10/23/09

Mom, can we talk???


You know how the momma Grizzly Bear will attack anyone who threatens her young, and will rip them apart with her bare hands?


I totally get it.


Sassy: “Mom, I have something I need to tell you. I think I’m being stalked. Well, I KNOW I’m being stalked. You remember Georgie Peorgie? He’s been texting me, and Facebook stalking me and won’t leave me alone.”

Me: “ What? WHAT????!!! How long has this been going on?????”

Sassy: “For a long time. Since last year, but now I’m really scared. When I was downtown the other day I looked up and he was in a car beside me riding very slowly! And he also showed up at school one day (he graduated a year ago) and cornered me after one of my classes! Mom, I am scared all the time and I don’t know what to do.” Then, the tears were flowing...

At this point in our discussion I started majorly freaking out. I listened as she told me how many times she has run into this boy, about how he lives with his father in a town 40 miles AWAY and I have got to tell you all how much this has SCARED ME TO DEATH.

I explained to her that THIS WAS STALKING. This is the kind of thing that people DO report to the police and then the wheels in my head started turning.

Tightwad’s younger brother is a STATE TROOPER in a neighboring town. Called him. Sassy’s godfather is an agent with the Attorney General’s office and lives nearby. Left a message for him. I called the principal at the high school and left a message. I don’t think it’s out of the question to find out how a PERSON WHO DOESN’T GO TO SCHOOL THERE can get in and find my daughter. Is it?


Then, the weirdest thing happened. Last night I attended Sassy’s high school homecoming parade. It was attended by hundreds and hundreds of people, (it’s a rather large high school – 700 seniors) and I watched the stadium fill up for the awards ceremony after the parade. The stadium is in the middle of our little college town here in Oregon, and they close most of the streets for it. The stadium is kind of sunken, and you can observe what’s going on through the large iron fence that surrounds the stadium. The area from where I was watching was PACKED. Imagine my surprise when I turned to my right and saw the STALKER standing BESIDE ME.

That’s right.

I quickly turned and looked toward the field. “What to do?” I wondered. It didn’t take long to decide. I turned to him.

“Georgie?” I said. He looked at me and smiled.

“I’m Sassy’s mom. Remember me?” He looked a bit surprised, and said, “Yes!”

I looked him in the eye and said “You are scaring Sassy and you are scaring me. You need to STOP texting her and stalking her. If you don’t, we will have to go to the police.”

“I know, I know. I will. I’m sorry.” And he looked a bit surprised and embarrassed, but kept standing there. I decided I needed to go stand somewhere else.


Am I scared for Sassy? Yes. Have we done all we can do? I don’t know. Will I forget about this? No.

It’s times like this I am NOT happy that Tightwad is working away from home. But frankly, that boy is *&%$ lucky that he wasn’t with me last night.


If he had been, they’d still be searching for him.



103 comments:

The Stiletto Mom said...

So scary!!! Take action as soon as you can, he sounds scary!

Chris said...

How frightening! I can't imagine how I'd feel if one of my kids was being stalked. I had a stalker when Chris and I were first married. It was terrifying. The stalking laws aren't as "tight" as they should be. Stay on top of this, Mama! I know you will!

Melinda said...

That is so scary! Personally I would make a report with the police anyway. Not much will likely come of it but I wouldn't want my first call to the police in a situation like this to be a missing person's report. I will pray for you and Sassy that it NEVER comes to that.

SkylersDad said...

This is definitely stalking! You need to make sure that you report this kid, if for nothing else to get a complaint into the system. That way if you need to step up the pressure on him, there is a record of his activities.

only a movie said...

I would report this to the police. They more than likely have someone who will pay attention to cyber stalking too.
And there is NO WAY a person who is not a student should be allowed in that building!
Good luck. How unnerving.

FRANNIE said...

Report it to the police anyway.

Better over react than to wish you had.

Wendi said...

I agree with Frannie. No harm in overreaction. He obviously knows he's doing something he shouldn't.

PurestGreen said...

I agree with the others - make a report. Have something on paper with the authorities. This kid should know you are not joking. Your daughter probably thought she was over-reacting but she did the right thing by telling you.

Deep breath. He will fear THE WRATH OF THE MOM.

3 Men and a Lady said...

Yes, REPORT this now. Get in on file. This does not mean you must press charges, but just lets them keep him in check. The more you have on him the better. Write stuff down. Have the police interview her, just in case.

My own MOM has a stalker, I found out today. My 56 yo MOM. Scary. There are many weirdos out there.

Rick Daley said...

Don't get mad. Get even.

The Mind of a Mom said...

Take Action immediately!
Get a restraining order! (not that a piece of paper can stop him if he is determine but it is a start)
Track every where and every time he is seen or is near her and make sure to call the police ever single time. What starts out innocent can escalate so fast. And your talk with him may have seemed to be received innocently by him but as he has had time to think it, "embarrassment" can turn to anger or rage and he may act upon it. Have her sit and try to remember dates he has been around (even in the past if she can remember) when he had no business being around. I know the laws here are different then the laws there, but the one thing that is not different is that this is a very real danger.
We'll just call me speaking from experience!
Make that call now!

ChiTown Girl said...

OMFG! This is scary as hell! I agree with everybody else - report this!!! Keep a paper trail going, and let him know you are serious as a heart attack!

Keely said...

Get it on record. If you and Sassy ARE overreacting (which I doubt), there will be no harm done.

jessica said...

i thought this story was going to end with you explaining how the kids use the word "stalking" nowadays just to mean he has a big crush on her. oh my god how scary! i agree better to overreact and look stupid than underreact and look sorry. wow. and for him to just be like oh yeah, i know i should stop that....what??? no, it's stop or be stopped buddy.

Jeanne said...

I hope your conversation was enough to bring him to his senses. If not, you've taken the first steps.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Whoa! I'm with everyone else-- Get it all on the recored ASAP. Write everything down. Actually TALK to everyone you left messages for and get answers and guidance on what to do next. And you know the drill--never walk home alone, safer in groups, etc. And mace, mace is good too.
xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxo

Under the Influence said...

Oh my. I have no advice that is different from everyone else's. Maybe she needs a stun gun?

Mainly a midwife said...

Good for you for acting on it. And for speaking to him directly.

The Seeker said...

I've had a stalker. This is what you need to do. You need to get the school to serve him with a no trespassing order. This is short of a restraining order -- but will keep her safer at school. Then he will be unable to go on school grounds without being arrested. You also need to file a police report. Sassy and you need to keep a record of times he tries to contact her or appears. Because if it doesn't stop, you need evidence in order to get a restraining order. Also document times he was told to leave her alone. You can also get a no trespassing order for your property. I wish you the best of luck. When I went through this, I was in college and my guy friends walked me everywhere, even in daylight. But the no trespassing orders were enough to scare him off thankfully. (This guy called my parents and told them what I was wearing on different days, photographed me, called me on unlisted numbers, and waited outside my dorm. He wasn't even a student. He went into reverse and hit my car in order to talk to me). I don't say this to scare you, I say this so you don't wonder to yourself "is this taking it too far". There's no too far in protecting your kids, especially when they feel threatened.

Gigi said...

Oh my hell!! I have nothing new to add to what anyones already said; but maybe tell Sassy not to go ANYWHERE alone?? Y'all are in my thoughts!

Vodka Mom said...

Thanks for the suggestions- I spoke to our undercover agent friend and he is picking us up to go to the police station tomorrow.

FIRST THING in the morning.

Keri said...

The only other thing I have to add is make sure you get Sassy's age and the stalker's age on the record. This could give you extra ammo if you need it. Also, make sure Sassy's Facebook privacy settings are maxed out. Request that her friends max out their settings too (otherwise he can track her from their comments on her page if he's friends with one of her friends). Good luck and I hope that this ends quickly and safely!

slouchy said...

Oh my God. Here? In Oregon? SIGH.

pseudosu said...

I was stalked when I was 16, before there were cell phones or anti-stalking laws, and it literally changed me from a happy-go-lucky "good girl" into a drug abusing overly street-wise warrior. I didn't want to tell my parents and tried to handle it myself. I'm SO GLAD your daughter felt comfortable telling you. I'm sure having you in her corner will make all the difference.

Life As I Know It said...

Listen to your daughter (I know, you are) and if she is telling you she's scared and has a bad feeling, then you have to do something.
When I was 16 I was in a bad relationship and didn't tell anyone. When it got really bad, I tried to tell someone, but wasn't heard.
Listen and follow your instincts.

Renée aka Mekhismom said...

If he is on campus he can be arrested. Please let her know to report him the next time he comes to her school. I have personal experience with this type of thing. Not good. Not good at all.

Homemaker Man said...

Just make sure you take out a restraining order. A paper trail will make it a lot easier for the cops to come down on him if he doesn't stop. Creepy kid. And judging by his reaction, this is probably not a kid who is going to stop with out the police getting involved, I am sorry to say.

Vodka Logic said...

Oh my, how scary. You definitely need to report it to the police.

It is good she told you..Good luck.
And if you need some blogger moms on his ass let us know.
xx

Rena said...

Keep on this and keep up with the phone calls and good luck. Your daughter is in my thoughts and prayers.

American in Norway said...

Good going mom! At least he didn't try to defend himself.. maybe now he realizes how CREEPY he is being! Your in my prayers!

Secretia said...

Sray aware of things, have a defensive plan for your child, contact sex crimes unit of the police dept.


I'll pray that things go fine for your family.

Secretia

Sheila said...

Oh, I am so sorry. You MUST report him to all authorities: school, police, etc. Make sure her coach knows who he is and what he looks like. Tell her to "buddy up" with her friends for walking anywhere, even the restroom if he can get on campus. The laws are better but not where they need to be.
You and your family are in my prayers.

Vodka Mom said...

GREAT advice about the coach, Sheila. I didn't think of that.


WILL DO.

AJ said...

I am so sorry this is happening! How scary!! Man, if it were me, I would be choking that kid before I knew what was happening... Good job on the fast action! Great advice in here too! I hope that his shame and embarrassment help him stop stalking her! If not... I'm driving to Oregon... maybe YOU won't have to do anything! >:o}

Jeve (aka John and Steve) said...

You go Mama Bear. Make sure Tightwad has mace with her- not to alarm, but better to be safe. I can't believe that guy, but glad it's out in the open that you know his stalker ways. Man I wanna sock him for messing with your family!

Diane J. said...

Holy Crap! Sorry to hear that your girl is going through this, you are all in my prayers. I don't have much to add to what the others have said, but maybe remind your girl that a ball is a ball, and if she kicks hard like she's going for the goal, he'll likely be down for the count (should she ever have to go that far - sending prayers it never does, but just remind her she has strong legs).

mo.stoneskin said...

Get your man to deal with it (I forget his name). Seriously. That is scary, but delegate, get him to make the necessary calls. Is he as freaked as you?

Alex said...

Report it anyway, at least it'll be on record. You never want to say what if.

or

If he keeps doing it, punch his lights out. Boys are stoopid.

Mrs. K said...

"I know, I know I will. I promise?" WHEN? is what I want to know- don't overlook this- and I don't mean to freak you out even more. Pull whatever strings you have to pull to protect your girl. Those guys turn crazy in like no seconds...and I hope to God he stops- this is getting me incensed. Sorry.

♥ Braja said...

Hey, that's not cricket, girl...step on this guy. Even after being told bluntly and honestly, he still stood there? Not healthy, my friend...you're totally right to be alarmed...this kinda shit is out there...

You didn't tell me TWad was working away from home...

otin said...

You warned him. I would tell your Daughter to let you know if he does anything else that would be classified as stalking and then report him to the authorities. I think that one chance is all he gets!

Sue said...

That is freaky. I guess I would rather over react then under react in a situation like this. I might have popped him one right then and there. Good for you to say something to him though!

Snappy Di said...

Don't hesitate... make a police report... seriously.

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

Joanie M said...

I was glad to read that you ARE going to the authorities with this.

Sue said...

Well shit, parenting is never easy, but add THAT stalking stuff and it would be terrifying. Sounds like you are doing the right thing, and hope this all ends soon. You all take care!!

Char said...

Do it NOW-report it. Also, talk to your brother-in-law. You can't be over reactin when it comes to someone stalking. DO IT NOW!

Irish Gumbo said...

Thoughts and prayers with you, dear. And yeah, involve the police. Make sure that a'hole knows he's being watched, too.

Anne said...

My BFF's husband is a police officer. He wants Sassy to take a self defense class IMMEDIATELY. It will give her the confidence she needs (God Forbid she need it) in case of an emergency. It will help her feel less out of control. And, yep...nice work on calling the police...the principal...and anyone else who will listen. I am so impressed that you thought quick enough to talk to him... you would have lost more sleep if you hadn't. I'd be so tempted to start stalking him to make sure he wasn't stalking my daughter! New phone number maybe? I will keep Sassy in my prayers. Uck - yuck!

Laoch of Chicago said...

Scary

Angie Ledbetter said...

Does the creepoid have a record? Start documenting EVERYTHING...texts, contacts, sightings, calls, etc. You know the one with the most paper in court wins, right?

phd in yogurtry said...

Creepy and scary! Gavin DeBecker's book, The Gift of Fear, talks about assessing the risk of stalkers and offers advice for victims.

Oh My Goddess said...

You did a good job! Confronting him was good.
xo

Draft Queen said...

That is some scary freaking stuff right there.

Getting By Day by Day said...

I would have ripped him a new one right there at the stadium! I agree with everyone else here. Definitely report it to the police!

feefifoto said...

No, you haven't done all you can do. Call the police.

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

Call the police, girl, post haste.

Something is wrong with that boy,

Captain Dumbass said...

You need help with the body just give me a call. That's what friends are for.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

I agree with all of the above. Not worth messing around with. You are my hero for confronting him and not ignoring it.

WhisperingWriter said...

Woah, that is creepy.

I really hope he leaves her alone.

flutter said...

that kid needs some counseling, and you need a restraining order against him. Immediately.

Stacie said...

I am glad you confronted him. At least he knows HE'S being watched now. What a creep! My prayers are with you.

Tammy Howard said...

My heart was in my throat as I read this. Good luck!!!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

You did the right thing contacting police, principal and ag staff. Stay on it. Be sure to tell Sassy to document all the contact she gets from the stalker. And tell her NOT to respond no matter what he says. In his mind, any attention is still attention.

Jan said...

Do NOT trust this boy to stop just because you spoke with him. Make a formal complaint with the police and take out a restraining order against him, and do it NOW before this kid does something dangerous and stupid.

NOW, VM. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

Brian Miller said...

that was way too calm of a response by him...i agree...dont trust it...make the complaint...scary stuff!

Brian Miller said...

that was way too calm of a response by him...i agree...dont trust it...make the complaint...scary stuff!

Annabelle said...

Oh VM how horrible for "Sassy"! What a weirdo this guy is, and you were courageous in confronting him. I'm so surprised that he said "I know." - admitting straight away that he was a stalker! Everything will clear up soon. Good action-taking :-)

Ladybird World Mother said...

Scary... do something else. Just in case. He may be totally harmless but you just dont know. xxx

The Good Cook said...

Go to the police... NOW. This is serious. Get a protective order - make sure this boy AND his father understand that you will NOT allow this to happen.

You are a good mom for recognizing the seriousness of this. Now go - DO. Protect.

The Good Cook said...

ps. The boy needs help. His father (and mother?) need to be made aware of his actions.

Mskgoeswest said...

Wow. Until resolved, buddy system everywhere. Make her think of friends that are in two classes in a row. Out on the town with only friends or bitchy present . Goodluck to your family

buffalodick said...

Doesn't anyone just kick somebody's ass anymore? Nothing is more instructional and to the point! Of course, I'm from Michigan...

Christine said...

Yikes! I can't imagine how scary this must be for you guys! I think you should give the police a heads up anyway. You can't be too careful. And get Sassy some Mace!

Much love and good luck!
♥ xtine
http://www.stuffbyxtine.com

Sara said...

That's terrifying. I hope that whatever forces brought him to be seated directly next to you are the same ones that will make him listen to you and stop it.

IB said...

My niece was in a similar situation. She and her mom went to the police and that did the trick. Still, very effing scary.

Debbie said...

That is terrifying and I think you are right to do everything you can. My daughter has a minor stalker and it freaked me out too.

Magpie said...

Crap. I hope the police were helpful this morning.

Bethany said...

Oh my gosh, that's really scary! I hope the police can help you out and the kid stops stalking.

Kelly@TearingUpHouses said...

Good for you for saying something! I'm glad you took this seriously.

Kelly

Tara R. said...

That's terrible! Good for you being so proactive in stopping this boy.

Ann's Rants said...

Vodka,

I'm so impressed. You handled that EXACTLY right, and I doubt if she will hear boo from him again.

I am very very proud of both of you and hugely relieved. You guys were both so brave--Sassy for telling you, you for breathing and listening, and then telling him that you guys are on to him and that he needs to stop in a way that he could hear.

Bravo. BRAVO!

Meandering Mel said...

Very proud of you, and scared for you as well. I had a guy trying to stalk me in high school, and one time when he called me, I told him I would call the cops, and if he ever showed up at my house that I would have a shotgun with me (my brothers each own several). After making my threat back, I never heard from him again.

Good job on staying cool and collected, and telling him to stay away. (As well as seeking advice from police and others)

Hope he realizes that he needs to stop. Good luck to you and Sassy

Midwest Mommy said...

Whoa! I can't believe he admitted it to you and then still stood there. That is scary. Ugh!

*Lissa* said...

How do you not pop his ass? That is scary. I don't know how I would react if this was happening to my daughter.

xoxo

Laura said...

So scary!! Prayers for you all!

A Mom on Spin said...

One of our worst nightmares, huh?

It's times like this that I wonder why we let our beautiful, precious, daughters have facebook pages at all. . .

I hope she deactivates hers for a while. . .

darsden said...

extremely scary!!! Maybe now he will get the point and take a hike, but don't let your guard down... his elevator doesn't go to the top.

So, PROUD of Sassy coming to YOU!!! Brilliant Young lady you have there!

CatLadyLarew said...

I'm so glad that Sassy said something! Good for her. And good for you for confronting Georgie.

Linda said...

Wow--that's intense! Someone suggested she up her "security" on Facebook--check with her & see if she has any other online things like Twitter, too.

You are SO lucky that she told you about it. The picture you posted with the blog is dead-on...now that you know, you can help protect your "cub"...

Good luck & you will be in my thoughts!!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

That is beyond scary. Especially when he acknowledged it and said 'I'll try'. Try, nothing, just do it and stop.

I'd be wondering how he was able to get onto school property and corner Sassy, too. That's so wrong on so many levels.

Keeping you and Sassy in my thoughts and prayers! ((HUGZ!))

the mama bird diaries said...

How scary!! You are a good mama.

lifelove'n'wine said...

I found this post through FeeFiFoto Blog. I am so sorry that this is happening to your daughter and I hope that you are able to get help soon. I can't imagine how scared you must both feel. You'll be in my thoughts.

me in the pink said...

OMG. That is so scary. I am so glad that you are going to file a report - it is the only legal protection that you have.

Might want to think about getting a gun license. I had my daughter go for gun training with me as soon as she turned 18. She can't own a gun until she is 21, but she knows how to use one, and where to find it in the house if she needs it. Sounds extreme, but you have to be ready and able to protect yourself.

She had a stalker (briefly), and we were able to curb it quickly b/c we found out about it so fast (and he didn't have enough of a chance to find out everything about her). BUT - we did have to kill her cell phone # and get her a new one and get a new Facebook account (and made it private with only people that WEREN'T "friends" on FB with him). And she stopped riding the bus - we had to shift work schedules to pick her up.

Scary shit. I'm so sorry this happening to your family.

The Crazy Baby Mama said...

you're one bad-ass mama :)

your family is very lucky.

Carolyn...Online said...

Holy shit Vodka. I kind of want to buy and illegal taser gun and mail it to Sassy.

*Akilah Sakai* said...

So sorry to hear about this! How awful, but you are taking the right steps instead of just taking it lightly as "excessive" puppy love or something. He is clearly out of bounds!

Kate said...

After working with teenagers for over 10 years, I applaud the relationship you have with your kids. I was usually the recipient of such a declaration and then I'd sit and wonder why on earth these kids couldn't tell their parents. But thank God, they found SOMEONE who they could tell. It's terrifying for everyone involved.

Cora said...

OH MY GOD. People like that are TERRIFYING. My ex stalked me for quite some time. You're right, it's scary. I say report him. And I definitely think you did the right thing by confronting him.

Stella said...

I had a stalker in H.S. and I had to have a teacher walk me out to my car everyday after school. The teacher's classroom was right next to my locker, so he always was watching out for me...and the stalker. You did the right thing by confronting him. Good for you.

Pastor Sharon said...

Okay, this is like reading my story. A couple of days ago, I posted a hodge podge of stuff in a blog. Including random thoughts, I wrote that we have been burglarized twice within three days (last Friday night and again on Sunday).

Saturday night, between the two burglaries, I recieved a couple of texts ( including sexual harrassment from someone who attended my church from (Oct 2008 until Feb or March of 2009). Never would I have thought I would ask someone to never come to church. However this person, would call, non-stop ALL hours of the day and night, really needy and draining!

Short version, It was that same person who texted me between burglaries.

I called the police. They came to our home at 2am. Called the harrasser. Informed them that complaints had been filed and if the person ever stepped foot in our yard or called or text my phone again, that person would spend an indefinite amount of time in jail.

I'm freaked out! Everytime to house creaks, a door jars, the wind blows the wrong way, I want to call the police.

cw2smom said...

OMG! I cringed reading this and your entry today which linked to it! Haven't been here or blogging in quite some time, but feel compelled to comment! The poor girl and to think it's been going on for so long and she hadn't shared it with you! I was stalked for 5 years in the early 80s by a co-worker and it was horrifying. I told my family that if I died in a mysterious accident or strange way..that he was responsible. Tried EVERYTHING imaginable to get him to stop and nothing worked. We had no sexual harassment policy in my State department at the time, but when it came in after 5 years of that horror, I filed a complaint on him and at least the overt part stopped! It was a very horrible part of my young life and I am thrilled that we now have stalking laws and I hope that you and Sassy use them to the fullest extent! May she be safe and aware! I'd like to recommend an excellent book for women (everyone actually) about following your gut instincts when it comes to people and situations, entitled, The Gift of Fear, by Gavin DeBecker. It's an easy read and it could save a persons life, if they learn to trust what they feel about people, even those they've just met. Amazing book! Blessings to you and yours! Lisa

loving bingo said...

so scary! I hope he really stops stalking your daughter. This is a nightmare for the family. Even if he hasn't done bad, but really we don't have to wait for that to happen! Why in the first place was he stalking her? Why not just befriend her rather than scaring her away? Or these are just kind of people who are sick or something..really..

TheTruthWILLSetYouFree said...

Wow--this is really scary! Looks like I'll have to keep a better watch on Sassy when she's in my classroom. Wouldn't want ANYTHING to happen to her.

And I hope this situation has resolved itself, as that's a lot of worry and fear to put in one young adult.