9/25/09

What Dads Teach Their Sons...


We have four kindergarten teachers at Smythe Elementary here in Smith, Oregon.


Yesterday we were all outside for our afternoon recess discussing an upcoming field trip. Most teachers have developed a unique talent of scanning a playground while carrying on a meaningful conversation. My eyes did the quick scan, and then I turned my attention back to Jane.


“Jane, don’t you have Frank Jones in your class?”


“Yes! He is just adorable.”


“Well, don’t look now, but that adorable boy is peeing in the bushes while carrying on a conversation with the kids on the climbing wall. I’d say that in addition to being cute, he’s awfully talented.”



“FRANK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, she screamed and off she ran.



Good thing she’s a runner.

73 comments:

♥ Braja said...

Obviously you're NOT in India....

Tammy Howard said...

I remember the scan and pan...

Live.Love.Eat said...

LOL. I am picturing it. Then I picture my 6yo just coming out of the pool and, not being able to get in the house quick enough, goes to the side of the grass and pees in the backyard. At least I know he doesn't even think about peeing in the pool.

Adding you to my blogroll. Wow, I haven't added anyone in a year!

Scandalous Housewife said...

Kinda the Kindergarten version of walking and chewing gum! I used to love it when my son and my 3 nephews would all line up and pee in the front bushes of my mother-in-laws house, who happens to be President of the Jr. League, Garden Club, etc. and the most ridiculously Southern proper women I've like, ev-uh, met! Ever seen a 95 pound women dressed in a Chanel suit blow a gasket? Perfect reason NOT to send your daughters to "Finishing School"

Kat said...

I guess it was better than in his pants, right?

CK Lunchbox said...

You could probably re-title this, "Why Dads Envy Their Sons."

CSY said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! When we lived in the country and had a pool, there was a tree we dubbed the 'Pee Tree' - the boys used it to potty. Imagine my surprise when we moved into town and as I'm walking out the door to get something else, I scan the yard and there were my 2 boys on opposite sides of the tree, just a peein'! Had to QUICKLY expalin that we weren't in the country any more and that city people go in the bathroom...of course, it took a couple of times before they understood why...

Mrs. D said...

He sounds like an efficient little guy. Recess doesn't last forever, you know!

Jeff D'Antonio said...

See? Women always say guys are lazy - we aren't lazy, we're efficient. He was multitasking, and he was saving all those wasted steps to and from the restroom. That's efficiency.

Good man.

KekeLynn said...

Well, we know who's fault that is!!! hahahaha

Little boys always trying to be like their dad's.

Keyona said...

LOL! Sure is convienent though. Maybe the one in my oven will be a boy and dad can teach him those kinda tricks!

FRANNIE said...

Laughing - atleast he was near a bush instead of in the middle of the playground. :)

Sprite's Keeper said...

As long as noone got caught in the stream, what's the harm? :-)

The Good Cook said...

ah gee... boys will be boys...

CatLadyLarew said...

The same thing happened at our school... although when the aide approached the little boy to tell him to stop, he turned around, spraying her!

Secretia said...

They learn that even before they learn how to masturbate. And they never stop doing either one! :)

Steven Anthony said...

Secretia...I as a man must agree with you wholeheartedly;)

vodka...great post, again I snorted;)

Rick Daley said...

It's best in the winter when we can write our names in the snow.

Carolyn...Online said...

All I could think when I read that was, "I hope she changed all names and ficionalized all towns."

Stupid internet finding us all the time with their stupid search engines.

Brian Miller said...

lol. when Logan was young, we were traveling back to my parents house, about a 4.5 hour trip. in the middle of nowhere he had to use the restroom, so we pulled over to find a bush. he refused because you are not supposed to pee outside. had to fly as fast as i could to the next gas station.

of course once we established it was ok in emergencies, we then had to teach what an emergency actually was...

That One Mom said...

Hahaha!! Nature Potty at school! That is a new one!!

I once had to have a long talk with The Boy about where it is ok to Nature Potty...

Angie Ledbetter said...

Frank Jones, future politician??

staceyjwarner said...

I was amazed when Cole believed he could just pee anywhere...first thing I had to "unteach" him...glad to know I'm not the only one.

phd in yogurtry said...

Boys gotta leave their scent.

Will be thinking of you this afternoon -- vodka soda & prickly pear. TGIF Salut!

Anna See said...

What a great multitasker. Aren't men amazing. Of course, I'd bet he won't be able to find his shoes in the morning, even if they are right in front of him. Or maybe that's just at my house.

adrienne said...

Talented, indeed! A real whiz kid.

Midwest Mommy said...

At least it wasn't poop, lol!

Stereos and Souffles said...

Being a boy is so easy.

Snappy Di said...

Hee hee heee. Time to send a note home to his mom?

LOL
Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

My boys pee outside every. Chance. They get. They love it! I feel like I should just start taking them out on leashes.

Linda said...

My 30 year old son had some friends over for a barbecue last week while he was home visiting. I made sure the bathroom was clean, but I shouldn't have bothered!

Jennifer Juniper said...

I posted this summer about how my boys (and husband) peed their way across the Laurel Highlands during a long weekend vacation that included hiking and biking.

No lie, I have those 4 peeing in nearly every picturesque setting. I guess I'm just used to it now. I've always wanted to use one of those pics for our Christmas card: "Pees on Earth..."

Irish Chick Soup said...

My nephew is public peer. I don't undertand, because I'm not a man. So he tells me. He's 5.

confused homemaker said...

Have you ever read the book Dirty Bertie? One of the things he does is pee in the flowers & then the water comes on. My sons laugh so hard at that book...boys:D

Captain Dumbass said...

You're just jealous he can multitask.

madtexter said...

Nothing wrong that. I say teach them 'multitasking' while they're young!

Gayle said...

Was my 3-year old on your playground? I'm working on getting him to not pee on the stairs and go ahead and take it to the end of the sidewalk. Love boys!

@eloh said...

Very skillful indeed. Reminds me of my youngest sons "mistakes" with outdoor peeing.

The Stiletto Mom said...

It's not really considered embarassing until your son tries to pee in a topiary in a very nice hotel. Not that I know that or anything.

*ahem*

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

Our old neighbors were very particular about how respectful their kids were...they were only to call us Mr and Mrs...and if they were over swimming and had to pee, it was ok for them to get out of the pool, and pee on our fence...WTF?? I'm glad they aren't our neighbors anymore.

Joanna Jenkins said...

And there's another reason I don't have kids!
I don't run.
:-)
xo

Trooper Thorn said...

Contrary to public opinion, upright public urination is a behavior that is inherited, not learned. It's a dad's job to teach them to reserve that activity for roadside rest stops and ball park urine troughs.

We do teach them to fart though.

Anne said...

Had a third grader unzip and relieve himself on the wall of the building... not in soft grass where the evidence would be absorbed. Kinda hard to explain the wet spot on the side of the building...busted.

Joanie said...

At least he wasn't pooping.

justlori2day said...

Oh how I have missed you and your kindergarten antics! I STILL wish I lived in Oregon when J was in K just so he could have YOU as a teacher! My baby is growing up however - now in 1st! :) lo

Oh, and the peeing thing? Whenever we camp or go somewhere non urban he asks if he can pee on a tree. OY!

Beth said...

Every year, we have several of those boys who pee on the playground like puppy dogs. Golden showers!

Melissa B. said...

Hmmmmmmmm...Sounds like a Splash & Dash to moi...

flutter said...

what's wrong with a little multitasking?

Suzanne said...

this child will grow up to be a very successful corporate manager.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Man, the older I get, the more jealous I am of how easy it is for men to pee...

Chief said...

I am here from Sits. Have a great weekend.

WhisperingWriter said...

I suppose it's a good thing that it wasn't poop.

WeaselMomma said...

That is adorable!!!!!

ModernMom said...

Bwhaha When you gotta go...

Joanie M said...

Marking his territory?

Bethany said...

Hehe, sounds very familiar to me! I do the playground-scan-while-talk daily :) Talented kid, there!

Gabriel said...

My son is only four months, but the day he does that, he's getting a high-five and a beer.

Jeanne said...

Perhaps you can translate this for me....

"Can I help you, ma'am?" asked the nice man in the office.

"Why, yes," I said. "I'm Kylie A's grandmother, and I'm here to pay for her pictures."

"Ah," he said. "Kylie A."

"You know her?" I said. After all, she's only been in school for 4 weeks now.

"Oh, we all know Kylie," he said.

And, as if that weren't enough, he went on to add, "She's a piece of work, that one."

Since you speak Schoolish, can you tell me exactly what he meant?

Jack said...

That is one of the gifts of being male. It is great fun, no really, it is. :)

Otin said...

What good is a hose if you can't use it!? hahaha!

Otin said...

I had to wait for an even number! I am number 1100!!!!

The Mind of a Mom said...

Oh the world is their toilet at that age! LoL
I was walking over to the parquet when I saw a little guy do just the same thing, he got off the climber, walked to the wooden edge of the play area and started to pee. As I was walking up with the dog, his mom jumped up immediately and all red faced started to say sorry. I smile and told her it was okay - "that's what boys do" - she smiled and thanked me

Junkstylediva said...

I think I saw Frank's dad peeing on the side of highway 5 during rush hour yesterday.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

When we were little, my brother and I played in a park a few blocks away from our building (this would be back when it was normal to let your seven year walk to the park without parental supervision). The park was raised up and surrounded by chain link. One day my mom went looking for my brother and as she came around the corner, she saw him and two other little boys standing with their backs to the park (but facing the chain link and therefore the street) having a little group pee.

I think it's just a boy thing.

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

It is a total boy thing. And there's no age limit on this weird "boy" thing. Otherwise, for the "big" boys, we'd have no need for the drug Flowmax (although spelled, however discretely, "FLOMAX").

"We have four kindergarten teachers at Smythe Elementary here in Smith, Oregon." --

Nice Columbo work, Vodka Mom. You've totally thrown us off the trail. Now we're digging around in Wasilla, Alaska. Harrumph.

Carrie said...

My son was caught doing that in Kindergarten. But our teachers weren't as understanding.

he now has a letter in his permanent school record for "exposing himself".

Apparently, he went to the school door to go into the bathroom and was told but a GRADE THREE student that he was not allowed in the school at lunch break. So he did what every country boy would do, went in the bushes.

We spent 2 days arguing with the school, principal etc. to not have him EXPELLED. They ended up giving him 3 noon hour detentions and put the letter in his file.

BOY - that was 10 years ago and I am still pissed!!!

Annabelle said...

Haha I love it! A multi-tasking little man - new generation?

vicki archer said...

Good thing he was in the bushes....xv

Melissa B. said...

Snuggled up close to you in the SITS Roll Call this a.m.! A dreary Sunday a.m. over here, but I've got a solution. My Silly Sunday Sweepstakes is up and running!

A Veritable Mexican Standoff

Coffee with Cathy said...

Oh, thanks, Deborah -- now I have something else to look forward to with my grandson, 18-month-old Capt. Adorable. He's just now learning what "Go potty?" means. I can just see his delight when he figures out he doesn't always need the potty.

Gretchen said...

You have a fantastic blog! I love it and you made me laugh! I love my martini's too: Kettle One, very dirty martini. I'll be back for more reading with my feet up and martini in hand. ~Gretchen

Fragrant Liar said...

And Frank's a little pisser!

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