Just a word of warning: your sister, Sassy, is waging an INCREDIBLE campaign to take over your name. Just when I thought 17 might be the perfect age, she decided to REMIND me about what 17 year-old girls are really like.
Also, I would recommend that you either start treating me like crap again, or wave goodbye to the name “Bitchy” that you earned AND wore so proudly these last four years. This lovely young woman who is ready to go back to college is SURELY an impostor.
Quick, help me hide Sassy’s car keys! She’s grounded for at LEAST a year after last night’s screaming rampage. (I promised myself not to look her in the eye. Why do I forget that?)
Love, (And I really mean it this time.)