10/25/09

It is NOT YOUR FAULT.....


Advice to young girls:

1. When someone likes you and won’t leave you alone (for two years) when you ask him to leave you alone- there is something wrong.

2. When you are worried that there is something wrong with a situation and you are getting SCARED, tell someone. Tell your best friend, tell your teacher, tell the Dare/police officer at school, tell your sister or TELL YOUR PARENTS. We are here to keep you safe.

3. When a person scares you and makes you too nervous to go anywhere alone- you must ask for help. That is what your parents DO, that is what police officers DO and that is what FRIENDS do. They help.

4. Always be aware of your surroundings. Keep a hundred eyes open – when you go to your car, when you go to the store, when you walk to your school – always, always, always be aware of what’s around you.

5. If said someone tried to approach you and engage you in conversation – go the other direction. Get our your phone and CALL 911!! And, I repeat, DO NOT ENGAGE in conversation with said scary person. And if that person shows up outside your classroom even though they DON'T go to school there, go TELL SOMEONE.

6. If a police officer tells you that said person is dangerous – believe it. We do.

7. Be brave, be safe, make good choices- but never, never, never blame yourself for the actions of others.

8. And, most importantly, no matter WHAT might have happened with said “person” it is NOT YOUR FAULT that this is happening. Did you hear that? IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

That’s not ten things, but you people know that I can’t count.


I want to thank you ALL for your marvelous advice, your emails, your ideas and your comforting thoughts. We all deal with “life issues” daily, don’t we? Some are scarier than others, and some require some help.

It’s incredible to know that with a quick peck of the computer we can surround ourselves with love and support.


I am amazed.


And very, very thankful.

89 comments:

Vodka Logic said...

Wonderful advic Vodka Mom.. and so important. thanks for sharing.

An RT coming.
xx

Smart Mouth Broad said...

I can add the last two for you:

9. If you believe you are being stalked, document all calls, text an attempts to contact.

10. Never, never respond to said calls, texts or attempts to contact. Negative attention is still attention. It will only encourage the stalker.

Hugs,
SMB

PsychMamma said...

When I had my own trip to the police station for stalker reasons (as a young adult), I remember this really standing out for me:

They told me: Even if you WERE friends, even if you "encouraged" friendship, even if you kissed them, WHATEVER, AS SOON AS you said no/stop/please leave me alone and they did not, THEY crossed a line that's not acceptable.

I think I was feeling guilty because it had started as a friendship and he was claiming that I "led him on." The detective's words really took a weight off my heart and mind.

I hope that you all (and especially your daughter) find peace and that the harassment ends. Wishing you all the best.

slouchy said...

so glad your girls are safe. so glad she told you. so glad.

BusyBee said...

My daughter was cyber-stalked online while she was a senior by girls from another school. She told me straight away. We printed them out, took them to the principal, he called their principal, we threatened legal action. End of problem. They backed off. Stand up to them!

Life As I Know It said...

Good advice. Keep repeating it even if you think they heard you...'it's not your fault'.

The Girl Next Door said...

Thanks for the reminder - sometimes we (I) don't think to address these things with my Daughter BEFORE it becomes an issue. She recently teased me b/c I never told her about getting her keys and phone out before approaching her car to avoid an attack at her car - simple advice never shared. I will have this conversation today in the hopes she'll never need it. Thanks for sharing and here's hoping you and yours will stay safe.

Sara said...

This is great. All girls need to know this and hopefully it will get passed on.

Paige said...

Good advice. I think too many people think what is happening to them--whatever it is--is not bad enough to complain about it. If it makes you uncomfortable, it IS bad enough

Angie Ledbetter said...

Great tips for teens and all women. Add in: Carry pepper spray on your keychain (yeah, it's heavy. So what!) and have your keys in hand to and from your car always. A loud-arse whistle is a good thing too.

Huggage Mom

Anne said...

I am glad everyone in authority is taking this seriously. Kuddos to your daughter for being brave enough to tell you... I wish it didn't require bravery for our girls to ask for help. We raise them to be strong and independent, we may forget to tell them that being strong requires help along the way!

SkylersDad said...

Good advice for young girls, well said.

But this doesn't apply to my stalkage of you, right? Right?

buffalodick said...

Number 9.- Get a large male to kick his ass...and help him understand the error of his ways..

Joanie M said...

So glad you got the police involved! I hope this clown stops. If not, I hope he lands his ass in jail.

Not The Rockefellers said...

Oh my goodness...this is scary
and this person should be treated as a threat to safety
please be careful with everything, lock the doors on your car, house etc..

My thoughts and prayers are with you all

Peace~Rene

IB said...

There's plenty of nut-jobs, assholes and weirdos out there. The rest of us gotta stick together. There's safety in numbers.

Give 'im hell VM

Mrs. K said...

you couldn't have said it better- so even the cops know him huh? that's just fabulous...not.

Tammy Howard said...

I am glad this is all being dealt with and I hope she is feeling safer. I am so sorry you are all going through this and I second everyone else - thank you for this reminder.

otin said...

One other thing....A lot of times it is a non scary looking person who can end up being really scary.
Watch out for anyone who you don't know!

darsden said...

Excellent advice!! Poor baby girl having to deal with this crap. (just point him out to me, I will take care of his A**)

Under the Influence said...

Great advice. I hope this all gets cleared up and FAST!

Maybe you can post his picture on your blog in case the rest of us run into him? :)

A Mom on Spin said...

I hope the police were able to help.

You are so right to remind her that it's not her fault!

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Oh Vodka, I missed the first post. So scary. My prayers are with Sassy and your family.

And such an important message to get out there.

Mango Girl said...

I had to back up a post; this is not good. His nonchalant attitude "I know, I know" is WRONG!!! I hope the police speak with him and scare the crap out of him...on the other hand, that makes me very afraid for Sassy.

Keeping you both in my prayers!!!

STAY SAFE!

xo, Mango

Annabelle said...

Thank you for the tips VM - will always keep this in mind... I hope your daughter is okay, must've been so frightening for her! Thinking of you.

Em said...

I had to catch the last post as well - oh Mama - Sassy did the right thing!!

9. Trust your instincts - fight or flight is there for a reason. I'm so very glad she did.

just making my way said...

I didn't get a chance to comment yesterday - what an awful and scary thing for the sweet girl! And for you guys too. Sounds like you are all making the right decisions in how to deal with this guy.

Sending lots of love your family's way!

Christine said...

Wonderful advice! And not just for young girls!

feefifoto said...

Good for you -- you did the right thing. Hoping this entire ordeal is now in the past, and remains there.

confused homemaker said...

May not have been 10 things, but #8 could be repeated again & again. It's hard not to blame yourself when you are in that situation but it's very important for people who are going through it to KNOW THAT IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT!

Hope everything is being taken care of in a way that is moving toward healing & safety.

Brian Miller said...

great advice...i am glad all are okay...bottom line.

Alice in Wonderland said...

Good you you to bring this subject up! I have been Internet Bullied from some Anonymous people since April, and this is still going on today! But I just don't bother reading their site anymore.
It is really scary to know that you are being watched, and even though I will never get the chance to even meet these people, it's sad to know that they have nothing else better to do than to troll around.
This young girl did the right thing, and NO means No in any language!
I have posted a button for anyone to take and paste on their own site to stop bullying...NOW!
Thank you so much for posting this!
Big hugs!

3 Men and a Lady said...

I hope everything is good. I will keep you in my prayers. I hope the police scared the little twit off for good.

Rick Daley said...

9. If you are confronted and threatened and have no path for escape and your assailant is male, remember that a kick to the balls really hurts.

10. Especially if you use your toes.

The Seeker said...

Hope the police were helpful. Please keep us updated.

The Good Cook said...

Good for you for posting this. Please keep us informed as this progresses.. hopefully your daughter has seen the last of this boy AND the boy is getting some much needed help so that he is made to realize that his behavior is not the norm...

Secretia said...

We are with you, Vodkamom!

I'm linking to your blog with a message to my readers about stalkers.

Secretia.

Sara J. Henry said...

Someone may have already suggested this (I am being lazy and not reading all comments) - but buy your daughter (and read yourself) Gavin deBecker's book THE GIFT OF FEAR. There is incredible advice within that may save your life one day. Read it - heed it.

Ekanthapadhikan said...

I loved this post. But can you please tip us, guys, of a few troubles that we may get into? The trouble is that we invariably do just 'coz we are brought up to be careless about life. They say being careless is all about being a Man!

Will Burke said...

A lot of guys confuse nervous laughter with amused/encouraging laughter, so to the fella's: Be Aware! This is no excuse to push your luck!

Will Burke said...

In case that was unclear, GUYS shouldn't push their luck. When in doubt, give her some space, then see if she re-initiates conversation. Ladies, don't re-initiate out of guilt. If his feelings are hurt, he'll get over it and know better next time.

Pearl said...

Popped over from Secretia's...

Good advice, VM.

Pearl

Sandy said...

Excellent advice. Thanks for posting it.

blueviolet said...

I hope that someone in this very situation and needs to know what to do reads this today!!! I hope, I hope, I hope.

Captain Dumbass said...

Good advice.

Julie said...

Excellent advice. Should be posted in every high school and college dorm in our country. Good job, VMom.

jill jill bo bill said...

Another great way to ensure the safety of your baby is to include all her friends, giving them all the info you have on him. Kids of all ages LOVE to be detectives and rat out weirdos. If it's group he has to stalk, he will give up. Especially if they get to inflict pain and humiliation on him. I will be here for any vicious advice you may need. I have been there and the tshirt is too small. It happened to me in HS. Love you!!!!

laughingwolf said...

good advice for ALL people, not just young girls!

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

What an excellent list.

Jan said...

Aw, girl - it's the nightmare of every mother of a young woman, isn't it? Try having your daughters in places like Los Angeles and, God help us, Las Vegas. Scary, scary shit.

And no, it is NOT Sassy's fault. You keep reminding her of that. And get that restraining order.

smiles4u said...

What a great list that should be printed out as a reminder for all of us. Thank you! I am sorry for what has happened with your daughter. She is blessed to have you fighting for her and teaching her these things. I'm thankful she is learning to fight for herself!

Melissa B. said...

Great advice! Sassy's a very lucky young woman to have you for a Mama Bear...

The Mind of a Mom said...

I'm so glad you are taking steps to stop him!
To Sassy ~ you are to be applauded for telling your mom, I know from personal experience how hard it is to tell, just know you are a very smart girl and you did the right thing!!
Good Luck with everything, I hope things get better now that it is out in the open.

Midtown Girl said...

I found you through Secretia.

I have had problems with stalkers too. They try to ruin your life bc they don't get what they want and are PSYCHO.

I want to tell you that the advice you listed here is excellent and I am glad you are helping others get help where they can!!

XOXO

Nina P. said...

Instincts are there for a reason. Your 10 er 8 points are so true. Sounds like you've done everything right. Pepper spray (if it's legal in your state) or a stun gun, loud whistle, anything that might deter him. Also, block his number from her phone/text. Notify the police in his town as well. 40 miles to come and stalk someone is no joke. Again Great advice! Safety first. Love and Light, Nina P

Puanani503 said...

Thank you for the advice, Vodka mom:) I usually never think about this stuff when it comes to my girls..but, I will definitely have a sit down with them on this subject. Love your blog:)

Susan said...

Can we fit all this onto a t-shirt?

Joanna Jenkins said...

Excellent advice.
Hang in there, I'm cheering you all on from So. Calif.
xo

Mrs. E said...

I hope you don't mind if I print this out and put this on my bulletin board in my classroom. It might just be what someone needs to see. Give Sassy a hug from the Midwest! You're a good Mom!

♥ Braja said...

Don't be surprised :)

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

All excellent advice. So sorry that you and Sassy had to go through all that.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Awesome advice. Is it OK if I print this out and keep it on my fridge for future reference for Princess Nagger?

Glad Sassy told you - and that you took action. Here's hoping that boy gets a clue - or time behind bars. Whatever it takes.

((HUGZ!))

feefifoto said...

Just wrote about your post and linked to you: http://blog.feefifoto.com/2009/10/protecting-your-daughter-from-a-stalker.html

Hope your daughter is safe now.

Marinka said...

Great advice for absolutely everyone. I'm sorry that your family has been touched by this. Thinking of you xo

staceyjwarner said...

excellent post and it's wonderful to feel loved, isn't it?

much love

Lynn said...

Keep the word out there!
Did you call the police yet?
I would.

Barrie said...

What a very scary situation. Did you end up going to the police? Thinking of you.

Laszlo Brown said...

It's like in a movie when the bad guys tell you not to go to the police...GO TO THE POLICE!

Surge said...

Ugh.. for the longest time I was getting phone calls from someone saying they were watching me and they knew what I was doing. I didn't tell anyone, because I just "had a feeling" that it wasn't serious/it was a joke.

Every time I got a phone call I called my best friend telling him I was scared. I later found out that he was the one who was getting that person to call to scare me, because he was pissed off at me. I didn't find out till a year after though..

FranticMommy said...

Great tips. Thanks for sharing
Blogging is like a conference call to all of your friends. You're right, the love and support is awesome. us Mommy Bloggers, we are like a TRIBE. We all stick together.

Jeanne said...

What a terrifying thing to go through. Hope it's over now!

Angie Ledbetter said...

Morning, you! Blog blingage awaits you at my place.

Jeff D'Antonio said...

I've been away from the computer for a few days, and I'm just catching up with your last few posts...holy carp.

You did all the right things. Pepper spray might be a good idea.

Or send me a plane ticket and I'll fly out there and get all 'Tony Soprano' on the guy. I'm Italian. I can be pretty scary when I need to.

But seriously. Be careful. If it were my daughter, the guy would be down on his hands and knees picking up his teeth.

Athena said...

Jesus. I have 3 daughters and these last few posts scared the everloving crap out of me.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

This is so important. Thank you so much for posting this!

Gaston Studio said...

And it's not just little girls that need to be aware, little boys should know these rules as well!

WeaselMomma said...

I hope that the actions now being taken and the group awareness are enough to bring this all to an end.

Elaine said...

Will be thinking about you and the girls, this has to be very scary! Maybe his parents should be notified as well?

Keyona said...

Oh dear. I just read what happened. She is so lucky to have such a great mom. I am so glad she finally decided to tell you. I hope my daughter will trust me enough to open up when she gets older. Great job mom.

LOUDnPROUD♥MÓKneeKah said...

great advice and thanks for sharing!

The Only Girl said...

Just found my way to your site - love it! I'll be back.

Christy said...

Great tips - and I hope all is now okay with your family!

Kathryn Magendie said...

Good advice!!! I could talk more about this, but I'll tell about one thing: - the scariest call I remember getting as a teenager (in the days were we had "teenagers' telephone" listed in the phone book and sometimes would get wackos calling, but it was usually obvious they were cold calling....) was when a male voice said to me(I was in high school): "I saw you at the bus stop today . . . you looked cute in those (whatever I was wearing)...I saw you yesterday too, in your (whatever I was wearing), and I'll see you again tomorrow..."

Oh dear. And you know what? I don't think I told my mom! I shudder about that now, what could have happened, but thank gawd did not....

adrienne said...

Great advice.
I hope that situation is resolved.

JaelCustomDesigns said...

Great Post! I'm going to have my daughter read this when I get home.

As far as the internet, she's never really on it unsupervised. She does walk a short distance to and from the bus stop in the mornings and afternoon. We live in a good neighborhood but, you never know...

Frugal Vicki said...

Great tips. I am terrified for when my little girl grows up. there are so many scary things out there nowadays.

Cora said...

Definitely GREAT advice!

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