up on this coffee statistics..!! Then there is the fact will she move her coffee pot over to America or is he going to have to pack his uhmm cups up...

Not The Rockefellers said...

One part of me is rolling my eyes and making the Oh God face...once the novelty of the Skype/Facebook romance is over and they are in each other's faces 24/7 and she begs him to go Camp Kumbaya and he says Jesus Christ are you kidding me?...you know where this is headed

The other part is routing for them...maybe this is the real deal..

Jesus juice gotta be better than box o' wine, right?


Peace - Rene

Sandee said...

I'm with you on this one. I'd be asking the same questions.

The other thing I thought of was a way out of China and into America. Just saying.

I hope this turns out well, but wow it doesn't look all that good.

Have a terrific day. :)

Mike said...

This reminds me of a guy I use to work with when I delivered pizza. He met a woman in a chat room and the chatted for a while. I'm guessing a few weeks. Anyway he plans on going to see here in NY and he's in VA. He buys a ring and gives it to her when he gets there. He spends the week with her and learns he can't stand her. Then does all this plotting to try and get the ring back. I left the place and never knew what happened.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Hardest thing in the world: Shut up and pray. What else can you do. Anything else is a lose-lose situation.

Pastor Sharon said...

I am with Rockafeller on the whole religion thing. If your brother isn't a pushover, he will see through that QUICKLY!
From my background of experience in some jacked up religious senerios, the coffee before marriage thing could be chalked up to her religious "gotta show everyone I've got the goods" or she may be sincere about it. Either way, if she is so "hung up" on promoting her religion. . . it may not go very deep but very fanatical. There is a difference in advertising God and knowing him as your friend. Those who truly know him, live the life without having to "show off for Jesus". It's just in their everyday walk.
It would be a VERY HARD road for both the couple and the families if they don't clear up their religious differences in a way that honors each one of them. Chances are, if she is sooooo dogmatic about it, she will feel the need to convert him. That's been the experiences I have seen.
And your last paragraph is soooo true. Your brother has on blinders. Sounds like he feels the strong need to commit to marriage before he is older and it also sounds like he is settling for someone who has given him the warm-fuzzies. However, I can't imagine getting all warm and fuzzy with someone who is that fanatical. And give him the moment on the trip. If she's not real. . . it will probably show through.

Pastor Sharon said...

Smart mouth broad shows amazing wisdom in her post. I must say, I think we swapped hats here!

TheFeministBreeder said...

Okay, the "coffee" thing is HI-larious. And yes, he's probably making a monsterous mistake.

But why is SHE doing this? Can we say GREEN CARD anyone?

Sue said...

So great for Vodka Mom to let you post on her blog! We all need somewhere else to go when the family is lurking! Have you tried to 'friend' her on facebook? Don't wait for her to do it, get to know her! At least you don't have to deal with box wine anymore!

Suzy said...

Maybe she got flushed away in the Typhoon.

Nice, huh?

I can't post nice comments here, Vodka won't let me.


Mango Girl said...

Well, now isn't this special? (voice of the Church Lady)...

I wish him the best, however it turns out.

Please keep us posted...I truly want to know the end of this story...perhaps they can take over the Jon & Kate +8 time slot with this one.

FABULOUS drawing by the way!!!!

Sprite's Keeper said...

Ooh, this is a toughie. Great to be a caring sister, but should he grab life by the horns like he is? Maybe this is exactly what he wants, he just took his time in finding it out. My cousin is almost forty and just got his first girlfriend, not because he's anti-social, but because he just didn't want one! Great drawing! If I can ever afford you for my site, can you draw me too? With a smaller butt?

Mrs. D said...

I think it's awesome. I think when you feel it, you feel it. And being Catholic and being "Christian" are the same deep down. The traditions and rituals of worship are different, but the basic beliefs are the same, so don't sweat it. I'm Baptist and my hubby is Catholic and we get along just fine. Just be glad he didn't settle for a lousy boxed wine and a carton of Camels. :-)

Brian Miller said...

i got to this party way to late...who knows...maybe its love, and if so its grand...sounds like they have a bit to work through...its not like he is getting married this week, right? pray for bro...check her out, nicely...who knows...i like coffee...

Elenka said...

WHAT A STORY !!!! You MUST keep us posted somehow on how things turn out!
Maybe she will say NO!

Dee said...

Way too wierd....I would have to agree with you on CRAZY!!!!

Zip n Tizzy said...

O.K. First things first...
I love the picture, even if we only get to see it on this post. I also love what you've done that's been approved. You're a talent.

As for your brother, I guess only time will tell. If they marry is she coming here? If so, be as welcoming and accepting as you can. Ultimately if they stay together, it's in your best interest to be supportive of him. But, if things don't work out, he's going to need you just the same. He's 43 not 20 so at this point in his life I guess the most you can do is try to keep an open mind.
(Even though it freaks me out just reading about it and I'm not even related to you!)

Michel said...

Dooh! VM has like 1K followers, did you check to make sure she's not one of them!? haha

A guy here at the Embassy in Khartoum just married the sister of another guy here in Khartoum whom he met via facebook. They have seen each other a total of 3 R&R vacations.

Honestly, how many marriages actually work out when you DO know the person. Maybe it might work. It's weird...and will be awkward when you try to joke with her and she won't get it! ha

Can't WAIT to see my drawings now! yaay!

reinventingamy said...

honestly... it can't be any worse than those people who have only ever dated one person in their life and then MARRY THEM. ugh that annoys me. how in the world can you think they're "The One" when you haven't experienced jack shit elsewhere? ahem- my brother is totally in one of those relationships. my biggest fear is he'll one day propose. ugh. barf.

Scope said...

A 43 year old, never married guy proposing to a woman he's known for less than a year and hasn't spent a lot of time in the same place with? Crazy?

Well, the above is me. Cora and I have spent 13 days together so far, and I do plan to propose to her in the not to distant future. Swing by either of our blogs and read the story.

[But, yes, your brother is nuts.]

AS Amber said...

Ohhhhhh SNAP! No coffee before marriage? Kids or no kids? Not living on the same damn continent? Ya, I'm seeing red flags all over this sitch!

Unfortuneately, there's nothing you can do about it. But for sure keep us posted on what happens!!! We're all sick, twisted, nosy rosies!!

WeaselMomma said...

Keep in mind that your brother is a grown man and can make his own decisions. Who knows if she is 'the one' or not, besides him?
Secondly, you have not ever met this woman in person. Yet, you are judging her negatively for being a moral person who lives her faith the way all Christians (Catholics included) are called upon to do. You are also disappointed that your brother has respected her and her religious beliefs and cares enough about her not to pressure her to become wayward too.
Just another way to look at things.

JChevais said...

Brilliant drawing.

All you can do is tell your Bro your missgivings and then promise to respect his decisions and do everything you can to make your new SIL feel welcome.

Then? When it goes belly up? The told you so's will be that more satisfying...

♥ Braja said...

It always sucks when family does something SO stupid....you're a doll, you'll be there for him no matter what...

Twenty-Something said...

First, holy sh*t!

Second, My best friends uncle did this. He "courted" a woman from the Philippines on the internet. Now she lives with him in America, they've been married for 10+ years with 2 kids.

Sometimes this kinda stuff works out? Just try to show support. You don't want this getting in the way of your relationship with your family.

Nap Warden said...

Hmmm...WeaselMomma, I reread my post, and I am in NO way "judging her negatively for being a moral person" What I said was, religion is WAY more important in her life than his.

As far as my brother "respected her and her religious beliefs and cares enough about her not to pressure her to become wayward too" my fear is that he's proposing JUST to have coffee.

My point here was I'm worried for my big brother and the only thing I can do is watch. I have picked him up off the floor, more than once when woman drama rears it's head. As a blogger, I feel better when I get it out. I didn't want to do it on my blog, I'm sure one day she'll find it.

I truly, truly hope it works out for the both of them...but I think you misunderstand my point of view.

Real Live Lesbian said...

All you had to say was that they'd never had "coffee."

I'd never consider a woman without drinkin' her coffee first!

Cora said...

As I was reading this certain parts of it gave me chills of familiarity. A 43 year old fella.... a 36 year old gal.... the fact that they haven't spent much time together, yet, it obviously, feels perfectly right.... Well, as I see Scope already told you up there (hi, Scope!!) that's kinda our situation too.

Scope and I met on our blogs back in December. Soon we were emailing and talking on the phone, and I really can't explain it, but we just CLICKED.

In April he flew all the way from Chicago to Seattle to meet me, and when we met it felt like we'd known each other forever. We visit once a month. He's been to Seattle twice, and I'll be making my third trip to stay with him in Chicago next week. And maybe it sounds crazy, but somehow it's just right... except for the 2000 miles between us!!

So who knows, maybe your brother is onto something. :-)

WeaselMomma said...

I understand your concern for your brother, but he should be grown enough to make his own life decisions without much hand holding. If he's not, it's not for you to stress yourself about. I am sure that you have enough in your own life to juggle without raising a 3rd child. I do understand however your concern.
Where I feel that you go negative on her being a moral and religious person is that "they haven't ever had, you know "coffee". This goes back to the religion thing (she does not believe in coffee before marriage). Is it me...it's kinda weird to marry someone you've never had, um, coffee with...right?". Thinking it weird that she is a virgin or that he hasn't taken her out for a 'test drive' prior to marriage, based on her religious convictions is going negative before you have even met her.
If I were you, I would wait it out. He may marry her and be happier than ever or it mad be a bad mix, but without knowing her, you can't make a decision about what is best for him. Not that he would give you a say anyhow.

Nap Warden said...

Well I suppose I should have gone deeper into the story...She has had coffee before...just not with my brother...

Nap Warden said...

Cora and Scope...I hope the bro has found what you two have...I was just on Scopes blog...now I'm heading over to you Cora;)

Marinka said...

I don't understand decaffeinated relationships.

Anonymous said...

Yep... you just gotta BE there for him...

Wonder if she just wants a free ride to America???

class-factotum said...

my fear is that he's proposing JUST to have coffee.

There are other places to get coffee, even in China, aren't there?

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

OK, I don't want to sound like a perv or anything, but I'm having coffee RIGHT NOW!

Also? You can't stop him and you might make it worse if you try. All you can do is watch that train wreck and be there for him to help him pick up the pieces and WHATEVER YOU DO, don't say I told you so.

So red flags and all, wouldn't you rather he marry someone who is a God girl than a wine box? At least there's a chance she's REALLY REALLY nice.

Also? I like your woman in the glass picture!

- Margaret

essie said...

i think your big brother JUST might be my younger brother, who is recently engaged as well.
no job,
no insurance,
no car,
no nothing to a girl he met 4 months ago...
who has quit her job to move into my parents place to live with him...
think we're related!

Lee Ryan said...

The coffee thing might not be a big deal. Maybe it's just me, but the pre-marriage coffee was like soupy instant Sanka compared to the slow-roasted, grind the beans, pour the cream, stick-to-your-ribs taste sensation that comes with lots of trust, patience and no small amount of practice.

That said: yes. Pretty much all you can do is be there.

queenofphrump said...

The last time I got married to a guy without having coffee he turned out to be gay. So, it is my opinion that if your brother is not gay she will be just fine. hehehe

Scary. The whole marriage thing is scary. No matter how you look at it and no matter who the two participants are. Scary.

disa said...


Anonymous said...

Sorry to say...........sounds immature and crazy thing to do.
I have a friend that her son met a girl on myspace..........he is 24,she is 36 but looks like 28.
She is loco and has other kind of problems that follows when you are mental.
Don't get me wrong,mentally disable peopleneed love,but I think they should have met previuosly..........what if she gets pregnant and he still living at home,no job,no school..nada..,,,she is supported by her parents and doesn't work!!!
I think is crazy!!

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Hollywood Farm Films said...

That Chinese inscription up there is a little scary right? Arent you dying to know what it says??

WHat happened. I'm riveted!!

Oh I soooo need an outlet to vent my sis in laws transgressions towards me!! Oer ahould I say, Passive Aggression!

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lorimcktia.blogspot.com "Cottage By The Sea" said...

Just found Vodka Mom's blog and love it. Hopping around on hers I found this one that you wrote and man! 2 things.
1. You crack me up and I love your writing.
2. You are so lucky to have a place to vent where your family can't find you.
That story about your brother was riviting to me, I hope I get to find out what happened in the end. I could do an entire blog site about my brother in-law and his girlfriend now wifey. She's 42 and he's 56 and they can't wait to have kids! wtf? Okay, are you ready for this - his family never stops talking about how awesome that will be and how they can't wait. Okay, I'm done. I guess I had somewhere to vent where they can't find me either. Thanks.

Notes from a Broad said...

There are people who know each other all their lives, who share everything, religion, friends, likes and dislikes and they can marry and it can be a disaster.
And then there are people who are totally the opposite of each other and everything works.
I am an example of that ..
You love your brother and you want him to be happy. But you nor any of us, really knows what will make another person happy.
Often it is the last thing that would make Us happy..
So if you love him and want him to stay close to you, never say anything negative and or judgemental.
And whatever you think of Chinagirl, smile and act like you love her. Because you love your brother.
Wishing you all good luck ..